1 Year on

[trevjim]

So here I am one year out.

quick recap: after 2.5 turbulent years I left my fiancée, I wanted to still see her little boy as I had accepted him as my own but she refused. She got with her current boyfriend who was an ex before me, the day after we split. was minimal contact first couple of months, no contact for about 9? now.

How is she doing? Well as far as I know (we have mutual friends) she is still with the same guy and is about to give birth.

How am I doing? I would say im as over her as I feel im ever going to be. I still have the occasional dream or memory. She still holds a place in my heart and i have learnt to accept that and to stop fighting it, I believe she probably always will and I am learning to live with that.

I still miss the little boy dearly, im my mind I tell myself, he wasn't and isnt mine, and I did all I could to still be in his life etc, my heart still misses him.

I can now look back on the relationship and see what was wrong with it without love and lust clouding my judgement. the fact that she got pregnant 3 months into her current relationship tells me alot about her mental state. I believe she is looking for that fairytale relationship as alot of PWBPD crave and feels the baby will maybe bring that for her. but I try not too think too much about her 

feel free to ask my any questions about my year if you feel you are in a situation I once was.

also was wondering if anyone 1 year plus could tell me about how they are getting on?

ps. my love life is non existant currently  :'(

[heartandwhole]

trevjim,

I can really understand you missing your ex's son, it's hard to be separated from a child you built a relationship with.  You sound like you are doing well, though, and I'm happy for you.

A year out I was feeling much better, too.  Now it's about 1.5 years and surprisingly, I feel even better than I have in several years, even before meeting pwBPD.  So, who knows how far the healing goes?  I would never have guessed that I'd come out of this feeling more joyful and whole than before I went in.    I guess that's the gift of the borderline.

What has been the most helpful for you getting to this point?

heart

[HarmKrakow]

So here I am one year out.

quick recap: after 2.5 turbulent years I left my fiancée, I wanted to still see her little boy as I had accepted him as my own but she refused. She got with her current boyfriend who was an ex before me, the day after we split. was minimal contact first couple of months, no contact for about 9? now.

How is she doing? Well as far as I know (we have mutual friends) she is still with the same guy and is about to give birth.

How am I doing? I would say im as over her as I feel im ever going to be. I still have the occasional dream or memory. She still holds a place in my heart and i have learnt to accept that and to stop fighting it, I believe she probably always will and I am learning to live with that.

I still miss the little boy dearly, im my mind I tell myself, he wasn't and isnt mine, and I did all I could to still be in his life etc, my heart still misses him.

I can now look back on the relationship and see what was wrong with it without love and lust clouding my judgement. the fact that she got pregnant 3 months into her current relationship tells me alot about her mental state. I believe she is looking for that fairytale relationship as alot of PWBPD crave and feels the baby will maybe bring that for her. but I try not too think too much about her 

feel free to ask my any questions about my year if you feel you are in a situation I once was.

also was wondering if anyone 1 year plus could tell me about how they are getting on?

ps. my love life is non existant currently  :'(

Mate, I remember you plus that avatar of you very vividly. I remember the days here when I was making +20 posts a day when the hit hits the fan deeply. That was roughly a year ago starting with all this crap

What has been your biggest struggle?

Lack of sex? Love? Intimacy?

Did you get any contact attempt of your ex?

Many lonely crying nights?

[trevjim]

trevjim,

I can really understand you missing your ex's son, it's hard to be separated from a child you built a relationship with.  You sound like you are doing well, though, and I'm happy for you.

A year out I was feeling much better, too.  Now it's about 1.5 years and surprisingly, I feel even better than I have in several years, even before meeting pwBPD.  So, who knows how far the healing goes?  I would never have guessed that I'd come out of this feeling more joyful and whole than before I went in.    I guess that's the gift of the borderline.

What has been the most helpful for you getting to this point?


heart

Most helpful? Time!  I guess just doing to things I couldnt do before, such as seeing my friends when I want too and things like that, also the egg shells on the floor seem to off gone 

[trevjim]

So here I am one year out.

quick recap: after 2.5 turbulent years I left my fiancée, I wanted to still see her little boy as I had accepted him as my own but she refused. She got with her current boyfriend who was an ex before me, the day after we split. was minimal contact first couple of months, no contact for about 9? now.

