Someone to know I’ll be okay

[CACBHAM]

Hi all,

I hope your well.

So last night I ended the relationship with my BPD partner. Was this coming? I don’t I can never tell. It’s hard, it’s exhausting and it’s really really difficult to navigate. Since finding out she had BDP I did my research, prepared myself and tried to educate myself. Unpredictably was how I saw it, triggers from no where and this constant feeling of been on edge. I navigate many episodes been patient but this one I just essentially couldn’t do it anymore. She crossed a line. Friday we are talking about houses and a trip o have planned with Disney making all the payments around that. Hours later - she just changes her mind. Saying I’m useless, and a barrage of verbal abuse. I think as it Involved the children it crossed a line and I probably didn’t do myself proud In my reaction, to which I’m sorry and have told her. I can’t do that anymore though. Every word, every step, every decision I make - each one I have to carefully think over and I supose did it just take it out of me?


She’s amazing and her life has been nothing but issue, and issue and issue. She doesn’t deserve it. But I’m tired. I’m angry. I’m upset. I dunno whilst I want this. I’ve lost my best friend and whilst I’m sure I never want a relationship with her I can’t help but feel sorry for her. It breaks my heart

[ForeverDad]

We're sorry to hear this but it is not a surprise.  Relationships with a seriously disordered person are to a varying extent dysfunctional and easily are and can become unhealthy.

We speak of using a three-legged stool for our stability... (1) trusted family & friends, (2) local counseling and (3) peer support.  All three can help you recover and maintain your equilibrium.

Meaningful therapy for the person with BPD or similar acting-out* traits is vital.  Your ex ought to avail herself of mental health resources but sadly many disordered people resist therapy since it is so hard for them to face their issues.  The Blaming, Blame Shifting, Projections and other unproductive actions feel easier to them.

* acting-out = harmful to others too

[Notwendy]

I think you will be OK, because, you have held to a boundary of what you value.

While my perspective is from the child's- it's not only about the children. Your kids will grow up and have their own lives. They would want you to also have a partner you are happy with if you choose someone for that.

A partner who is emotionally stable would not put you in a situation that would compromise your kids or your relationship with them. You saw where this situation would do that, and so held that boundary.

What happened over your Disney plans was not a one time issue. This was after a series of issues between the two of you. The subsequent verbal abuse showed you another side of her disorder and the impact it can have on you and your kids.

I say you will be OK, because if you continued in this dynamic, I think it would have an emotional impact on you and your kids.