Total confusion

[Prouncer]

My girlfriend has what I believe is undiagnosed bpd. Four and a half years and we can’t last more than three days without her either running away out of the blue, based upon a feeling she has that is never wrong, or having a terrible argument. We can’t live together because when we tried she suffered from disassociation, strong  feelings that paint me as a demon, that are always right, continual criticising or judging me. I notice the patterns. Normally it’s after we have had a fun time together. Either during or straight after. We get on so well in so many ways but it’s impossible to have a relationship with her. I try and try. She never or rarely admits responsibility or apologises. She has written the most horrific emails to me. I’d call them evil. Some have made me sick. And not sleep. So evil. One small argument over something I did wrong or hadn’t done or said incorrectly , or looked the wrong way at another woman,  she is off. Sending me messages then about how we can’t be together. How I always blame her. Which I often do because I can’t for the life of me work out what I have done. Then I’m always apologising. When I don’t agree with her on whatever the topic I’m evil. If I show too much love and attention I’m suffocating her. If I don’t contact her after she has blocked me and  told me I am evil, I apparently don’t care about her. If I stand up for myself I’m inconsiderate and am always shutting her down. Making her feel small apparently. You can’t win an argument with her. Then sometimes the issue she freaked about is a few days later never mentioned again.  Her feelings are never wrong. So if she feels I’m a murderer, for example, or am thinking something I’m not, because her feelings are always right, and must be the priority, I’m left in a ridiculous position, of denying a nonsense or arguing against a feeling that is never wrong.
How does one deal with this ? She has blocked me again. We had a bad argument a few weeks back as I didn’t agree with her on some trivial discussion , like I always  do apparently. I fired back because I had had five criticisms and judgements of me in two days. I was fed up. Worried for the arrival of the next round of saying or doing the wrong thing. So now I’m blocked and she packed up and ran away again. She tells me she only has this dynamic with me, never any others. I Which is not true as she has had a falling out with her family and some close friends. She may be healing those though. Who knows.
I do think she loves me. When we meet it’s very powerful, however I am just waiting for the next provocation. So annoying she just can’t enjoy the life I offer her. I offer her everything she has ever wanted , travel, a home ,financial stability, a loving partner. Etc. 
It’s a pity as I do love parts of her. And it’s also tragic that I have allowed this into my life.
Any advice would be appreciated- sorry I’m so long winded.

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[ForeverDad]

Welcome to our peer support network.  And yes, we wish the reason to visit was a more positive one.  You will find we have a wealth of hard-won collective wisdom accumulated over many years.

Many here never learned of a diagnosis, so we have to make our own observations and conclusions.  You've struggled for nearly 5 years with your girlfriend but with little or no progress.  You would have to admit she has major behavioral issues.

As Maya Angelou wrote, "When people show you who they are, believe them."

BPD is a disorder known to be very resistant to those closest to them (partners included).  It is due to deep emotional connection which is so triggering to them.  So my question is whether she is in therapy?  When there is progress, it is with people who have no emotional relationship with them.  The problem is that BPD traits usually include extreme Volatility, Denial, Projection, Blaming and Blame Shifting.

So a better future would include her being in regular meaningful therapy sessions, applying the mindfulness approaches in her daily life and perceptions.