Still doing what I like to do

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I volunteer with an animal shelter, I've been doing it for years. I had introduced my undiagnosed Ex Boyfriend to this organization and we had been volunteering together, when we first started dating and during our 4 month breakup and continued when we got back together. When we first broke up I told him I rather he didn't volunteer there. However, he emailed me telling me he wanted to continue to go, since "it was for the dogs." I answered back, okay and suggested he might find other volunteers to help with a particular dog that needed more than one handler. I admit that he doesn't have a lot of other hobbies etc, so volunteering gives him something to do and he loves it and is good with the dogs. I've been doing much better, but today the guy in charge our our Adoption Days told me that my Ex had emailed him about wanting to volunteer still, but didn't want to do it unless I was okay with it. Which makes me think, "what you told me that you were going to do it anyway?"  I also think he had gone a few times after our breakup, when I wasn't there." I just think that it's weird that he emailed him, basically making me seem like the mean Ex girlfriend keeping him from helping the dogs! Any thoughts, why he did this? I mean of course my ego, would like to think he doesn't want to lose that connection with me, but I've been enjoying the whole out of sight thing, however not out of mind yet! I really don't want him in my life, maybe in the future when he has worked on himself, and can apologize for hurting me so much!

[Findingmysong723]

I volunteer with an animal shelter, I've been doing it for years. I had introduced my undiagnosed Ex Boyfriend to this organization and we had been volunteering together, when we first started dating and during our 4 month breakup and continued when we got back together. When we first broke up I told him I rather he didn't volunteer there. However, he emailed me telling me he wanted to continue to go, since "it was for the dogs." I answered back, okay and suggested he might find other volunteers to help with a particular dog that needed more than one handler. I admit that he doesn't have a lot of other hobbies etc, so volunteering gives him something to do and he loves it and is good with the dogs. I've been doing much better, but today the guy in charge our our Adoption Days told me that my Ex had emailed him about wanting to volunteer still, but didn't want to do it unless I was okay with it. Which makes me think, "what you told me that you were going to do it anyway?"  I also think he had gone a few times after our breakup, when I wasn't there." I just think that it's weird that he emailed him, basically making me seem like the mean Ex girlfriend keeping him from helping the dogs! Any thoughts, why he did this? I mean of course my ego, would like to think he doesn't want to lose that connection with me, but I've been enjoying the whole out of sight thing, however not out of mind yet! I really don't want him in my life, maybe in the future when he has worked on himself, and can apologize for hurting me so much!

[Want2know]

Actually, it sounds like he did a responsible thing.  He could have just disregarded what you had asked him, and continued to volunteer without caring what you thought.

Have you spoken with your boss about it at all?

[Findingmysong723]

Not really, I briefly told the coordinator that it was a confusing relationship and breakup, and it was easier for me not to see him. I just thought it was odd, because he had already told me he was going to continue to do it, but then after months he decided to contact the coordinator about it. I told the coordinator, that I'll be an adult about it, if he comes. However, I also mentioned that he could go on days I don't. Now that I've been out of the relationship for awhile, I've had to accept how unhealthy his behavior was toward me at times, and that makes me not want him in any aspect of my life!

[Want2know]

It's probably better that the coordinator knows only a little bit about your situation.  Personal life issues are best kept out of a work situation, unless there is conflict at work between the two of you.  At least he has a general idea.

It is unfortunate you may have to see him, however you did say it is something he likes and is good at, so it's fair for him to be there, too.

Play it by ear, and see how it goes.  It may turn out fine.