is it a ping?

[CanBuild91]

I'm nearly three years out from my breakup, which I've written about at length on this board, and gotten so much helpful feedback. Something happened recently which really got my head spinning, wondering if it was a ping after so much silence.

I'm big into cherrypicking and every year post on Instagram about cherry season. Anybody who knows me knows that this is a tradition, and in fact three years ago, the last spring that my ex and I were together, she even participated in my cherrypicking photoshoot.  

Last month, she posted a cherry themed post of her own. Not cherrypicking, but her wearing all red, wearing cherry earrings, and the caption was just a cherry emoji. It was a cherry post.

I immediately polled my friends and pretty much everybody agrees that it can't be an accident or oversight, like she suddenly forgot that I have this cherry season tradition, but people disagree on what to do about it. One friend said that it's clearly a ping, some kind of flirty message that only I would pick up on, and that I should send a flirty easter egg back in my yearly post. More people however have advised me to do nothing about it.

Here's sort of how I'm feeling about it. After the breakup, I begged and sent flowers and gifts and apologies and more flowers and more apologies. I stopped doing that after a few months, but I didn't stop grappling with the breakup. I read books on BPD, and trauma, and surviving BPD parents which I think is her situation. I also took account of my own failings, the ways I JADEd rather than listened, empathized, and validated her feelings. I've done the work.

My texts have been blocked from the beginning, and as of last January were still blocked. I want so badly to reconnect with my ex but after all I've done, I feel like she has to open the door in a more real way. I don't know what to do with red clothes and a cherry emoji.

Does anybody have any thoughts on this situation? I don't want her to feel like "well I tried" with that post, and that my silence is a rejection, but I just don't know what to do about it.

Do you think her post was a ping, and if so, what next?

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[Under The Bridge]

It may well be a 'ping'.. but it might just be a ping sent out to see if you're still there, and not because she necessarily wants to reconnect seriously. Remember, BPD's like to know that their ex's are still available and are an option. She may be having a quiet time at the moment, with nobody else in her life so is testing the waters with you.

She's blocked you for a long time, which you should take into consideration. If you want to send her a brief message then go for it - just don't get your expectations up and end up disappointed. 3 years apart has hopefully given you some time to heal, even though you still miss her, so you need to think whether you want to get back on the train again.

A 'Hey, I loved your cherry photo, brings back the happy memories' would be enough to put the ball back in her court. If she genuinely wants to engage further then great.

Good luck whatever you decide.