Day 19 of NC... feeling weak, depressed, lonely

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Doing what I can to keep it together... .  going to therapy. going to CODA meetings when im able to... .  Working out all the time, only way for me to get any type of High right now... .  trying to meet new friends(not gfs) looking for a female companion... .  thats been frustrating haha... .  made me remember why i loved my ex so much... .  Made me want to contact her soo fn bad... .  but i know ill regret it as soon as she texts me back something nasty or doesnt text back at all, to get an emotional rxn out of me so that her abandoning me is justified. Anyway, I got my lisc. back a few days ago, and she doesnt drive... .  She contacted my mother and I last Sunday with friendly messages out of the blue... .  my mom said if she was having so much fun and forgetting about you why would she text you out of the blue like that? a part of me wishes she never texted me so i dont have any expectations about her being nice to me anytime soon... .  my ego is hurting bad and im looking for quick fix to inflate it, even temporarily... .  ive been doing good, except for yesterday... .  Any advice on keeping my head up, and maybe an initiative to stay NC? Ive been thinking of giving it another try just to have some crazy sex for a few days, weeks or months? but then i know id hit rock bottom all over again... .  I KNOW IT WONT WORK in my mind, but my heart/" lil me" haha doesnt want it to be over... .  

[WillSurvive420]

Doing what I can to keep it together... .  going to therapy. going to CODA meetings when im able to... .  Working out all the time, only way for me to get any type of High right now... .  trying to meet new friends(not gfs) looking for a female companion... .  thats been frustrating haha... .  made me remember why i loved my ex so much... .  Made me want to contact her soo fn bad... .  but i know ill regret it as soon as she texts me back something nasty or doesnt text back at all, to get an emotional rxn out of me so that her abandoning me is justified. Anyway, I got my lisc. back a few days ago, and she doesnt drive... .  She contacted my mother and I last Sunday with friendly messages out of the blue... .  my mom said if she was having so much fun and forgetting about you why would she text you out of the blue like that? a part of me wishes she never texted me so i dont have any expectations about her being nice to me anytime soon... .  my ego is hurting bad and im looking for quick fix to inflate it, even temporarily... .  ive been doing good, except for yesterday... .  Any advice on keeping my head up, and maybe an initiative to stay NC? Ive been thinking of giving it another try just to have some crazy sex for a few days, weeks or months? but then i know id hit rock bottom all over again... .  I KNOW IT WONT WORK in my mind, but my heart/" lil me" haha doesnt want it to be over... .  

[Siamese Rescue]

I'm day 21... .  I know how you feel.  How interesting that my uBPDexbf called my ex-husband the other day - made some excuse about a client he referred to him and then asked about me.  I'm aching and dying and starving.  However, I replied to let you know, I am NOT calling him or texting him.  Stay the course.  I'll do it with you. 

[Rocknut]

I'm at 8 days of NC. The longest I ever went without hearing from him at all was 12 days. The longest i went without seeing him in person is 21 days. I'm really nervous as day 12 approaches.

[WillSurvive420]

a difficult part is that we do still eventually have to see each other to exchange stuff... .  and she contacted me on mothers day but i didnt reply... .  i have a good reason to contact her next week so bc shes graduating and i wanna go. well c how that plays out... .  going to call her tommorow to see if i can roll by on tuesday to drop off some things. nervous excited depressed and angry all at once... .