Christmas Eve Mutual Dumping

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

We did it. We dumped each other tonight after 4 years of hell.  And it was a normal-type breakup except we acknowledged the r/s is unhealthly.

She said because of her mental illness she needs to be with someone who can build her up and not with a depressed person and that I am now worse than her.

I could not argue about it and made zero attempt to salvage the r/s. Apparently a great way to break off a long term r/s with a BPDgf is to become a depressive personality (the opposite of what I was 4 years ago).  I guess 4 years in a BPD r/s will do that to a person.

I don't want to depress any of the members so I won't go into the sorry details of my present circumstances other than to say a lot of life has been sucked out of me over the time.  Only way to go is up from here I guess.

[nowwhatz]

We did it. We dumped each other tonight after 4 years of hell.  And it was a normal-type breakup except we acknowledged the r/s is unhealthly.

She said because of her mental illness she needs to be with someone who can build her up and not with a depressed person and that I am now worse than her.

I could not argue about it and made zero attempt to salvage the r/s. Apparently a great way to break off a long term r/s with a BPDgf is to become a depressive personality (the opposite of what I was 4 years ago).  I guess 4 years in a BPD r/s will do that to a person.

I don't want to depress any of the members so I won't go into the sorry details of my present circumstances other than to say a lot of life has been sucked out of me over the time.  Only way to go is up from here I guess.

[Beach_Babe]

I'm sorry to hear that.  . How are you doing now?

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

This may sound tough but really this is a Christmas blessing.  I won't deny you will miss your ex like crazy, but it sounds as if this one has sucked the last drop of blood out of you.  Concentrate on treating your depression.  Try meditation (mindfulness) and see a doctor or a holistic practitioner.  I have got a hold on depression with mindfulness and a combination of supplements such as st jons wort and 5http.  Most important of all is to start NC.  Turn around, look within, and move on.

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

She said because of her mental illness she needs to be with someone who can build her up and not with a depressed person and that I am now worse than her.

Even the most experienced psychiatrists and therapists struggle to treat these people.  Folks such as you and I have no chance.  They are very ill and very destructive people. 

[NonAverageJoe]

The night after my Ex stayed out all night with "friends" 3 days before I dumped her she was begging me to "be the man I fell in love with"

"I said I am but I'm trying to build a future and make changes for my career."

Now I realize that it was because she was emotionally abusive and draining me. Good riddance.

[nowwhatz]

I'm sorry to hear that.  . How are you doing now?

Thanks. I am a little angry feeling somewhat stupid now.  She offered to give me her phone back last night (which I am paying for) and I said keep it for a week and get a new one. Mistake.  I texted her a little while ago and told her to have phone ready I will pick up in about 1 hr.

[nowwhatz]

This may sound tough but really this is a Christmas blessing.  I won't deny you will miss your ex like crazy, but it sounds as if this one has sucked the last drop of blood out of you.  Concentrate on treating your depression.  Try meditation (mindfulness) and see a doctor or a holistic practitioner.  I have got a hold on depression with mindfulness and a combination of supplements such as st jons wort and 5http.  Most important of all is to start NC.  Turn around, look within, and move on.

I agree. I hope I don't miss her too much. With every last drop of blood sucked out of me maybe I won't have enough feeling left to miss anybody.  Right now I am a little bit angry because she tried to guilt me a bit last night during our breakup.

Pretty sure most of my depression is situational. Any guy who allows someone to suck every last drop of blood and money out of him over a 4 year span is going to be depressed.

At least I still have some life left in me. Feeling angry means I am still alive. I have my children, still have a job, some hobbies and a few friends left.

[finallyfreedom]

I too spent almost 4 years praying for a day without drama, but feeling more and more down with each passing day as it went on.

Finally a few months ago I drew that last straw that broke the camels back and cut her out of my life completely. Despite periodically getting irrational pangs of missing her, I'm very grateful for days and days without any drama whatsoever.

My BPDex was disabled though, I would have taken care of her out of love, but some people don't deserve such sacrifices. So my future has definitely changed for the better come what may.

[nowwhatz]

I was able to get back the nice Samsung Galaxy phone from now exBPDgf... .Merry Christmas to me yayyyy.

Also told her she must pay back money to me and will do my best to hold her to it.

This is the start of what I believe to be is the real deal - The real ending to this nightmare r/s. 

Wasn't much to miss over the last year or so so hoping I don't get down.  When I saw her today I could only see a parasite.

Now I have to reformat the phone... .get rid of the hello kitty wallpaper and all her ___.

[Beach_Babe]

Good for you, nowwhatz. I agree with Mr. Confused this truly is a Christmas blessing. I admire you for having the strength to walk away for good. I get angry at myself for always going back.

[nowwhatz]

Good for you, nowwhatz. I agree with Mr. Confused this truly is a Christmas blessing. I admire you for having the strength to walk away for good. I get angry at myself for always going back.

Thanks B_B!   It only took me 4 years of blood letting to finally bring me to this point.

I am in shock that I am suddenly crying.  Not for her but I feel like a man who has been released from prison!

Christmas Blessing it is and a Christmas present to boot - I am liking the Samsung Galaxy S5 phone I extracted from her this morning.

