why do people follow charming narcissits? i feel so alone...

[sometimesnow]

see and am aware of the narcissitic overbearing mom at our small elementary school, my next door neighbor.

Everyone else thinks she is so wonderful, so loving, so perfect. I have witnessed her other side and hear what she says

about other people, so not too interested in hanging out with her. SHe has tremedous parties. Entertains, cooks, everyone has a great time. its in my back yard, so i cant really ignore it, feel hurt sad lonely and left out./ But cant bring myself to submit

to her ways. Created a situation where everyone else seems to unanimously do what she wants. I even have heard on two occassions where others felt she demonstrated red flags, even so i see them all kissing up to her. I am wondering why noone else is willing to boycott her, feel so alone, wonder if i am going crazy. thanks... . 

[beyondbelief]

The operative word is “charming”.  Those with NPD who lack charm are universally despised and shunned.  Those with lots of charisma are loved until they screw someone over.  Even then most of the rest of their fans remain fans until it happens to them.

I would be willing to bet 90% plus of major politicians have NPD.  They exude power and often charisma, make rules for others that don’t apply to themselves and subject their families to intense media scrutiny.  Come to think of it that description applies to leaders of all sorts of organizations think disgraced TV preachers.

Your neighbor has a lot of practice giving people what they want and most people ignore the little quirks.  Those who don’t tolerate them are soon replaced. 

[Vagabond]

Apart from her being your neighbour, what attachment do you have to her?

Am i missing something here? What trouble is she causing in your life?

[2010]

The operative word is “charming”. 

 So true. Charm is taught. People aren't born with charm, they cultivate it- and they do so for a reason: in order to influence. Influence and manipulation are close cousins. The worst thing you can do to a Narcissist is ignore them. Their followers, on the other hand, have to find their own reasons to look away. I think that's the part here that's bothering you- the herd mentality of the followers. Follow your gut. It will tell you what you need to know- listen to it and not the neighbors.

[sometimesnow]

Vagabond,

This might seem weird, but heres the short of it. We were close friends as were are kids (10 year old range). we did a lot togther until she moved next door to me, think ajoining yards. Well, in short order

when she  moved in she replaced us with othes who i thought were my friends. we were established here for 10 years prior to her moving in two years ago. all of our kids go to a very smal catholic elementary school. so, there are only 20 girls my DDs age. This charming mom has basically pursued and invited and

taken control of that grade at school andy my neioghborhood at home. She controls all the social functions, i sthe coach of all the sports. etc. is at the bus stop evry day, every adult gathering i go to, she is there.

She has all the neighborhood kids wrapped aroundher finger, now my kids have no one nearby to play with as she dominates this area to0. hope that makes more sense. I wish she were just a neighbor i never saw!

My prob isnt somuch she is like that, but the others who dumped me and my lovely girls for her, her kids,and her social hour... .Evenafter they knew she was a red flagger. it still hurts to be alone and not included. I am surprised someone else hasnt come to my side.