Painted white after smear campaign?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Any real experiences?  Possible?  How do these things ever stop?  Wondering if it takes this route if its a more "final" exit for them? 

I havent seen much on a total discard/smear ending.  What evidence can someone here present?  Thanks

[Whitefang]

Any real experiences?  Possible?  How do these things ever stop?  Wondering if it takes this route if its a more "final" exit for them? 

I havent seen much on a total discard/smear ending.  What evidence can someone here present?  Thanks

[TheDude]

There's a ton about what you're asking in the "Workshops" section.

My own experience is that this can be a never-ending cycle (until WE end it). I've been the greatest man on the planet four times. I've also been the root of all that's wrong with humanity... .  four times. I have no reason to believe that she won't return, yet again, looking for her savior (after all, I've taught her it's completely normal to behave this way).

I presume there will be replies that will reflect the fact that someone hasn't yet been through a recycle and/or that the ex still has them classified 'black', and it's been 2 or 3 months! Well, my breaks (usually total NC) have lasted 6 to 8 months. Many have described years. Whatever the time frame, it seems to me they have an uncanny ability to reappear just as we've finally gotten to the acceptance stage, but not necessarily completely healed. It's utterly maddening.

[Whitefang]

Hey dude, thanks.  Yeah im quite familiar with the splitting.  In my case, it was kinda gradual then compleye freeze out after a yr.  Also quite painful, btw.  There was evidence of a little smearing 2 yrs ago but apparently still working behind the scenes for the big daddy .  Now it involves MANY ppl & proxies to "keep me informed" and attack me abt her abysmal lies.  Od haye me too IF THEY WERE TRUE. 

Just like some insight like yours where youve been not just split, but outright smeared socoally & was there an "end"?  Going on 2 yrs now really.  Still no answers or much from her besides her msg telling me she has nothing but contempt for me.  Seems the longer its gone,the WORSE its become & the further lost she is to recalling our yrs together.  Shes even further "out there/psychosis" when it comes to me & has her mantra abt me down to a few evil sentences, still hunting ppl down she doesnt even know just to spin her tale.   

One thing ill give her, shes left no stone unturned.  Hit damn near everybody ive known since the day i was born.  Literally.  Yes shes tried to find my biological mother whom ive never met just to spew how i "ruined her life".

Anyone had similar smearing happen & seen an END to it?

[Whitefang]

*oops supposed to say id hate me too... .  if it was true.

[Tormenta]

I presume there will be replies that will reflect the fact that someone hasn't yet been through a recycle and/or that the ex still has them classified 'black', and it's been 2 or 3 months! Well, my breaks (usually total NC) have lasted 6 to 8 months. Many have described years. Whatever the time frame, it seems to me they have an uncanny ability to reappear just as we've finally gotten to the acceptance stage, but not necessarily completely healed. It's utterly maddening.

Yeah, that´s a 

During the acceptance stage, not completely healed, yeah!

Maybe when you are more confident or look healthy so that they see you as possible care takers again?

[TheDude]

HardHabit - I was referring more to just the B/W splitting thing in general, not so much any kind of social 'campaign', as it were. I'm less familiar with that, as my situation has been more one of isolation. We shared very few common friends, and those we did - she never spoke to after our 'breaks'. I come from a small family (none of who she cared for much), and she's estranged from her entire family (surprise).

The nearest I can relate to what you speak of is with my perception of what occurs with her "virtual" friends. I have no idea what sort of things she tells these people (she has said she never says anything about 'us', but when we recycle, I've always been uncomfortable with the fact that she effectively keeps me/us a secret. Even when I bought her the engagement ring - I'm not aware that she told anyone at all. Strange?

Anyway, my point would be this - IF there's BPD or 'Cluster B' at work, then it seems more than likely that the black will eventually shift to white at some point again. In order to facilitate this, the extended cast of characters who were on the receiving end of the victim rants could very well find themselves painted black. They would almost have to as a way to justify the the split reversal. Am I making sense here?

Maybe when you are more confident or look healthy so that they see you as possible care takers again?

Maybe, but if in total NC (as has usually been the case for us), how would they know? I actually don't think it has anything to do with who or what we are or have become while apart. I believe it's 100% about them and the mystifying perceptions they have about their wants and needs as they hop from one emotional lily pad to the other.

[Whitefang]

Wow really hoped to get more insight into this particular scenario.  I know the splitting is almost inevitable but the smearing is optional.  Like to hear from anyone whos been thru this and eventual "outcome".  Thanks

[trevjim]

Wow really hoped to get more insight into this particular scenario.  I know the splitting is almost inevitable but the smearing is optional.  Like to hear from anyone whos been thru this and eventual "outcome".  Thanks

Mine smeared me to her family because she got with someone the day after we split, so the family where obviously a bit like well are you not moving on too quickly? You just had a serious relationship with 'me'. So she told them that I'm this and that, that I havnt been doing this and that etc, now the family hate me and love the new guy because he appears so much better then the picture she painted of me to her family.

The outcome? Well she is still with the new guy

[Whitefang]

Man Trev, that blows.  Ive read the smearing often starts behind the scenes before NON finds out.  For example, BPD dropping hints so it appears as no surprise once it starts.  Like ppl were almost "expecting" it.  All part of the victim portrayal. 

I can come closer to accepting the demise, but this after effect of her going out of her way to STILL bash me is what i dont understand.  Shes dug her hole so deep now, im sure her shame wont ever make her be decent to me again.  It just hurts as ive never felt so much negative energy spent on anyone hating and trying to destroy me. 

[trevjim]

I have wondered if they smear us and paint a bad picture of us not just for other people, but for themselves, so they look back and see us as 'bad'

[recoil]

I keep listening for smears but haven't heard anything (we work together).  I'm waiting though.

We got back together after a month and a half apart and I definitely felt like she didn't want anyone to know.  Maybe shame of getting back together?

She never unblocked me from FB when we got back together.  We were together for about six months and I was never unblocked.