How did she hide their resentment so well

[cal644]

Here is a question I still struggle with. My ex told me she hadn't loved me and resented me for years. How did she hide it so well, how didn't I or anyone we knew have a clue. I guess that is just one of the things that shocked the hell out of me, just being blindsided, this was shortly before I found out about her affairs.

[mitchell16]

in my opinion it was just away of justfying what she did. Mine always jusfied her actions and codemened mine. Also a way of hurting you. Just my opinion.

[Surnia]

cal644

I hear your struggles and I would be shocked too.

Perhaps you can step a bit back: Words are sometimes black ice. I could also imagine that she painted the past black to justify the next rs.

[goldylamont]

i think this is a good question. I agree with mitchell16 that first of all she's probably just trying to justify her betrayals; and second i think she's trying to be spiteful and inflict more pain on you. my ex told me after our r/s that her biggest mistake was staying with me for years when she not only didn't love me but loathed who i was--it's all a bunch of BS. truth is she's tortured all the time and i was never the reason. and she was just really pissed at me for taking control and ending the r/s and wanted to try and hurt me in return to restore some kind of power for herself. i consider pretty much anything she says as lies now anyway, regardless of what she "thinks" she "feels"

[seeking balance]

Here is a question I still struggle with. My ex told me she hadn't loved me and resented me for years. How did she hide it so well, how didn't I or anyone we knew have a clue. I guess that is just one of the things that shocked the hell out of me, just being blindsided, this was shortly before I found out about her affairs.

Simple - she was surviving the way she knew how, it wasn't about you - it was about her survival.