THe best way to get closure

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Got what I asked for didn't I - space? Just didn't expect the broken heart.   :'(

I still hold on to the "I'm here"'s for now. Someday I'll have to let them go.

Ok. Ya. After I replied I checked your post history and noticed you'd moved over to "staying".

I think we all, here, have a broken heart.

Anyway, you identified it yourself... .Someday you will have to let go. It isn't time yet I guess.

All the best, Whyme... .I hope you take inspiration from Steph over there. If both you and your bf are taking all the steps to get healthy... .Luck... .

[DAS]

Got what I asked for didn't I - space? Just didn't expect the broken heart.   :'(

I still hold on to the "I'm here"'s for now. Someday I'll have to let them go.

Ok. Ya. After I replied I checked your post history and noticed you'd moved over to "staying".

I think we all, here, have a broken heart.

Anyway, you identified it yourself... .Someday you will have to let go. It isn't time yet I guess.

All the best, Whyme... .I hope you take inspiration from Steph over there. If both you and your bf are taking all the steps to get healthy... .Luck... .

[WhyMe?]

Got what I asked for didn't I - space? Just didn't expect the broken heart.   :'(

I still hold on to the "I'm here"'s for now. Someday I'll have to let them go.

Ok. Ya. After I replied I checked your post history and noticed you'd moved over to "staying".

I think we all, here, have a broken heart.

Anyway, you identified it yourself... .Someday you will have to let go. It isn't time yet I guess.

All the best, Whyme... .I hope you take inspiration from Steph over there. If both you and your bf are taking all the steps to get healthy... .Luck... .

Ya I did move, I guess it was too late. And sometimes I don't pay attention to which board I'm on.

I was making steps. Just forgot to tell him.

Read my post here from last night: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=117592.40;topicseen

And this which was still in undecided but should have been staying: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=115988.0;topicseen

[DAS]

Ya I did move, I guess it was too late. And sometimes I don't pay attention to which board I'm on.

I was making steps. Just forgot to tell him.

Read my post here from last night: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=117592.40;topicseen

And this which was still in undecided but should have been staying: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=115988.0;topicseen

You are going through some terrific drama, Whyme... .

I think you need to ask yourself :

1) what, if anything, you are getting by staying involved in all this?

2) where you are hoping it will lead?

I'm done with mine. It hurts, yes. She also choose another over me.

I still care. But I don't look. And I am aiming at the point where I no longer care where my BPDex is, who she is sleeping with, or what she is doing. Cause its her crazy life and I deserve better.

I'll be honest with you - from my perspective NOONE is worth going through what you seem to be going through. But only you can stop it.

Luck and strength  x

[WhyMe?]

I am getting a ton of heartbreak now

I was hoping it would lead to a more solid relationship with the man I love dearly. Hoping my attitude changes could regulate him.

I created at least half of the drama.

I admit, he did not give me the space I needed to heal as he was afraid I'd heal right away from him.

I admit, his attitude this year (never did this before) is unbelievable

I admit my fears and suspicions are just that, nothing solid. I am capable of my own drama

I could be putting myself through the wringer for nothing. Also contacted my T today, my next appt is May 21 hope I can get a sooner one

[DAS]

Hoping my attitude changes could regulate him.

And that there is the problem. OUR attitudes can't regulate someone else. That is entirely up to them.

But look. I asked you what you were getting out of this and you replied :

I am getting a ton of heartbreak now

The rollercoaster will continue endlessly till you get off it. We can't tell you to get off it. You have to decide that for yourself.    regardless.

[WhyMe?]

Hoping my attitude changes could regulate him.

And that there is the problem. OUR attitudes can't regulate someone else. That is entirely up to them.

I know. Had a great talk with an old friend this afternoon. One of the ones my ExH "told all" to. One whose help I could have used last summer but turned down because I was afraid to involve him and the bf together.

You know what? I was an idiot, it wouldn't have mattered. But I let it. For my rough and tough who gives a damn what they think exterior, I do care when it comes to the few friends I have let into my life.

Circumstances... .being too broke to afford weekly T sessions when I needed them most

... .being too proud to allow someone else to support me even though I was $500/month short (and yes, I needed to be sure things worked before I said yes to him moving in)

... .needing the time and space to heal myself emotionally and rid myself of the baggage of my ex (emotional and all the stuff he left behind, and let me tell you - boy does it feel good to toss that stuff of his in a dumpster now! I could not have done that without checking with him first 6 months ag0.

Seriously I'm not sure a non would have tolerated my behavior as long as the bf did.

Yes I needed space to heal. I didn't have a right to treat him the way I did though.

But look. I asked you what you were getting out of this and you replied :

I am getting a ton of heartbreak now

The rollercoaster will continue endlessly till you get off it. We can't tell you to get off it. You have to decide that for yourself.    regardless.

I know. Thank you for the talk and hugs.