What are the odds? Could I have fallen for it again?

[PeaveyT40]

Greetings,

First, and most importantly, my sincerest and deepest thank you for this site and everyone here for the awesome help and assistance that I have received here.

It has been just over a year since I ended a relationship with my expBPDgf and do not think I could have done it alone. The support that I have received here is truly unmeasurable.

My current dilemna is that it may very well be possible that I am, or have fallen, into a relationship with a uBPD. I was in a brief relationship after myexpBPDgf, and although it only lasted a few months, nothing I felt in that one compares with the feelings of Deja Vu that I feel with my potentially upBPDgf.

I just finished reading the article "How a Borderline Personality Disorder Love Relationship Evolves," and I must admit it has shaken me quite a bit.

I have attempted to ignore many "unusual" behaviors, but they're becoming too much to ignore anymore. We've been together nearly 3 months now. She is in therapy and taking medication under a psychiatrists care. She has told me that she suffers from GAD, depression, and co-dependancy.

We are about to depart on our first vacation together in two days. I'm taking her on a week-long caribbean cruise. She's on her way over now, so my time here for now is limited.

I guess the bottom-line for me returning here for help is two-fold:

1) To find out if anyone who's ever left a relationship with a pwBPD have ever become enmeshed with another one?

2) I have been attempting to be as objective as possible in interpretting the actions and behaviour with my potentially upwBPDgf. Could I just be imagining most of it and/or cognitively processing it through a faulty process?

I know I have not offered much as far as specifics. For the limited time I have at the moment, I was looking at a minimum for some  to look for, maybe more than the obvious or what I'm closing my eyes to. 

Thank you all again and will update my status in the not to distant future. I am really trying to stay hopeful and optimistic. 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

I know some people are continuously attracted to them. Even if out of the memory of that idealization phase. It is quite possible I guess to fall for someone who can equal that idealization phase and then just crossing your fingers that this is their "real" behavior and not just one side of a BPD trait.

It is also possible that the PD radar is oversensitive.

Be aware there is a whole lot of people with other disorders and personal issues that on the surface can present similar at first.

Just stay observant and watch your own reactions. If you have learnt anything in your time here I am sure you will pick it up for sure, especially if you want to discuss things here just to keep yourself centered

[HarposGal]

To answer your question, I think I have. I look back at my past relationships and see evidence of a large portion being potential BPD candidates. There was definitely one, that now, I'm certain of. I wonder if I attract them. Then wonder again if my radar is tweaked because of my current situation.

I notice that my BPDbf also tends to attract people that have at least some of the traits. I again wonder if my radar is oversensitive, I don't like to think ill of his friends. Frankly, I think I just didn't know the signs and symptoms before. Now it's easy to see what x equals if someone gives you the formula... . have faith in your knowledge!

However, I think it shows you are a good person and very objective, to question this.

You mentioned a trip. This is one of few consistent times my BPDbf is 'normal'. It seems like when he out of his regular surroundings lots of the guilt and self loathing is temporarily alleviated. He can be whoever he wants without guilt or worry that he will contradict himself. So enjoy the trip, relax and don't look for more clues now, it may not provide any further evidence either way.

[bruceli]

Greetings,

First, and most importantly, my sincerest and deepest thank you for this site and everyone here for the awesome help and assistance that I have received here.

It has been just over a year since I ended a relationship with my expBPDgf and do not think I could have done it alone. The support that I have received here is truly unmeasurable.

My current dilemna is that it may very well be possible that I am, or have fallen, into a relationship with a uBPD. I was in a brief relationship after myexpBPDgf, and although it only lasted a few months, nothing I felt in that one compares with the feelings of Deja Vu that I feel with my potentially upBPDgf.

I just finished reading the article "How a Borderline Personality Disorder Love Relationship Evolves," and I must admit it has shaken me quite a bit.

I have attempted to ignore many "unusual" behaviors, but they're becoming too much to ignore anymore. We've been together nearly 3 months now. She is in therapy and taking medication under a psychiatrists care. She has told me that she suffers from GAD, depression, and co-dependancy.

We are about to depart on our first vacation together in two days. I'm taking her on a week-long caribbean cruise. She's on her way over now, so my time here for now is limited.

I guess the bottom-line for me returning here for help is two-fold:

1) To find out if anyone who's ever left a relationship with a pwBPD have ever become enmeshed with another one?

