Lacking the ability to trust.

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I have had an issue with trust. I've had a hard time completely dropping my defenses. I know this is because of the abuse I suffered as a child. Even the authorities didn't help when I finally turned to them.

So when I got with the BPDexbf my issues got worse.

I know I'm not crazy like he tried to convince me I was. I know I am a good person and I know I have my issues. I just don't know how to open up and stop protecting myself so much.

Anyone got any tips?

[Gladto be away]

I have had an issue with trust. I've had a hard time completely dropping my defenses. I know this is because of the abuse I suffered as a child. Even the authorities didn't help when I finally turned to them.

So when I got with the BPDexbf my issues got worse.

I know I'm not crazy like he tried to convince me I was. I know I am a good person and I know I have my issues. I just don't know how to open up and stop protecting myself so much.

Anyone got any tips?

[DesertChild]

I found some of *my* trust issues are often connected to my lack of trust in myself. The other part of it is a total lack of seeing what a healthy boundary looks like. Even though I went through boundary training, I still have doubts and do lots of second guessing. Even though I'm NC, I still hear my BPDm in my ear even though I know she's wrong.

I'm not sure if it is the same for you, but if it is true, then therapy is usually the way to get out of the cycle. You need a trained professional to recondition you into how to use the techniques and consistently and also to trust yourself.

Fundamentally, if you can't trust yourself, you can't trust others, if you can't create boundaries for yourself, you can't create boundaries for others, if you can't love yourself, you won't be able to love others. And knowing and doing are separate things. Having someone help you create those things definitely helps.

[Gladto be away]

I've had therapy years of it. Hasn't gotten to the core of this issue. Right now as much as I would love to I can't afford a therapist.

[P.F.Change]

I have a BPDm and also find it difficult to trust. Too many times, people I looked up to or trusted when I was younger  have turned out to be abusers. I find I keep most relationships at a surface level until I am pretty confident the person is safe. After that, I know that I will be able to take care of myself with boundaries if they happen to have a breakdown or something. Anyway, you're not alone.

What signs tell you someone is not safe? What things might indicate that it is ok to try trusting? Are there any small things you can practice trusting someone with?

Wishing you peace,

PF