I met a new person & I'm slowly letting go

[Deleted]

I haven't been visiting this site as much as before. I met and gone out on a few dates with a girl who so far seems normal and is actually in dental school. She has a good head on her shoulders regarding many topics we speak about, she's a complete 180 from my BPDex while I am enjoying myself  and being careful looking out for any  . I'm not hyper vigiliant of course but I am taking it slow. I still find myself thinking about my ex from time to time (with a decreasing frequency) but not in a missing her type of way but a "I hope I never see her or run into her again". I guess one could still say I am working on the shock she has left me with. However, I do enjoy going on dates it feels great, it's been a while  since I've done things that have snapped me back into the old me *minus the old traits that caused ME to think my BPDex is acceptable* I feel like I have finally stretched my legs out.  I'm starting to not care or at least not over think why is my BPDex still making small talk with my family or how could I have been discarded, does she think about me, I guess I could say my journey has bifurcated and I'm started to take a path of just let it go deleted, you can't really define her actions with logic, look at yourself too for allowing such behavior and make sure it doesn't happen again. It feels strange, last time I was just really focusing ON ME, damn perhaps 3 years ago. It feels good and weird at the same time. Just felt like posting this, anyone going through the same thing?

Ps. I'm not in any way linking my happiness or my success in getting over my BPD with this new girl. I'm finally putting myself out there and shutting myself up when I say "maybe I'm not ready maybe I won't have a good relationship because of my ex". Forget that. I want to do something that makes me happy & enjoy life because it's about time I get out of this void that my past relationship has left me in.

[Moonie75]

I know I'm behind you on this road... . But I can't wait to get to the stretch of road you're enjoying now. Good on ya man.

[NiceGuy83]

Deleted, proud of you, mate!  Sounds like you're making real progress. 

One little tip - don't take things too slowly with the girl; you'll get friendzoned if you're not careful.  Healthy women want stability and kindness and respect in their men; all true.  But they also want excitement, thrills, and physical chemistry.  Be fun, and fun people will be with you. 

Hope it works out, whether with this new girl all, or not.  Good luck!

[dangoldfool]

Deleted, how long did you wait to get out dating and such. Were you in along term relationship kids involved. Are you saying the ex is still talking with some of your other family members. Why is that happening? 

I'm curious just wanting a time frame of what might work for myself. I know I'm going to take it slowly with the next GF. If a BPDx relationship won't make you take slower steps in getting involved with someone. Nothing will.

[Deleted]

Thank you all for replying! Moonie in time, whenever you feel ready you'll be on your way!

Niceguy3 thanks, of course, when I mean slow I'm talking in comparison to a BPD relationship! Which in my case was a blur due to its speed.

Dangoldfool, it's been about 14 months NC/ break up. There were no kids thank god, I'm not a father yet. She has met my family for a few hours one evening when I introduced them to her but other than that they were not close at all. She keeps in touch here and there via social platforms for reasons I do not know. For me, I've met a couple of girls after her and I've spotted some red flags right away and just cut it off. Some others I dated for a bit but due to my busy life/ fear that I wasn't over the trauma of my relationship, I just cut it off. Now I feel ready, we'll see what happens. It's all up to you and whenever you feel that it's OK to go back out. For me, 14 months   , that's how long it took me but it opened my eyes into what I want/ do not what in a relationship. Best of luck!