New to the site, hoping to find support!

[empty_space]

Hi everyone!

I was recommended this site by my thrapist. My girlfriend of 6 months has BPD and is not recieving treatment (by choice), and I'm hoping to find some support or confort here when I need it. This is my first relationship with someone who has BPD, and I'm really wanting it to last, so I hope to learn some communication and coping skills as well. I look forward to chatting with people ^^

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[mssalty]

For you own sanity, pick up and read as many books about the condition as you can, and make special note of typical BPD behavior and typical behavior of people who interact with them.   If they know and have been diagnosed, I’d make sure they’re aware that you’re reading all you can about it to better understand. 

My understanding is that BPD makes it darn near impossible for the person with it to admit there is something wrong with them.   

Understand that “making it work” may mean you never get what you want out of this relationship, no matter how much you put into it.  I’ve tried to make it work for years, and for awhile things seemed to be much better in that they weren’t at their worst.  But even with the arguing then diminished and my SO seeming “better”, I still felt like I didn’t exist beyond the person to dump on or kick around.   It’s just those feel less severe when everything else isn’t in an uproar. 

My best advice is don’t forget yourself and your needs.  Sometimes because we do care about someone, we forget who we are.  If you find your own needs being ignored or a source of friction, realize that very likely may never change.   

Best of luck. 

[ForeverDad]

Is your girlfriend also seeing a therapist?  Is she truly diligently applying the therapy's insights in her perceptions, thinking and behavior?

If yes, then there may be hope for a long term relationship with her.  (There is no cure, but the discord can be reduced.)  If not...

A common pattern with relationships involving people with BPD traits is that, over time, the discord, poor behavior and ragefests tend to increase, not decrease.  Ponder that.  Despite your understandable hopes, the reality is that unless both of you are seriously responsive to meaningful therapy, then your future with her will likely be very troubled and dysfunctional.  And not just for you, for any children you may have with her too.