BPD Sister

[Depression = 72% of members]

Are there any resorces to talk to someone local to where I am, about how to deal with my BPD sister? Like a list of therapists specializing in BPD or support groups?

I just don't know how to stop her from harrassing me.

[acb123]

Are there any resorces to talk to someone local to where I am, about how to deal with my BPD sister? Like a list of therapists specializing in BPD or support groups?

I just don't know how to stop her from harrassing me.

[mamachelle]

Hi acb123,



We are an online support group and are here to help. We have many people here working on coping with a BPD relative.

What is the current situation with your sister--can your describe a little more what is going on?

Are you living with her?

Do you have support from any family or friends?

You could look into NAMI for a local chapter for support. I would suggest both posting here and also looking into a therapist.

Let us know so we can help.

Yours,

mamachelle

[acb123]

My sister and I live far apart. We are both in our 40s. I discovered about 13 years ago that she is BPD. Up until that point, I could never make any sense of why she was always fighting and twisting things around since we were kids. I struggled trying to resolve it and figure it out. Once I realized that she is BPD, it all made total  sense. But the relationship still goes on, she is totally unaware and thinks everyone else has issues.

She lives with her 9 year old daughter whom I love and careabout deeply. My sister is nearly 50 and has burned alll bridges and has no strong or healthy relationships with anyone. She is going through a lot now, in a law suit with her ex, she was fired from her job and lives alone and supports her 9 year old.

I feel such guilt. I can't help it, I love her, or at least something in her and care for her. I just can't help that. But she is a nasty harrassing person to me. She is hurt and crying out for help in her own way, of course while insulting and attacking me and the rest of my family at the same time. I also have a dad (NPD and not really involved), a brother who is a meltingpot of a variety of disorders also homeless and drinks, my other brother lives on the other side of the world and has his own issues to care for his family and work situation. Our mother is dead. I am the only solid thing in her life. I have a family of my own and need to deal with my life, but her stuff just takes over. She thinks everone has it just peachy.

She never appreciates what anyone has ever done. I have done a lot for her, but it is never recognized. It's as if she wants blood, nothing is ever enough. I have slowly put up more boundries over the years as i need to protect myself.

Things came to a head again in recent days with a cry for help email that was also beckoning a fight, from all in the family. I responded with the SET approach. Caring, but not taking the bs and noting what she seemed to be saying. After mocking me, she went into a slue about 15 nasty emails back, running the gammet of "you are a sick person" said in a multitude of beyond sick ways, to lying about stuff to prove some point of hers, to siting astrology, to saying I wish we could be sisters, but we need to talk this out and get over the past. I have not written back yet.

I prefer email with her, everything that is said is in black and white. She wants to talk, but  historically it's a fighting fest from her saying whatever crazy things she wants and never having it on record.

Anyhoo, I am going on about this. Basically she needs an answer from me and I am silent right now. I wish I could just leave this situaton, but I don't want to leave my neice, and I do worry because my sister really has no one. But maybe she needs to hit bottom to recognize  she can not treat people like she does.

I just don't know what to do.

[mamachelle]

Hi acb123,

I think when you set a limit and get 16 nasty emails-- it is part of an "extinction burst." It's hard to deal with I know. SET is a great tool. Here are a couple more things to look at:

BOUNDARIES: Upholding our values and independence

TOOLS: Triggering, Mindfulness, and the Wise Mind

Workshop - US: What it means to be in the “FOG”

Please feel free to join us over on our Main Boards to get more targeted help from folks who've been through this.

When a family member has BPD, the illness can negatively everyone in the family system, including children, siblings, and in-laws. Senior members on the [L5]  Coping and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw board are experienced with and can help you with setting boundaries, finding relief from FOG, encouraging self-care, improving your handling of relationships impacted by your BPD relative, and pursuing a path of recovery from traumatic experiences. The validation, information, and support will give you strength on your journey.

 mamachelle

[acb123]

Thanks Mamachelle!

I will look into these links.

I'm so new here, I didin't even realize I wasn't posting on the best board for my situation.

Thanks.

[acb123]

Can I just say Thanks agian. I only spent a few minutes reading up on extiction bursts, but holy mackerel! Wow, I had no idea what was happeneing, but it makes so much sense.

Thanks. I'm so happy to have found this site!

[mamachelle]

acb123,

You were posting in the right place for new members so no worries. I also had a  moment with extinction bursts... . explained so much.

I really like these books and recommend both as great for you:

I Don't Have To Make Everything All Better - Gary Lundberg and Joy Lundberg

Essential Family Guide

See you around! 

mamachelle