Hoping my attitude changes could regulate him.
And that there is the problem. OUR attitudes can't regulate someone else. That is entirely up to them.
I know. Had a great talk with an old friend this afternoon. One of the ones my ExH "told all" to. One whose help I could have used last summer but turned down because I was afraid to involve him and the bf together.
You know what? I was an idiot, it wouldn't have mattered. But I let it. For my rough and tough who gives a damn what they think exterior, I do care when it comes to the few friends I have let into my life.
Circumstances... .being too broke to afford weekly T sessions when I needed them most
... .being too proud to allow someone else to support me even though I was $500/month short (and yes, I needed to be sure things worked before I said yes to him moving in)
... .needing the time and space to heal myself emotionally and rid myself of the baggage of my ex (emotional and all the stuff he left behind, and let me tell you - boy does it feel good to toss that stuff of his in a dumpster now! I could not have done that without checking with him first 6 months ag0.
Seriously I'm not sure a non would have tolerated my behavior as long as the bf did.
Yes I needed space to heal. I didn't have a right to treat him the way I did though.
But look. I asked you what you were getting out of this and you replied :
I am getting a ton of heartbreak now
The rollercoaster will continue endlessly till you get off it. We can't tell you to get off it. You have to decide that for yourself. regardless.
I know. Thank you for the talk and hugs.
