Is he resistant to the concept of counseling or therapy? If so, that's very common, regardless of gender. The blaming and blame shifting, among many other traits raised to an unwelcome extreme, typically make getting sessions with a therapist and continuing them so very hard.
If he's not in productive therapy, then you're right, Boundaries are very important. However, pwBPD traits, whether diagnosed or not, resist boundaries. So the alternative - which sadly is not very intuitive - is that
boundaries are for us. How so? Boundaries are protections for us when we need to determine a
response to poor behavior. A very simplistic example might be saying, "If you do or don't do ___ then I will or won't do ___." So while we can't force someone to behave better, we can ensure they know that we can deal with poor behavior in one way or another. We're not helpless nor do we need to be compliant, complicit or appeasing.
On our
Tools & Skills Workshops board we have topics on Boundaries and so much more that are very helpful as we educate ourselves.
