So proud of myself!
I just went through the whole storm with total serenity
My wife (BPD characteristics) went a bit ape-shhhht on me for requiring our son (8yrs) to read 5 chapters per day of a novel over the summer because he is 1 day behind, requiring him to read 10 chapters today since he did none yesterday. She said this was abusive and unreasonable for me to make him do this. :'(
I responded that this was reasonable, that he has been doing this for over two weeks now and that our son needs to learn to be disciplined to read every day to get through novels come his start into grade three (and will be busy with boy scouts, rep hockey, and music lessons).
She said that she was putting her foot down, this was abusive (trend with her to call me abusive to her and the kids), and that she was going to tell him he did not have to read.
I responded that it was her choice to undermine my decision to support our son in his reading (my idea since the start to read a novel per week) as long as she understood the consequences for undermining my parenting choices (i.e., confusing our son, becoming divisive, choosing between parents, etc). She said it was not undermining because her choice was right and would protect him from the abuse. :'(
I went into our son's room at 7:25 or to check on him-he had read 5 chapters and needed to read 5 more. I asked him to read a chapter at medium speed and tell me when he was done. It took under five minutes. He tried another chapter, again under 5 minutes. He finished off the final three chapters in one stretch and finished in about 12 minutes. So a total of 25 minutes to power through reading-which he generally likes and does well. He was just a bit tired from a busy day at summer camp.
He proudly told Mom that he finished all his chapters.
I asked my wife if we could talk about what happened but she just ignored the question and would not make any eye contact. So I let it be.
I am working on improving the parenting relationship at the moment and doing my preparing to leave the love relationship at some point in the future. I quite pleased with using the strategies of validating and encouraging my wife to do what she likes, while clarifying the natural consequences of her actions and my actions.