How is she doing? Well as far as I know (we have mutual friends) she is still with the same guy and is about to give birth.

How am I doing? I would say im as over her as I feel im ever going to be. I still have the occasional dream or memory. She still holds a place in my heart and i have learnt to accept that and to stop fighting it, I believe she probably always will and I am learning to live with that.

I still miss the little boy dearly, im my mind I tell myself, he wasn't and isnt mine, and I did all I could to still be in his life etc, my heart still misses him.

I can now look back on the relationship and see what was wrong with it without love and lust clouding my judgement. the fact that she got pregnant 3 months into her current relationship tells me alot about her mental state. I believe she is looking for that fairytale relationship as alot of PWBPD crave and feels the baby will maybe bring that for her. but I try not too think too much about her 

feel free to ask my any questions about my year if you feel you are in a situation I once was.

also was wondering if anyone 1 year plus could tell me about how they are getting on?

ps. my love life is non existant currently  :'(

Mate, I remember you plus that avatar of you very vividly. I remember the days here when I was making +20 posts a day when the  hits the fan deeply. That was roughly a year ago starting with all this crap

What has been your biggest struggle?

Lack of sex? Love? Intimacy?

Did you get any contact attempt of your ex?

Many lonely crying nights?

I know I just looked at some old posts to see how far I have come... .wow I was a mess!

biggest struggle?

lack of sex has always been a struggle of mine haha,

seriously though, the intimacy, She also had an amazing way of making you feel so wanted, I guess I miss that. but I understand now it wasn't real in the way i perceived it.

No i have had no contact attempts, I do wonder if things do break down a recycle attempt may come my way. 11 month ago I would of run back to her, 7 months I would of ummed and aarrrred over it. now I feel I will show her where the door is!

[GreenMango]

Hey there!

Baby after 3 months ... .Well you said best.

I'm two years out.  It is way better.  It gets better too because what you wrote here:

11 month ago I would of run back to her, 7 months I would of ummed and aarrrred over it. now I feel I will show her where the door is!

Knowing that you don't want another serving.  Feeling real comfortable with saying No.

As far as dating a year out I tried... .nice guy we are friendly still (just frendly).  I was still cleaning up the functional mess left over from the chaos.  Moving, bills, damaged friends and family relationships etc.  Cleaning all that up was more important to me and the idea of picking poorly again was a pretty good deterant...   That and friends and family.  A year was too early but there was a lot of problems that grew out if the demise of the relationship-Financial, work, family, friends,

Two years out way better for me - I'm a slow mover tho.  You'll find your stride.

[lipstick]

Hi Trevjim,

Congrats on the one year out!  I am a little over a year out - by about three weeks ! LOL!   I'm feeling MUCH better that I was just a couple of months ago. My ex has been doing stuff on FB to try and get my attention since around July - including now "Following" me!  It would have caused me to break No Contact a few months ago. Now I just ignore and hope that he doesn't get up the courage to escalate!

Big kudos to you for reaching the one year mark ! 

[Calm Waters]

i am nine months out of the relationship and a year since my BPD ex GF attempted and nearly succeeded in a suicide attempt. Now the anniversary of that chaos that neraly destroyed me is just over I am feeling better, still think of her often but not with any where near as much longing. I try not to imagine how or who she is with now and what is going on in her life without me.She live in the next town 7 miles away so avoid going there, I look out for her car however, and we have one mutual friend who I now avoid. I dont want to see or hear anything about her now, when she did that to me 9 months ago it was excrutiating, partly because I imagined I could save her from herself, suicide or destroying any more men's lives, call me a narcissist. I She will always be in my heart we had a fantastic few months before it went wrong, and we had known eachother for 20 years before that, its sad but I have had to accept true that she will probably never change and that I was just another notch on her bedpost. Howevr she did nearly die, that still and always will haunt me.