Hi squashed.human,
yeah, that is sure frustrating. There is some awareness on her side that she is sensitive but then she is using it as giving her the right to demand you walk on eggshells . You are right in that this is not a healthy situation.
She may be sensitive, possibly more than most but
what she is lacking is a healthy way to process the emotional information she is receiving. As frustrating as it may be - that is part and parcel of BPD. She will sense your emotions but her reaction tends to be off... .
I never called her bully (I'm not crazy to even think of saying it) but she's the one brought up the word saying "I'm not a bully" when i was trying to explain how she was unfair in situation when it was reversed. So I'm actually feeling bullyed at and Need help on conveying the thought to her without things go the wrong way
You may not have called her bully but possibly some other person in a similar situation has. When highly excited facts go out of the window and after all what matters is that she is afraid to be called bully. Frankly she is right as she is pushing others driven by her own fears. And she is also right in that labeling her bully is not helpful. Still in her mind the "bully" fear talk is on. Projection... .
REASON does not help. Forget explaining much at this point in time while fear is ruling. Emotional balance needs first to be reached. Validation is very important for her.
Don't let her bully you with e.g. "bully talk". Use SET to explain to her while she feels afraid you did not say anything. And if she continues take a timeout. Explaining does not help with dealing with bullies. Boundaries and timeouts do!
Your own needs? You can use SET to explain in a targeted manner and also self validate speaking with yourself (so she can overhear you). You have this board. You may get a T. For a while it will be hard to be fully heard by her.
Check out the LESSONS at the top of the board.
