Frustration with communication

[Depression = 72% of members]

Last night we planned on going to dinner and a concert with our Pastor and his wife. We were to meet them at 5pm. UBPDh went to work in the afternoon after he had dilly dallied the morning away! He is a self employed heating technician so when it is cold he is on call. But here it is 10 til 5 and I called him to see what to do. As soon as he picks up he sounds so upset at me for calling and interrupting him. He says he will be done soon and to just wait for him. So I pace the floor knowing that our friends will be sitting at the restaurant waiting. He called me back and said to go and he will come as soon as he can. Which I did. We had our meal, I ordered a meal for him and had them box it up because it is his favorite place to go. It was time to leave for the concert so I texted him to tell him we were headed over. To call me when e gets there and I will bring his ticket out. And that I was taking some food for him. He called me right back, screaming at me that I shouldn't have bought the food. What a waste. Etc. I had to sit there and act normal. It was embarrassing. Now today, he waits til it is time to leave for church to decide to get a shower. I left without him and all I hear is I must not want to be with him, I must hate him that I don't want to go anywhere with him. I never know how to respond. If I say yes, I do he says no you don't! So I just go silent. Trying to remind myself, it will be better tomorrow. Until he finds something else to rage about! Ugh! If you stuck with this long post this far, do you have any suggestions?

[Linlu53]

Last night we planned on going to dinner and a concert with our Pastor and his wife. We were to meet them at 5pm. UBPDh went to work in the afternoon after he had dilly dallied the morning away! He is a self employed heating technician so when it is cold he is on call. But here it is 10 til 5 and I called him to see what to do. As soon as he picks up he sounds so upset at me for calling and interrupting him. He says he will be done soon and to just wait for him. So I pace the floor knowing that our friends will be sitting at the restaurant waiting. He called me back and said to go and he will come as soon as he can. Which I did. We had our meal, I ordered a meal for him and had them box it up because it is his favorite place to go. It was time to leave for the concert so I texted him to tell him we were headed over. To call me when e gets there and I will bring his ticket out. And that I was taking some food for him. He called me right back, screaming at me that I shouldn't have bought the food. What a waste. Etc. I had to sit there and act normal. It was embarrassing. Now today, he waits til it is time to leave for church to decide to get a shower. I left without him and all I hear is I must not want to be with him, I must hate him that I don't want to go anywhere with him. I never know how to respond. If I say yes, I do he says no you don't! So I just go silent. Trying to remind myself, it will be better tomorrow. Until he finds something else to rage about! Ugh! If you stuck with this long post this far, do you have any suggestions?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[izzitme]

Sorry that you have to go through this.  I find the links on this board very helpful, particularly the ones on effective communication.  I am working on breaking the cycle on my end, as wronged and victimized as I feel, and I bought the recommended book featured on the sign in page today.  Having these tools available to us helps reclaim our power and most importantly rebuild our battered self-esteem.  Good luck.