What's the use of calling it abuse?

[PeteWitsend]

I wish there was some way we could have education in our youth about mental illness.  It might save many from allowing our FOO overwhelm yet another generation or cluelessly falling into unhealthy relationships.

I've thought about that too.  But then again, I think my gut instincts at times in the relationship (prior to marriage) were that I absolutely needed to get out, and was not comfortable with her.  I didn't really trust her.  So I KNEW, just not how to put that knowledge into action correctly.  I would rationalize my way around to sticking it out. 

I think I was weak during those times where the proverbial schitt was hitting the fan, and I would back down, thinking "this isn't that big of a deal, I'll let it go this time," without understanding that these were not isolated incidents, and she was consciously or subconsciously, probing my limits to see what she could get away with.  Everytime I let things go, I was just feeding the monster

Then I imagine classrooms where all the youths are looking around and virtually diagnosing all the other youths.  Oh my!

you just know the kids who actually are BPD would be absolutely unbearable: pointing the finger at everyone else, denying anything was wrong with them, throwing tantrums if cornered...

[hotchip]

He also got in my face and almost yelled that he was thinking of hurting himself, then berated me for not reacting appropriately. ('I'm telling you I want to hurt myself, and you're not reacting! You're supposed to be the person closest to me and you're not reacting!')

Re control and intentionality, one thing that has reframed my perspective over time is the experience of uBPDx telling lies re his cheating. Not misunderstandings, emotional outbursts, etc, just straight up factual lies sustained in moments of emotion but also calm and quiet, lies told strategically to multiple people and to secure a particular result.

At the time, i took the above outburst as a pure expression of distress. Now I am not so sure. Invoking self harm to demand or elicit a reaction from a partner is a pretty terrible thing, and the fact in the weeks after I was snappy, stressed or just wanted to hide and fall asleep when i saw uBPDx, and that this was characterised as me being 'horrible', is also awful.

The fact a close friend had previously lost a close person in very proximate circumstances to suicide, that i told uBPDx this affected me a lot, and yet he had no qualms continuing to bombard me with self harming rhetoric to secure a desired response or experience his own emotional release, is also pretty selfish.

[hotchip]

*cw: suicide

Sorry, the above should say that *i* had lost a close friend / close person to suicide - i walked out of her house and minutes later she killed herself. And the delusional idea i could somehow save uBPDx from his mental illness was very linked to my regret over this.