Roughest Day Ever

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Today has been the roughest day ever. My   feels like it is so incredibly broken.

Harder than her telling me she wants nothing to do with me as in the past (she has even thretened a restraining order) this change of telling me she wants to be friends sounds worse! She seems fine and complacent.

She is ready to move on and wants me to be happy she says. Then she leaves my house after dumping me (moments after) and hangs out with friends. She actually asked me to go with and she would drive! I passed.

Who does this?  I am so used to the push pull and I think I am addicted to it. There is nothing now. I told her I do not want to be friends and blocked her on FB. She says its sad and it sucks but she wants to move on and hopes I find someone better, that I should call her because she loves me and wants to be friends and thinks we were brought together to be best friends.

I am so very hurt. This time it has killed me inside. It's over and I am so devastated.

[Pretty Woman]

Today has been the roughest day ever. My   feels like it is so incredibly broken.

Harder than her telling me she wants nothing to do with me as in the past (she has even thretened a restraining order) this change of telling me she wants to be friends sounds worse! She seems fine and complacent.

She is ready to move on and wants me to be happy she says. Then she leaves my house after dumping me (moments after) and hangs out with friends. She actually asked me to go with and she would drive! I passed.

Who does this?  I am so used to the push pull and I think I am addicted to it. There is nothing now. I told her I do not want to be friends and blocked her on FB. She says its sad and it sucks but she wants to move on and hopes I find someone better, that I should call her because she loves me and wants to be friends and thinks we were brought together to be best friends.

I am so very hurt. This time it has killed me inside. It's over and I am so devastated.

[bruisedbattered]

Hang in there, im day 7 NC.  It slowly get better, and you will be stronger for it. go NC!

[EdR]

Today has been the roughest day ever. My   feels like it is so incredibly broken.

Harder than her telling me she wants nothing to do with me as in the past (she has even thretened a restraining order) this change of telling me she wants to be friends sounds worse! She seems fine and complacent.

She is ready to move on and wants me to be happy she says. Then she leaves my house after dumping me (moments after) and hangs out with friends. She actually asked me to go with and she would drive! I passed.

Who does this?  I am so used to the push pull and I think I am addicted to it. There is nothing now. I told her I do not want to be friends and blocked her on FB. She says its sad and it sucks but she wants to move on and hopes I find someone better, that I should call her because she loves me and wants to be friends and thinks we were brought together to be best friends.

I am so very hurt. This time it has killed me inside. It's over and I am so devastated.

It sounds so... .balanced. I don't understand really. I know the push-pull mechanic, I also have experienced 'mask wearing' (= saying nice things, which will reel you back in), but never this balanced. I'm confused.

[Pretty Woman]

I know. It is completely uncharacteristic of her. Everything else has been anger and splitting.

This was rational but she cried. Very calming and said she couldn't stand to lose me as a friend. That my friendship was irreplaceable. Well guess what? I apparantly am irreplaceable.

Lots of sadness.

[EdR]

I feel for you... .it really must be extremely hard. I know it would kill me.

[peterparker]

It's alright to be confused. Looking from the outside in, may of the things they say and do don't make any sense at all. For some reason it makes sense to them, but to us, we're left just utterly bewildered by the behavior, almost to the point of feeling crazy ourselves.

I'm 3 weeks NC. I got a text a few days ago asking how I was, like nothing had happened.

Her actions were so disrespectful that I don't really want anything to do with her, yet she's talking to me like everything's as it was. This is the disorder, the inability to face tough emotions like, loss, regret, guilt and shame.

I'd recommend reading as much as you can and trying to understand that is isn't personal. It's not about you. The dots that you and I can connect in our heads and hearts, and the decisions that we can make to help others understand and make things right, a pwBPD simply doesn't have the ability to do these things. Once I became comfortable with this idea, it got so much easier.

With that being said, it's so incredibly hard not to take it personally, because it hurts. When my ex wanted to be friends (she said such grounded and rational things, just like yours did), it was like she was pretending that she never did anything to hurt me, and that I should just pretend with her, but I can't do that. When people hurt me, I expect a dialogue and an effort on their part to make amends, but I got nothing.

Take your time, get angry if you need to. Everyone here said NC, and I resisted. The more time you have to work on yourself without anyone confusing you, the more you see their behavior from a healthy and clear perspective. Distance brings clarity and helps you see the difference between how they have treated us and how our friends and family treat us. Once this is apparent, the decision to maintain NC becomes so much easier.

We've got your back, and it will get easier. Hang in there.