Now I have a nice phone for my personal use and can use my other phone strictly for business. B_B I took her back so many times I lost count. Don't be angry at yourself. I think you need to have a big heart to get involved with these BPDers.   My heart barely has any blood left and is hardly functioning.   

I have changed so much and not in a good way.

Don't wait as long as I did.

I want to be the open, adventurous, loving person I used to be. I hope I can one day.

[Infared]

     

[Infared]

I was able to get back the nice Samsung Galaxy phone from now exBPDgf... .Merry Christmas to me yayyyy.

Now I have to reformat the phone... .get rid of the hello kitty wallpaper and all her ___.

OK... .I can't lie.  This part made me laugh quite hard.

   MERRY CHRISTMAS!  

[Infared]

 

[myself]

She said because of her mental illness she needs to be with someone who can build her up and not with a depressed person and that I am now worse than her.

Sounds like projection. She's saying that you need to be with someone who is good for you and doesn't break you down. That she is worse off than you. Acknowledging her mental illness but laying the blame on you for the r/s not working. Good for you to get out. Stay focused on detaching. Have a Happy New Year too!

[nowwhatz]

I was able to get back the nice Samsung Galaxy phone from now exBPDgf... .Merry Christmas to me yayyyy.

Now I have to reformat the phone... .get rid of the hello kitty wallpaper and all her ___.

OK... .I can't lie.  This part made me laugh quite hard.

   MERRY CHRISTMAS!  

Done! and the phone company helped me remove her ringback tone and spanish language vm setup AND change number so I won't be getting any of her calls.

Best and only "present" I have ever received from her... .even if I paid for it!

[nowwhatz]

She said because of her mental illness she needs to be with someone who can build her up and not with a depressed person and that I am now worse than her.

Sounds like projection. She's saying that you need to be with someone who is good for you and doesn't break you down. That she is worse off than you. Acknowledging her mental illness but laying the blame on you for the r/s not working. Good for you to get out. Stay focused on detaching. Have a Happy New Year too!

Thanks! I will try to keep it under control. I didn't consider the projection angle... .sounds quite plausible.  It is true I have been depressed and under a tremendous amount of pressure shouldering the load for everything including her with zero support.

She is better than she was before but yes she blamed me for the r/s ending.  Pisses me off.

Btw I asked her to pay me back the $$$ I "loaned" her to help get her into an apt leased by her son's gf.  I didn't expect to get anything back but I sent her an invoice w/ reasonable payment arrangment.

She and her son left a few items in my house. Her son texted me today asking if he could come over today on Christmas and pick up the rest of his stuff. I told him not today.  I am inclined to hold on to any of their ___ until she makes an effort to pay back any $$$.

[nowwhatz]

She said because of her mental illness she needs to be with someone who can build her up and not with a depressed person and that I am now worse than her.

Sounds like projection. She's saying that you need to be with someone who is good for you and doesn't break you down. That she is worse off than you. Acknowledging her mental illness but laying the blame on you for the r/s not working. Good for you to get out. Stay focused on detaching. Have a Happy New Year too!

Happy New Year to you too!

Being broken down sucks. I allowed it to happen but now I have to repair myself.

At least there is not much ruminating going on but I am feeling a little sting. If I think about it there was a lot of projection going on.

Anger is no fun but I would rather be angry at her than feel sorry and start wanting to chase the lie again.

[Beach_Babe]

Good for you, nowwhatz. I agree with Mr. Confused this truly is a Christmas blessing. I admire you for having the strength to walk away for good. I get angry at myself for always going back.

Thanks B_B!   It only took me 4 years of blood letting to finally bring me to this point.

I am in shock that I am suddenly crying.  Not for her but I feel like a man who has been released from prison!

Christmas Blessing it is and a Christmas present to boot - I am liking the Samsung Galaxy S5 phone I extracted from her this morning.

Now I have a nice phone for my personal use and can use my other phone strictly for business. B_B I took her back so many times I lost count. Don't be angry at yourself. I think you need to have a big heart to get involved with these BPDers.   My heart barely has any blood left and is hardly functioning.   

I have changed so much and not in a good way.

Don't wait as long as I did.

I want to be the open, adventurous, loving person I used to be. I hope I can one day.

Kudos! How long were you with Cruella?

[nowwhatz]

Good for you, nowwhatz. I agree with Mr. Confused this truly is a Christmas blessing. I admire you for having the strength to walk away for good. I get angry at myself for always going back.

Thanks B_B!   It only took me 4 years of blood letting to finally bring me to this point.

I am in shock that I am suddenly crying.  Not for her but I feel like a man who has been released from prison!

Christmas Blessing it is and a Christmas present to boot - I am liking the Samsung Galaxy S5 phone I extracted from her this morning.

Now I have a nice phone for my personal use and can use my other phone strictly for business. B_B I took her back so many times I lost count. Don't be angry at yourself. I think you need to have a big heart to get involved with these BPDers.   My heart barely has any blood left and is hardly functioning.   

I have changed so much and not in a good way.

Don't wait as long as I did.

I want to be the open, adventurous, loving person I used to be. I hope I can one day.

Kudos! How long were you with Cruella?

Oh almost 4 years. First 3 on and off numerous recycles. Then a full year.

A lot of wasted time and effort and money.  Don't know how I can recover and enjoy life again. It is like I have been infected and her emotional/mental problems passed on to me.