Create a Fake FB account...

[Depression = 72% of members]

  I have not been logging onto this site, because I felt I was making significant progress toward healing.  But when I slip, I really appeciate everyone's input on this site.   I still think I have come a long way.

If you remember,  I was with my uexBPDgf for 3.5 years, engaged last year, split since April, NC since July.   I have her blocked on all my accounts and phone, but y I had a weak moment and created a "fake" FB to look at her FB public page.  I knew I would be hurt by what I saw and I was right.  She is posting all the pictures of her and her new victim (she recycled me for 3 weeks in July before telling me that she was going exclusive with this guy she met on-line days before). They have been together 3 months now and going strong from what I can see on-line.  What hurts is that he is very wealthy and she has posted pictures of them traveling overseas together and visiting sites all over the world.  Right now she is in a foreign city sipping wine at a sidewalk cafe with him (pics from today).  They were even on a boat together.  It is so hard to see this, however, I know that he is just unknowingly marking time before the storm.  She looks so beautiful in the pictures and so happy, I have to remind myself what she truly is outside of that false exterior. 

Anyway, I know the real issue is within me, but I just wondered if anyone else has done such a stupid thing? (created a fake FB account to look at the ex?).  Otherwise I remain unwavering in my blocking of email, phone and FB and continue NC outside of this.

[bettermentofsociety]

  I have not been logging onto this site, because I felt I was making significant progress toward healing.  But when I slip, I really appeciate everyone's input on this site.   I still think I have come a long way.

If you remember,  I was with my uexBPDgf for 3.5 years, engaged last year, split since April, NC since July.   I have her blocked on all my accounts and phone, but y I had a weak moment and created a "fake" FB to look at her FB public page.  I knew I would be hurt by what I saw and I was right.  She is posting all the pictures of her and her new victim (she recycled me for 3 weeks in July before telling me that she was going exclusive with this guy she met on-line days before). They have been together 3 months now and going strong from what I can see on-line.  What hurts is that he is very wealthy and she has posted pictures of them traveling overseas together and visiting sites all over the world.  Right now she is in a foreign city sipping wine at a sidewalk cafe with him (pics from today).  They were even on a boat together.  It is so hard to see this, however, I know that he is just unknowingly marking time before the storm.  She looks so beautiful in the pictures and so happy, I have to remind myself what she truly is outside of that false exterior. 

Anyway, I know the real issue is within me, but I just wondered if anyone else has done such a stupid thing? (created a fake FB account to look at the ex?).  Otherwise I remain unwavering in my blocking of email, phone and FB and continue NC outside of this.

[redbaron5]

With mine for 3 years, engaged... .

My situation is worse, I have access to her facebook, I know her password, we have been Done since June and NC since july (She really put a hanus moral crime on me so NC was required by me to have any dignity.)  So imagine how hard is is not not log on her facebook and check what she is doing, or check her activity log, ect ect... .) Last time I checked was about 3 days ago. I see pictures of her out paryting and smiling, without a care in the world as if she was done nothing wrong, it just reminds me how sick she is. Nobody could do what she did to me and move on so quickly without being seriously mentally ill. Anyway you know its just a matter of time before we stop letting them rent space in our heads.  Stay strong brother, you are NOT alone.

[fromheeltoheal]

Anyway, I know the real issue is within me, but I just wondered if anyone else has done such a stupid thing? (created a fake FB account to look at the ex?).  Otherwise I remain unwavering in my blocking of email, phone and FB and continue NC outside of this.

That's ruminating and we've all done it.  Don't beat yourself up, but look at why you did it.  I've done it because I was having a bad day, and looking backwards felt attractive for a minute.  Of course that was selective memory since backwards was hell.  The key for me is to focus forward to the stellar life I'm creating for myself, extra important on down days.  There are resources on this site for ruminating too.  Take care of you.

[fiddlestix]

Better... .that sounds painful.  I woulweeks hate to see my ex with her new man.  He is actually one of dozens she has "hooked up" with throughout our marriage.  But it would still hurt to see her posting pics on fb.  I stay off fb.  I avoid her like the plague.  

Like you, my ex recycled me for a few weeks last summer.  But she tossed me aside for her current fling, whom she met in a bar.  No sir; I do not want to see her on fb.  

Better, your ex is currently thriving on the many creature comforts her new man is able to afford. Perhaps he will soon cough, or laugh, or chew, in a way that annoys her.  And his devaluation will begin.  It is a crazy carnival ride that you have exited. One day you will feel joy and peace in your heart.  And the doings of your ex will not matter to you.  

Fiddle

[BlushAndBashful]

When I first joined this site 2 years ago, I read how people went NC and refused to look at FB, etc. I thought that was really harsh. Since then, the wisdom has not been lost on me.

For the first 6-9 months, I did try to check on what he was doing, but there are two outcomes. 1) You find out absolutely nothing, zilch, nada. Or 2) What you find drives a stake through your heart and sends you back to a very dark place and sets you weeks or months back in your healing.

