If I'm glad that it's over, why do we keep getting back together in my dreams?

[MiddleEastMike]

After three years of hell with an uBPDex, I divorced her this year. I feel that I did my best to preserve the relationship but my ex made my life so miserable that I had no choice but to end it. I have no regrets and I do not wish that I had done otherwise, except perhaps I wish that I had divorced her much earlier. The strange thing is, I keep having dreams in which we get back together and everything is terrific. Why? 

[Rose Tiger]

I do, too, MEM.  I think the trauma of it takes a while to work it's way out of our psyche.  Also, the temperment of the relationship was off/on/off/on so it might never 'feel' permanently off.  Of course I wake up, shudder and think NO.WAY.  But some part of me is so sad that there was no chance, that it couldn't of worked out somehow with the nice side staying and the mean side going away forever.

[livednlearned]

My therapist would probably say that the two halves that you and your ex represent in your psyche are whole now, or something like that. 

That maybe you sought out your ex because she fulfilled something you didn't feel you had, and now that you've been through this hell, you can see that you had that side all along.

Dream analysis by Internet. Ta dah!

[MiddleEastMike]

I guess I was wondering if anyone else had experienced such dreams, too. Maybe only me and Rose Tiger?

[Lao Tzu]

     Actually, these dreams are extremely common.  If you do a subject search on the engine in this site you will find a number of threads speaking of this.  I've had them too and they're really fantastic during the dream and really horrible when you wake up, aren't they? Here's some armchair analysis:

     Your subconscious wants the r/s and doesn't have access to the language center of the brain, so it 'tells' you what it thinks would make you feel happy, (regardless of the consequences).  It takes a long time to convince that uncommunicative but very powerful part of you that the r/s is a really bad idea, and you might expect dreams from time to time until that happens.  I wish it were something more poetic, like a vision of the future as the Greeks and Romans once thought, but its just another example of the internal war being fought in all of us between the conscious and subconscious. 

     It's OK, though.  Those dreams are finally gone for me and have been replaced with much happier ones reflecting a much more integrated personality and yours will be too. The cool thing is that when you wake up from a 'normal' one you are even happier thinking about it during the day. You just need to heal some more -- and you will.

LT

[Want2know]

I guess I was wondering if anyone else had experienced such dreams, too. Maybe only me and Rose Tiger?

I have had dreams where we are back together, but my ex always does something that reminds me of why I broke up with him, like he will start flirting with another woman or treat me disrespectfully.  I wake up thankful that I'm not still with him.

I would imagine it might be disconcerting to have a dream that all is well.  It sounds like you are solid in your action to break up with her, so that's good.  How do you feel when you awake from these dreams?