My x-H and uBPDbf

[toomanyeggshells]

My D26 will be visiting from out of state next month.  She wants to see me and her father (my x-H) while she's here.  She's only going to have a very short window so we may get together for lunch so she can see us both at once.  My x-H and I have no problem seeing each other and have always had a very good r/s. 

My live-in uBPDbf thinks otherwise, of course.  He's already started yelling about how if I am in x-H's company even for a minute, the house goes up for sale, blah, blah, blah.  Honestly, I dont care if we sell the house, its his raging and violence that worry me. 

I need some advice on what to say to uBPDbf if we all make plans for lunch.  By the way, uBPDbf would also be invited, but would definitely not want to attend.  As far as he's concerned, even though we have kids together (grown), we should never be in each other's company. 

Do I try to validate, which I'm not very good at, or use some other method to deal with this?  Thanks for any suggestions.

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[briefcase]

Maybe try to tell him you are going with SET, which has built in validation (Support, Empathy) and your boundary (Truth).  The bones of the message would be something like - I love and you and don't want you to worry.  I know its upsetting when I have to get together with x-H.  This is the only way I can see daughter and I have to go.  Of course, you're invited too.

You may want to work that up a bit, but I think you just stick to your plans here. 

You mentioned violence, do you have a safety plan?