2) I have been attempting to be as objective as possible in interpretting the actions and behaviour with my potentially upwBPDgf. Could I just be imagining most of it and/or cognitively processing it through a faulty process?

I know I have not offered much as far as specifics. For the limited time I have at the moment, I was looking at a minimum for some   to look for, maybe more than the obvious or what I'm closing my eyes to.  

Thank you all again and will update my status in the not to distant future. I am really trying to stay hopeful and optimistic.  

Instantainiously... . And yes I know it's me... . It's what I know... . Grandma, Mom, and so on... .

[bruceli]

Greetings,

First, and most importantly, my sincerest and deepest thank you for this site and everyone here for the awesome help and assistance that I have received here.

It has been just over a year since I ended a relationship with my expBPDgf and do not think I could have done it alone. The support that I have received here is truly unmeasurable.

My current dilemna is that it may very well be possible that I am, or have fallen, into a relationship with a uBPD. I was in a brief relationship after myexpBPDgf, and although it only lasted a few months, nothing I felt in that one compares with the feelings of Deja Vu that I feel with my potentially upBPDgf.

I just finished reading the article "How a Borderline Personality Disorder Love Relationship Evolves," and I must admit it has shaken me quite a bit.

I have attempted to ignore many "unusual" behaviors, but they're becoming too much to ignore anymore. We've been together nearly 3 months now. She is in therapy and taking medication under a psychiatrists care. She has told me that she suffers from GAD, depression, and co-dependancy.

We are about to depart on our first vacation together in two days. I'm taking her on a week-long caribbean cruise. She's on her way over now, so my time here for now is limited.

I guess the bottom-line for me returning here for help is two-fold:

1) To find out if anyone who's ever left a relationship with a pwBPD have ever become enmeshed with another one?

2) I have been attempting to be as objective as possible in interpretting the actions and behaviour with my potentially upwBPDgf. Could I just be imagining most of it and/or cognitively processing it through a faulty process?

I know I have not offered much as far as specifics. For the limited time I have at the moment, I was looking at a minimum for some  to look for, maybe more than the obvious or what I'm closing my eyes to. 

Thank you all again and will update my status in the not to distant future. I am really trying to stay hopeful and optimistic. 

Red flags for sure... . your gut feeling and insight serves you well... .

[waverider]

Keep in mind BPD traits are present to a minor degree in many people, but in pwBPD they are just exaggerated to the point of inbalance, and impairment.

[pallavirajsinghani]

It is amazing to me how often the BPD sufferers tell their potential partners truth about themselves.  She is telling you exactly what is happening to her:

She is in therapy and taking medication under a psychiatrists care. She has told me that she suffers from GAD, depression, and co-dependancy.

What other red flags are you looking for?

More importantly, I think that rigorous self-reflection is called for in this situation:  Why are you not considering the above as red flags?  Why won't you believe her when she is telling you clearly and unequivocally that she is not a healthy personality.

Your self-reflection may point towards what I call,  "misplaced altruism".  Your kindness and generosity of spirit will begin with acceptance of her as she is and may in time become full blown "co-dependence". 

I am not saying that you do not pursue the relationship.  What I am saying is that you should pursue this relationship with full clarity about her, about yourself and about the effect of mental disorders on nons who are unprepared with strong self-awareness and strong personal boundaries.

[waverider]

It is amazing to me how often the BPD sufferers tell their potential partners truth about themselves.  She is telling you exactly what is happening to her:

She is in therapy and taking medication under a psychiatrists care. She has told me that she suffers from GAD, depression, and co-dependancy.

What other red flags are you looking for?

More importantly, I think that rigorous self-reflection is called for in this situation:  Why are you not considering the above as red flags?  Why won't you believe her when she is telling you clearly and unequivocally that she is not a healthy personality.

Your self-reflection may point towards what I call,  "misplaced altruism".  Your kindness and generosity of spirit will begin with acceptance of her as she is and may in time become full blown "co-dependence". 

I am not saying that you do not pursue the relationship.  What I am saying is that you should pursue this relationship with full clarity about her, about yourself and about the effect of mental disorders on nons who are unprepared with strong self-awareness and strong personal boundaries.

Sometimes I think a non who has been through this before gets stuck in the rescuer mode. Thinking I am going in with knowledge up front this time so I am equipped to fix this before it gets out of hand, believing they can do better than anyone else.  Like hitting the replay button on a video game and believing they can "win" this time.