anyone been able to successfully move out of state?

[livednlearned]

My job ends in December. Last week, one of my bosses (I have two, one here, and one in another state) asked if I was "movable," meaning, could I relocate?

The job is an excellent one, but it is roughly 3,000 miles away. It's on the same coast my family is on, which is where I ultimately want to be.

Next Wed I have a pre-settlement conference hearing about sole legal custody for S11. I know that trying to get court permission to move is a whole other issue. Have not talked to my L yet.

Has anyone gone before the court to ask for permission to move? How has it worked in your state?

My concern is that right now S11 sees his dad for 4 hours Sat, 4 hours Sun. He is doing well with the arrangement. I worry that moving across country means that he will have to start having overnights with his dad again, for weeks at a time. But I'm guessing that is practically automatic (extended weeks and multi-day overnights) when a parent moves away?

[AnotherPhoenix]

  Lnl,

I know it is doable. My state has template custody orders that can be used in situations like that. I don't know what they are. Perhaps your state has template custody orders for your relocation that could be modified for your particular situation.

AnotherPheonix   

[ForeverDad]

Thousands of people move all the time, even out of state and huge distances away.  It happens.  Courts deal with it all the time.  As long as you don't say something self-sabotaging like "I am moving to get us as far away from ex as I can" then it should be doable.  Your job is ending, one of your employers wants you to come work in employer's area.  That makes sense.  That it is closer to some of your family support is a bonus, but not something to highlight.  Don't deny it, but don't draw focus to it either.  I think.  Ask your lawyer how to best handle the issue.

I don't know how the court would want to handle visitation with the complication of a distance factor.  Since there are no overnights now, your child's safety should still be a concern with the court, the logistics would be a concern.  Maybe ex having to travel to your area to have visitation, due to his higher financial income, and not son flying alone to him for visits?

[livednlearned]

I don't know how the court would want to handle visitation with the complication of a distance factor.  Since there are no overnights now, your child's safety should still be a concern with the court, the logistics would be a concern.  Maybe ex having to travel to your area to have visitation, due to his higher financial income, and not son flying alone to him for visits?

Hadn't even thought of that -- having ex fly to spend time with S11 vs the other way around. Interesting... .  

I was thinking that I would end of spending all vacation time in ex's state so that S11 did not have to spend overnight, just go over to his dad's each day, then return before beer o'clock. Seems weird, but I don't see why me moving away for a job should change the safety of what we have set up.

I do think that N/BPDx will fight it to the bitter end and try to drag it out so that I can't move in a timely fashion. Everything else with the courts seems to take so much time, but maybe this would happen quickly? My current boss also seems to think that I will need a firm job offer before court will consider it, so will have to ace the interview first and then file with the court to relocate.

[Forward2free]

Having a firm offer will certainly be an excellent position to take - good luck with the interview!

[livednlearned]

Ugh.

Just found out today that while I may be in a good position to relocate, it can take 9months or longer. Judge evaluates based on 10 criteria, including having family nearby, moving where there are good schools, how involved in the other parent, what impact would it have on minor child, firm job offer, etc. My L thinks I would do well, especially if I get sole legal custody, but she said the process moves at a snail's pace, and that's if N/BPDx doesn't do a bunch of stuff to impede it.

Also learned that when an attorney represents himself, the judge tends to hold him harder to the rules, like all those procedural things. Because he doesn't want the parent/attorney to appeal based on technicalities. Explains why N/BPDx keeps getting told to go get another rock when he files stuff -- usually because he didn't do it the proper way. My L said it's very complex, and she makes it look easy, so it isn't that N/BPDx is a bad lawyer exactly, just that court is complicated and this judge in particular is being a stickler.

So just having N/BPDx be an attorney could make the motion to relocate drag on because he doesn't file stuff properly and in a timely manner because he's learning as he goes.

I can't imagine any job that would wait 9+ months (with no certainty), so I doubt I'll be moving anytime soon.

[Forward2free]

But if you don't give it a red hot go, you'll never know. It sounds like your L knows what's required so maybe it won't take as long as you think. My BPD/Nxh just gave up new overnight time to wait it out for 6 more months because he was stubborn. I was shocked that he let it go so easily. If mine can act in new and stupid ways, maybe yours can too?

[ForeverDad]

It's hard for me to imagine that a court would take 9 months to decide a parenting schedule when relocating for work.  I can't imagine a job even waiting half that long.

Your current work is ending, right?  What can it hurt to file for a move.  Since court is known to drag it's feet, don't list the last possible day for a move.  How about in time for the new school year?  That sure makes better sense than mid-school year, though then isn't so bad either.  Moves happen.  Courts take it in stride.  IMO - Go for it.  List your papers for Sept 1 (or before whenever that area starts school) but it's up to you to state that job offer is open as late as December decision.  Remember, you need to find a place to live, register for school, etc.  Give yourself the time.

[livednlearned]

Tomorrow I talk to the boss who invited me to apply -- I told him about the 9+ months it might take, and he still wants to talk. So who knows. He went through a contentious divorce and may be understanding enough to hire an interim person while waiting for my case to be decided?

The problem is how broke I am -- I know many of you can relate. I owe my L $3000 and trial for sole legal custody hasn't even started yet.

:'(