Has anyone written a letter to their expwbpd? If so, how did it go?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I have recently gotten out of a one year relationship with my pwbpd. I am feeling rattled, crazy, so lost. I feel like none of it made sense and like I need clarity and that I want to apologize for my part in it. Have any of you ever written a letter to your expwbpd and if so, how did it go?

[Ashesanddust]

I have recently gotten out of a one year relationship with my pwbpd. I am feeling rattled, crazy, so lost. I feel like none of it made sense and like I need clarity and that I want to apologize for my part in it. Have any of you ever written a letter to your expwbpd and if so, how did it go?

[Under The Bridge]

Hello and welcome to the site, we can all relate to what you've gone through.

If it's some sort of closure and explanation you're seeking, it's unlikely you'll get it. In the mind of the BPD, they were always the victim and tend not to justify anything they did.

It would indeed be nice if our exBPD's did take responsibility and acknowledge - even if in a small way - that they caused problems, instead of leaving us in a shattered wreck both mentally and physically wondering what the hell just happened.

If you're happy the relationship is truly over for good then I wouldn't be inclined to initiate any contact as they would see this as you still being interested and a candidate 'if all else fails' and they have nobody else in the picture at the moment.

If you want to re-engage with the hope of trying again then remember that they were unable to accept sense, reason and logic when you actually spoke to them so are likely to treat a written letter the same way.

I wrote to my exBPD a couple of times during her many meltdowns but I don't think it ever served any real purpose. She went out with me because I was her best option at that time. Took me  a long time to realise that.

Best wishes whatever you decide to do, keep us informed we've all got your back.

[ForeverDad]

When it comes to seeking closure from a person with BPD traits (pwBPD), our experience is that it's generally counterproductive.  It's better to Gift yourself whatever Closure you feel you need.  Remember that explaining yourself just exposes yourself to needless discord.  We have to remember that using JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain) is a communication approach that works well with us reasonably normal people, typically fails with pwBPD.  In other words... if it's over, then just accept it's over.  Let the sleeping dogs lie undisturbed.

Some here have really felt a need to DO something.  How about writing your letter and then, with or without friends or ceremony, let it burn.  (No forest fires, please!)

[Pook075]

Hello and welcome to the family!

I wrote a few letters post breakup at different stages and I don't think any of them did any good.  However, the process of writing and getting my feelings out on paper helped me quite a bit.

A few of the letters I sent.  The other letters I threw away.  None of them were directly discussed or replied to though and I was okay with that.

So if you want to write a letter, write a letter.  Or write 20 of them.  It feels good to get all that out.  Just know that it's beneficial for you and probably counter-productive for your partner/ex since they'll view it through a jaded lens.  So actually sending the letter is optional and most here would tell you to save the price of the stamp...it's not worth sending.