This goes beyond the usual "it's none of my business" (which, truthfully, it isn't). This is about protecting yourself. It's not my business, nor do I even want to know who he's dating, where he's traveling to, what he's buying, which restaurants he's reviewing, which new collectible he is interested in, whose wedding he's going to, etc.

It took a while.   I had to get past 3 great trips that he had promised to take me on, and 3 different weddings that I "shoulda been" his date for, before it finally sunk in that I was driving myself absolutely crazy. (And, in hindsight- who am I fooling? Even if we were dating or married, he would have weaseled out of all those special occasions like he did for the 10 years before.) Now, he is blocked on every possible avenue. The sites that aren't blockable, I make the conscious effort to never search for him. Ever. It's done me a world of good.

[Ironmanrises]

When I first joined this site 2 years ago, I read how people went NC and refused to look at FB, etc. I thought that was really harsh. Since then, the wisdom has not been lost on me.

For the first 6-9 months, I did try to check on what he was doing, but there are two outcomes. 1) You find out absolutely nothing, zilch, nada. Or 2) What you find drives a stake through your heart and sends you back to a very dark place and sets you weeks or months back in your healing.

This goes beyond the usual "it's none of my business" (which, truthfully, it isn't). This is about protecting yourself. It's not my business, nor do I even want to know who he's dating, where he's traveling to, what he's buying, which restaurants he's reviewing, which new collectible he is interested in, whose wedding he's going to, etc.

It took a while.   I had to get past 3 great trips that he had promised to take me on, and 3 different weddings that I "shoulda been" his date for, before it finally sunk in that I was driving myself absolutely crazy. (And, in hindsight- who am I fooling? Even if we were dating or married, he would have weaseled out of all those special occasions like he did for the 10 years before.) Now, he is blocked on every possible avenue. The sites that aren't blockable, I make the conscious effort to never search for him. Ever. It's done me a world of good.

In bold/italics.

Bingo. 

I permanently closed my facebook/instagram... .

Since my exUBPDgf... .

Left me for the second time.

Not all of you can do this... .

I get that.

But for those of you who can... .

Perhaps a temporary shutdown... .

Will aid in your healing.

It has helped me... .

In my healing... .

I dont see anything that she is doing... .

And what not... .

And vice versa.

Constant exposure... .

To them... .

Will... .

Only hurt you... .

Fellow nons.

[Escaped 30.Sept.2013]

I did create a fake FB-account in the early weeks, but got a friend to change the password on it so that I can no longer access it.

I have a personal FB-account, on which my ex-bf and his new gf are both blocked, but on a second non-personal account I can see his gf's comments on a third person's public Wall, and I've just blocked her on that one as well this morning, because after being awake half the night fretting over my perception of her as perfect (therefore me as inadequate), I looked and she's commenting about how much she's looking forward to coming to England. Well, she only has one contact in England, all the others are in her own country, so that means they are planning for her to visit him.

At least he moved flat so it won't be in the same bedroom I was in.

But it hurts.

Not least because in 15 months, we had 3 nights and a lunch, all of which I travelled 500 miles for - whereas in 3-4 months, he's travelled twice to hers, for 9 nights, and now she's excited about visiting him. Which leaves me feeling sick.

It's hard to tell myself she means nothing more to him than I did, when he's spending so much time with her.

Although, when we were together he had serious financial issues that were resolved in the summer so he has the cash to fly to hers, plus he was living with family so I couldn't easily stay at his, whereas now he has his own place.

But it hurts.

So, back to staying on my own FB-Wall, with my small number of FB-friends, all of whom I actually know in real life.

And stop spying because it only hurts.

[Aussie0zborn]

FB is not your friend when you're healing. Everyone uses Facebook to show what a wonderful life they have and this is the perfect tool for a pwBPD to add salt to your wound. Don't let them. Keep away.

[Waddams]

Anyway, I know the real issue is within me, but I just wondered if anyone else has done such a stupid thing? (created a fake FB account to look at the ex?).  Otherwise I remain unwavering in my blocking of email, phone and FB and continue NC outside of this.

I kept tabs on her for a while, but that was really more for safety.  She made all kinds of threats when we broke up and I wanted to keep tabs on how close she was.  When she moved out of state, I stopped.

As for her new wealthy man, you know as well as anyone that she doesn't really like him, she likes what he gives her.  There's a big distinction.  And it was the same way with you, she liked what you gave her more than you yourself. 

As for how to resist the urge to snope on our BPD ex's - for me it really came down to focusing on my future and not my past.  I can't change anything, so why not put that anxious energy about the past into building a better future?

[nowwhatz]

i have a fake fb account which is really a band account for a band i am in... .so not really fake  i use it occasionally to keep tabs.

sadly my keeping tabs is to just verify she is still alive as she has often threatened suicide... .which will never happen.  she is the ultimate survivor.

 i dont recommend it.