Is it harder when there's no cheating?

[santa]

I feel like this would be easier to deal with if there were someone else I could point a finger at. My relationship was pretty toxic, but there was never any cheating on either side. Even when she left and took our kid, she just went to her dad's house. I know nothing is going on there. It's frustrating. She literally just didn't want anymore of our relationship. I think there's actually become some triangulation where it's her and her dad vs. me and my mom. It's really bizarre.

She said the reason why we fought so much is that we were obsessed with each other. Maybe there's some truth to that. It's like if you spend all of your time with someone for years, you just find stuff to pick at each other about. I think the BPD makes her crave chaos, so I think she's doing all this just to drive me crazy. It literally makes no sense whatsoever.

[Turkish]

I feel like this would be easier to deal with if there were someone else I could point a finger at. My relationship was pretty toxic, but there was never any cheating on either side. Even when she left and took our kid, she just went to her dad's house. I know nothing is going on there. It's frustrating. She literally just didn't want anymore of our relationship. I think there's actually become some triangulation where it's her and her dad vs. me and my mom. It's really bizarre.

She said the reason why we fought so much is that we were obsessed with each other. Maybe there's some truth to that. It's like if you spend all of your time with someone for years, you just find stuff to pick at each other about. I think the BPD makes her crave chaos, so I think she's doing all this just to drive me crazy. It literally makes no sense whatsoever.

I don't know, santa, it seems to be either/or. it certainly seems hard for you to try and be an adult when your BPD is playing the game like a child.

Betrayal is a hard thing. There's a reason the 9th circle of hell is reserved for traitors (very un-Christian of me to say... .I'm having a bad day, I think I'm going home from work early now... .P^|

[santa]

I feel like this would be easier to deal with if there were someone else I could point a finger at. My relationship was pretty toxic, but there was never any cheating on either side. Even when she left and took our kid, she just went to her dad's house. I know nothing is going on there. It's frustrating. She literally just didn't want anymore of our relationship. I think there's actually become some triangulation where it's her and her dad vs. me and my mom. It's really bizarre.

She said the reason why we fought so much is that we were obsessed with each other. Maybe there's some truth to that. It's like if you spend all of your time with someone for years, you just find stuff to pick at each other about. I think the BPD makes her crave chaos, so I think she's doing all this just to drive me crazy. It literally makes no sense whatsoever.

I don't know, santa, it seems to be either/or. it certainly seems hard for you to try and be an adult when your BPD is playing the game like a child.

Betrayal is a hard thing. There's a reason the 9th circle of hell is reserved for traitors (very un-Christian of me to say... .I'm having a bad day, I think I'm going home from work early now... .P^|

If there were some criteria to get into Hell, this last little stunt she's pulled would probably be enough to satisfy it.

[BorderlineMagnet]

From experience I'd say its hard as hell when there's cheating. Especially when your replacement is so much lesser than yourself, you wonder what the hell your ex was thinking. The idealization that you were so amazing and great, only to find out she's with another guy behind your back is extremely painful. Only after learning more about BPD did the pain lessen a little, and I was able to understand that no matter how good I was to her (which may have been her trigger in the first place) that the same result would have happened. Also seeing her say the same things about him she did about me showed me that I was just another number, and so is he. My first BPDexgf I had no proof of cheating, but her drug abuse and crazy behavior almost made it easier to get away from her. Time to get off th ride. But with my second BPDexgf everything was so perfect and great that the cheating cut me like a knife.

[santa]

From experience I'd say its hard as hell when there's cheating. Especially when your replacement is so much lesser than yourself, you wonder what the hell your ex was thinking. The idealization that you were so amazing and great, only to find out she's with another guy behind your back is extremely painful. Only after learning more about BPD did the pain lessen a little, and I was able to understand that no matter how good I was to her (which may have been her trigger in the first place) that the same result would have happened. Also seeing her say the same things about him she did about me showed me that I was just another number, and so is he. My first BPDexgf I had no proof of cheating, but her drug abuse and crazy behavior almost made it easier to get away from her. Time to get off th ride. But with my second BPDexgf everything was so perfect and great that the cheating cut me like a knife.

I'm sure mine will find some dude eventually and I'll have plenty of problems with him. I'll probably use the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure" at some point. Either way, it will be very hard. I'll be really upset about it, even though this guy will have met her long after we'd been over and in no way had any effect on the way things turned out. I'll still hate him though. She's playing that same card though talking about how devastated she'll be when I am with someone else.

