Venting, some people don't get it

[Me88]

I've done amazing in my healing journey. Picked up new hobbies. Slowed the drinking so much since it's not my crutch anymore. Lost tons of weight. I feel pretty good almost always.

However, I do still avoid my ex at work. I've seen her in passing. I don't look at her. Make small talk. Tell her one of our dogs passed, no updates nothing. I think this is fair. A group of people here who know 'enough' are starting to annoy me. You're being a btch. Who cares anymore? Go be around her, etc. I see no reason to voluntarily put myself around her when there's literally zero need. It doesn't come off as strength to me. I have nothing to prove.

It makes no sense to posture and go be around her on purpose. Why do I need to prove a thing when this person has assaulted me, abused me in all facets of the word and tried to have the cops come get me? And then ran around telling everyone I was an abusive monster? I just have no want/need to be around her.

And knowing how her brain works she'll see this as some sort of 'in' to reestablish communications. She came to my building yesterday for zero reason. Oh well. My buddy wanted to leave work....early at that, which is another problem in itself, but I said I'm not leaving yet. 1) It's 20 minutes before our tour ends, and 2) Why am I trying to just go make myself known?

I'm not like in hiding and I really am doing better, much better, but I'm also not here trying to strut around in front of her. I don't like her.

[PeteWitsend]

No one really understands it until they've been on the receiving end of it. 

Even my mom, who saw first hand the insanity as she was "painted black" and made into this villain who was trying to ruin BPDxw's life and our marriage, will push me to get in pointless back-and-forth exchanges with her because she thinks me ignoring obvious argument bait is me "not standing up for myself" and crap like that. 

It is just how it is. 

It's unfortunate for you that you have that continuous connection at your workplace.  It's less burdensome than having a child together at least but sounds like more of a steady source of annoyance.

[Me88]

It really is annoying, and I'm good at avoiding her when I know she comes around. I have my lookouts. But I'm not all sad and feeling awful anymore. I just simply have no interest in having her be part of my life in any capacity, even in passing. I owe her nothing, not even to share the air we breathe. Some people just don't get it and act like I need to be her friend or something.

I'm not going to manufacture reasons to be around her. Our jobs do not overlap at all. Oh well.

[Notwendy]

I don't know why it's anyone's business. I'm sure if the two of you had some work to do where you had to communicate- you'd keep it strictly business. So if you don't- there's no reason to seek her out at work and have an update on your life outside the office.

People who haven't experienced being closely connected to someone with BPD don't get it- as the pwBPD often can hold it together in a more public, less close situation. So I don't even try to explain, it would just reflect poorly on you if you did.

Maybe a reply if they ask "I just want to keep my focus on the job" is about all you can say and hopefully they will just let it go.

It sounds like you are doing some self care- not drinking, keeping a healthy weight and investing in your own well being. It's good you are doing that.

[Me88]

I don't know why it's anyone's business. I'm sure if the two of you had some work to do where you had to communicate- you'd keep it strictly business. So if you don't- there's no reason to seek her out at work and have an update on your life outside the office.

People who haven't experienced being closely connected to someone with BPD don't get it- as the pwBPD often can hold it together in a more public, less close situation. So I don't even try to explain, it would just reflect poorly on you if you did.

Maybe a reply if they ask "I just want to keep my focus on the job" is about all you can say and hopefully they will just let it go.

It sounds like you are doing some self care- not drinking, keeping a healthy weight and investing in your own well being. It's good you are doing that.

If I absolutely had to, yes. But me and my immediate boss and service chief know that isn't real. So I just avoid. Maybe one day? I'm unsure how. It became a giant deal at work. They'd be dumb to push that.

I have no need or want to update or talk which is why it's annoying that people act like I should do that.

My response is "I simply don't want to be around her".

I'm doing as good as I was before her. Very fit. Focused. I just don't want to explain why it makes sense why I don't want to give her access to me. They don't know or see "her". Although it's coming to light.