BPD/Nxh engaged to GF 21 years his junior

[Forward2free]

BPD/Nxh engaged to GF 21 years his junior. Honestly, I don't know how I feel about it.

I do not love BPD/Nxh anymore, nor do I harbour any desire to ever reconcile with him.

We haven't been 'happily' together since 2008 and divorced for almost 4 years, but I'm confused about feeling funny about hearing that he's engaged.

He asked D8 and S6 yesterday if it would be ok to marry GF and if they liked her. They said yes to both. I think she is a lovely girl (23 years old), terribly young and naive and innocent and I fear she is signing up to a tragic end. She reminds me of myself at the start of my journey - I was so in love and I felt so lucky... .

I am glad she's a part of my kids lives, and glad she is supportive of them and that she seems to care for them and while she is around, I feel the kids will be safe. As far as a stepmother, she'll do well I think, as a wife to BPD/Nxh, only time will tell, she is a baby herself. I wonder what her parents think?

Her parents got the kids gifts for Christmas so I knew something was afoot.

I am worried about the future. This will be the third marriage for BPD/Nxh and things started out great for me too, his second marriage. He told me the gory stories about wife number 1 and I could see why they divorced. Now I know it was 99% lies of course.

As life got busy after marriage and I got pregnant and I wasn't able to keep BPD/Nxh at the centre of my attention and be ever available and adoring, he got mean and started his affairs.

I would love to think he has changed and it might work for them. I do not think he has. I do not see this ending well.

I don't hate him. I just want my kids to be safe and for some normality to prevail. I wish there was a way to cushion the kids for what I fear is inevitable.

I worry for the future children he might have and the future siblings for my kids. I worry about them wanting to spend more time with the future new baby. I worry about fall out with pressure of future new baby. I see a glimmer of hope that he can't possibly keep taking me back to court if he has future children and new future custody battles ahead.

What has worked for others?

[Forward2free]

Even though I know he is/was incapable of speaking the truth, I have a conversation going around in my head... .

He told me (when he was having the third known affair and trying to recycle) that even if we divorced, he would never, ever, marry again. That what we had couldn't be matched and being married twice was enough. He'd rather die single and alone.

Is this what's bothering me? I feel replaced subconsciously?

Consciously, I wouldn't trade a single second of my peaceful life now to repeat the greatest moment we had with him.

At the time I thought his conversation was to push me to say that I wouldn't remarry either.

He told me yesterday that he and new GF wanted me to be happy and to be with someone that loved me and was a good guy.

So totally awkward.

I'm left bewildered and finding it tough to know why this matters.