[Turkish]

From experience I'd say its hard as hell when there's cheating. Especially when your replacement is so much lesser than yourself, you wonder what the hell your ex was thinking. The idealization that you were so amazing and great, only to find out she's with another guy behind your back is extremely painful.

My r/s was a downhill slide after our D1 (second child) was born. My replacement is a 23 year old college kid (I'm in my early 40s). I was WAY ahead of him at even his age.

My X all but admitted to me that she couldn't handle "this" (a mature r/s). Obviously. I think that's true, and a good way to look at it. It's frustrating, though, when they put out to the world that they can.

Sorry for the thread hijack, santa... .maybe I should get you something for Christmas this time!

[Turkish]

From experience I'd say its hard as hell when there's cheating. Especially when your replacement is so much lesser than yourself, you wonder what the hell your ex was thinking. The idealization that you were so amazing and great, only to find out she's with another guy behind your back is extremely painful. Only after learning more about BPD did the pain lessen a little, and I was able to understand that no matter how good I was to her (which may have been her trigger in the first place) that the same result would have happened. Also seeing her say the same things about him she did about me showed me that I was just another number, and so is he. My first BPDexgf I had no proof of cheating, but her drug abuse and crazy behavior almost made it easier to get away from her. Time to get off th ride. But with my second BPDexgf everything was so perfect and great that the cheating cut me like a knife.

I'm sure mine will find some dude eventually and I'll have plenty of problems with him. I'll probably use the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure" at some point. Either way, it will be very hard. I'll be really upset about it, even though this guy will have met her long after we'd been over and in no way had any effect on the way things turned out. I'll still hate him though. She's playing that same card though talking about how devastated she'll be when I am with someone else.

What a load to say that. She might be, but it's her choice, no? More like the choice of the disorder, which is only one choice (abandon, or drive the partner or loved one to abandon). I'm waiting for mine to pull the patronizing, "you deserve someone good and better!" which she used to all but say now and then during our r/s. My response should probably be, "hell yeah! But so does everybody!"

[Naddred369]

Santa.

Really like your posts. You are hillarious.Brutal posts. But this BPDIs brutal. Good luck to us Allhit BPD!

[Changingman]

Betrayal trauma

Lord will I trust again, will I be whole ever.

This is a direct physical attack on you.

So sickening, scarring for life

Might get a tattoo for first time, to cover the scar left from this.

Any suggestions

[Turkish]

Betrayal trauma

Lord will I trust again, will I be whole ever.

This is a direct physical attack on you.

So sickening, scarring for life

Might get a tattoo for first time, to cover the scar left from this.

Any suggestions

Satan chewing on the souls of traitors trapped in the ice in the 9th  circle of hell?

seriously... .  if I  did,  it might be something like my avatar... .  better than the tramp stamp my x  has.  She was kind of upset when I  pointed out what it was called.  all these years later and no one told her that term, .  she's not trampish,  though... .  until recently.

[Ironmanrises]

I dont know if my exUBPDgf cheated on me in both rounds, or if i was replaced/overlapped, etc. i do know that during friendship, in round 1, and round 2, there were always those orbiters, a la guy "friends" of hers that were sniffing around at the periphery of our friendship(c*ckblockers in modern slang) and those same guy friends plus new ones, were always lurking on the very same periphery in both rounds, especially round 2. My exUBPDgf is an incredibly attractive, sexual, dark skin latina woman and never told these guy "friends" to back off, she loved the attention. Whether that developed into cheating, etc i do not know, but it kept me so f¥cking insecure and on edge because they were always there and she would not do anything to lessen that. You ask if its harder, in my case, possibly and yet again possibly not. Why the dual answer? Do i really want to know if she did? She hurt me badly enough without any direct evidence of that. If she did and somehow i found out, a set back would be an understatement. I just know the uneasy feeling i got, especially in round 2, at the end; was far worse then in round 1. It sickens me to contemplate this. Beyond words.

[Changingman]

Guy on this site got stabbed, do you think it is easier for him. Betrayal wounds us in very deep places. Will be a scar for life unseen but real. I won't let the sadist that she was harm me the rest of my life. But easier wow dude.

I know you are hurting but that just sounds masocistic. They attack us on many levels and enjoy it, feel lucky you are out. You are

Sex is a force of nature and demons stalk it's midnight realm.

Good luck healing