the difference between a BPD breakup and a non breakup

[Depression = 72% of members]

I have recently posted that I have had my first breakup in a relationship since my divorce from my BPD ex wife.  There were some similarities and it did and still does hurt.  There were some traits from my now former girlfriend to my ex wife.  It even had me wonder was my former gf a BPD also.  However in looking at it objectively I have come to the conclusion that my former gf is probably not a BPD.  I still wonder if we can work things out somewhere down the road but I am not obsessed with it like I was the marriage.  The breakup had signs of trouble we tried to work things out unlike the marriage which was a total blindside.  The cops did not have to come in which they did in the marriage.  My ex gf is not smearing my name like my ex wife did.  Most importantly I am thinking clearly about my future and my ex gf is not trying to destroy me and I am not trying to fight back.  It is a healthy break up that may or may not fix itself.  Many of us will date again it will not always work out but remember not everyone is BPD and they will not try to destroy you if it doesnt.  Somewhere this is someone for us.  We need to look for them and not give up.

[SWLSR]

I have recently posted that I have had my first breakup in a relationship since my divorce from my BPD ex wife.  There were some similarities and it did and still does hurt.  There were some traits from my now former girlfriend to my ex wife.  It even had me wonder was my former gf a BPD also.  However in looking at it objectively I have come to the conclusion that my former gf is probably not a BPD.  I still wonder if we can work things out somewhere down the road but I am not obsessed with it like I was the marriage.  The breakup had signs of trouble we tried to work things out unlike the marriage which was a total blindside.  The cops did not have to come in which they did in the marriage.  My ex gf is not smearing my name like my ex wife did.  Most importantly I am thinking clearly about my future and my ex gf is not trying to destroy me and I am not trying to fight back.  It is a healthy break up that may or may not fix itself.  Many of us will date again it will not always work out but remember not everyone is BPD and they will not try to destroy you if it doesnt.  Somewhere this is someone for us.  We need to look for them and not give up.

[Moonie75]

Yeah it's easy to forget any future break up between us & a more healthy partner won't be as damaging & as hard to come through!

I for one had certainly lost sight of this & fear of any future relationship failing would certainly be a contributing factor in my being scared to go there.

I didn't realize I needed this little 'titbit'. Thank you

[Gaslit]

I think the difference is that a pwBPD activates something from our childhood. We think we are missing "them" but it really isn't them that we miss. It is something deeper that was brought to the surface, and it is up to us to figure out what the BPD represents from our past, so we can finally get over it. They call this the "Borderline Gift." (And p.s. it may be the only gift you'll get from a borderline!  )

A normal breakup is much different. And it is worth examining that normal people break up everyday. Not everyone is compatible. And time spent on a "dead-end" could mean missing the opportunity for a real connection with someone else. And that re-visting an ex may be done because of loneliness and ease of entry. Whereas being sad for a awhile and alone, may bring you want you really want.