Facial Expressions

[mssalty]

It’s been awhile since I’ve had a truly BPD experience with my SO but today was triggering.  My SO assumed from a facial expression that I didn’t want to do something.  I have zero idea what expression I made and I was looking forward to doing what I was asked about.  When I got angry at my SO jumping to conclusions, my SO doubled down on knowing exactly what I was thinking and that I was essentially lying about how I felt. 

All I wanted was to be heard, believed, and acknowledged that it was hurtful to assume something that wasn’t true. 

I looked back on here and over a decade ago I’d posted something very similar and how my SO jumping to conclusions about my thought process made me question my own reality. 

It has been a very rough year and I thought my SO was moving out of her BPD behaviors.  Now I think it’s that I simply have gotten good at not triggering them and sucking up my own feelings and tonight I couldn’t.   

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[Rowdy]

This seems to be quite a common theme.
I too used to be accused of not wanting to do things because apparently my facial expressions told her I didn’t. She used to believe she could tell exactly what mood I was in by looking at my face. I even said to her once that I feel like I need a badge to wear each day with a happy face or a sad/pissedoff face to tell her what mood I was in.

That and if I ever breathed heavily I would be accused of huffing at her (I had a collapsed lung over a decade ago and had a section of lung removed so sometimes I exhale quite loudly) and she would then think I was pissed off with her when I wasn’t at all.

That’s not to say she was always wrong. It was a near 3 decade relationship, so at times she would do things that would make me huff, there were times I didn’t want to do something and my facial expression probably gave that away, but it gets draining when it is every bloody time they think they can read you like a physic and you have to argue with them about your own actual feelings.

[cynp]

I am stunned to learn how many ppl are out there haveing arguments on whether or not the other made a sound or had a facial expresion the other didn't like. I have had so many incidents like this I strive to keep my face neutral and not make any odd sounds...yet if they are dys-regulated they will often accuse me of 'acting off' even if they cannot explain exactly how. Then its off to the races again. If you insist there is nothing wrong you will be shouted at. If you try and come up with some issues that may be troubling you you may be instantly dismised because they're the one with the real troubles, you don't have anything worth worrying about.

[Me88]

Oh yeah. Facial expressions. Deep breaths. Simply having an off day where you're not talkative. They will notice immediately. And call you out. They will push and push TELLING you that you're mad. You can calmly and kindly explain you're just fine or tired or just feeling 'off'. This will go on until you finally do get mad and pop off somehow. Then suddenly the entire conversation becomes about how you raised your voice and are verbally abusive and never cared about them. And also how you don't know how to communicate. LOSE-LOSE

[mitochondrium]

Ah ja, facial expressions, breathing, gasp etc.. Had this argument many times, escalating into haw I cannot communicate… I found that it works best for me if I just act surprised and say sometihing like: oh, really, I did not intend to sound like that, it is pribably because I am a little tired. It works very often for my SO to then just move on.

[Me88]

Ah ja, facial expressions, breathing, gasp etc.. Had this argument many times, escalating into haw I cannot communicate… I found that it works best for me if I just act surprised and say sometihing like: oh, really, I did not intend to sound like that, it is pribably because I am a little tired. It works very often for my SO to then just move on.

Oh I wish. I tried that 'nothing's wrong, just a long day is all. I'm tired'.....what I got back was 'I know you're lying to me. You're just going to bring it up later and start a fight. You always do this!' haha

[mitochondrium]

 I think the most important part in my response is acting surprisd  and asking oh, reallylike I took it seriously and then thinking what could be wrong and then saying maybe I am tired. I think he gets some validatio from this. Saying nothing is wrong got me where it gets you a lot of times.