See, a psych eval and a custody evaluator are two different people, right? You can't do one without the other in my state, is my understanding. The CE will go to the kids' schools, etc etc. and ask questions. The whole process will take months. I don't necessarily mind that, but there is also the small factor that we are now putting it all in the court's hands and taking it out of ours. A court can do anything. It could grant my hubby more time. I don't think it would be much more, though.
I guess I am scared of what my husband might do, but also scared to take this big step.
If I had asked for an eval in the beginning, it would be easier now. Now I have to kind of do it as an emergency order. The problem was, in the beginning, he was acting semi ok.
You're right to find out how it's done where you live - could be different from my experience or somebody else's.
Where I live, the Custody Evaluator is a professional, like a Ph.D. psychologist, appointed by the court. He does a Custody Evaluation - meets with each parent, and with each kid, and talks with other people who might have some observations. The CE can ask the parents to take an objective test, like the MMPI-2. If you think the other party might have BPD or another personality disorder, it's probably best to ask the CE to do that - or ask the court to instruct the CE to do that - because someone with a personality disorder might be able to deceive the CE, but the MMPI-2 is designed to determine if someone is "presenting falsely" - that is, lying. My wife's results showed that, and it went into the report, but the test is designed in such as way that it can allow the CE to diagnose stuff even if you tried to fool it - which is what happened with my wife - she was diagnosed with "multiple psychological disorders" even though the MMPI-2 showed she "presented falsely".
The philosophy I'm suggesting is to gather objective information, so the court can make good decisions based on data, not "he said/she said". If there are documented behaviors that line up with the MMPI-2 results - such as my wife's accusations which I was able to prove were false - then the picture is very clear.
Except... .there's one other link to this chain... .
If there are documented behaviors, and if there is a diagnosis, the key then is to show that this disorder means high risk for the kids, long-term. Even if they seem to be doing OK, spending too much time with someone who has a PD and isn't in treatment puts them at risk for substance abuse, depression, etc. So it's not just what harm has already been done, it's the harm that is likely in the future - and may not be evident for years. The idea is to make it clear to the court that giving too much custody to someone who isn't mentally healthy will make the court responsible if the kids have serious problems by the time they are adults.
