Not going to the in-laws for Thanksgiving is a reasonable decision. Not having the in-laws over for Christmas is a reasonable decision. A 17 year old having a voice in whether or not they attend one function or another is reasonable.
But beyond that, the anger and bitterness comes through every sentence. The stress and the anger are harmful to you. They will physically harm you and they will get in the way of rational decision making.
I'm just another idiot trying to get through a difficult relationship that's not fulfilling the needs of either adult, so you need not believe me. But I did a lot better as I let go of the anger and bitterness, and focused on being as healthy as I could be. I sought the help of a T to learn coping skills and healthy reactions. It made me a better decision maker and a better parent for my daughter in the most difficult time of her life.
Another grunger
So what.
But D knows the deal. Cannot count on mother to be a mother.
I became happier when I focused on actual behaviors rather than broad judgments. D13 was also happier when she learned tangible behaviors to address and specific coping skills for those behaviors rather than generic condemnation.
I will likely fight with my wife there
This is a choice, not something that happens on its own. I can choose to fight with my wife or I can learn how to avoid it.
She screwed everything up... .the rest of them can sit around and contemplate how my wife has screwed up herself and her family
A marriage is two people, and there's usually a lot of blame to go around.
he is loyal to me though
That suggests a competition. It shouldn't be that way. My wife views things with our D as a competition, and that's just so distressing. A child's love for, or loyalty to, parents needn't be zero-sum.
