I gave him one task... and now I have to fix it.

[Foreverhopefull]

I was in the hospital a few days last week for pneumonia. It was pay day and I asked him to do the errands since I was obviously unable to do them. Granted he hasn't really done them in over 1 year (except for a few times... .  I can count them on 1 hand).

I explain to him that he cannot under no circumstance go over budget, that we have pennies left over for this pay (we are living on my salary alone since he is registering for long term disability)... .  well, he went over budget by over $200... .  and our mortgage payment didn't pass.

So I've spent the last hour and a half on the phone with the bank to make arrangements to get back on track. Easy right? I'm late less than 8 days and I'm calling with a very reasonable plan that makes me back on track within 2 payments... .  WRONG. It took forever to get someone to accept the arrangement because I wasn't "in failure to pay" yet. It took them all this time to say that they could accept the arrangement... .  even if I'm too fast to make them  

I'm mad at myself for thinking he could do this one thing. I'm mad at him that he is soo sick right now that he can't even get dog food and treats without messing up. I'm mad at the systems in place that make it soo freaking hard for people to get the financial and otherwise help they need, so they can only concentrate on getting better. :'(

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[DyingLove]

that totally sucks.  i sympathize as well as relate. wish i was rich,  id send you 200 in a heartbeat

[Peace4ME]

Yuck, I totally feel for you. My pwBPD gets himself into near overdraft situations all the time, and uses a credit card cash withdrawl often. I have not and will not join bank accounts with him if his spending stays like this.

What did your husband say? How did he react?

[CodependentHusband]

Sorry to hear about that! Finances have caused a lot of issues for us, although the details are a bit different. My worry is that she won't work enough hours and the money that is supposed to auto-draft into my account doesn't show up.

For what it is worth, if you aren't 30 days late, there is usually no significant penalty. A late charge, maybe, but that's about it. I'm not saying not to worry about it, but seeing the gray helps me a lot when I think about dealing with our finances. I've gotten a bit stronger with her about spending, but I know I can;t count on her to actually pay any bills.

So sorry he let you down. 

[crazymade]

i know it's frustrating. my husband insist on handling all the finances. i work, and he stays at home all day. from reading here, it looks like a lot of pwBPD are on disability. My husband just got approved. in fact, today is payday and i forgot to leave the debit card with him. he just came and got it from he so he can 'take care of our business'. and what is that you say? paying rent and getting cigarettes and beer before I come home. Giving credit where it is due, sometimes he has to take care of other financial stuff while i'm at work. but for the most part, he gets to stay at home all day and sometimes take care of financial stuff. but he insists on determining what we spend money on. one time, he raged at me because i wanted to get some wendy's. he said that was going to break us. meanwhile, it didn't occur to him that me paying $10 for a gaming chat client could have also broken us. it was what I had spent money on that broke us.  yes, they definitely have money issues! my husband will dysregulate when we are broke, but as long as we have some money he is ok.

the way my husband is, i think it makes him feel good to go pay rent and look like he is doing something to contribute. not a professional (feel like one after all these years!), just an observation.