Is the Detaching Board CoDependant? Time to Look at Myself (again)

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I was recently retriggered by glimpsing the ex driving through town. Thank god she maintained NC.

But it took me back. I posted several times on this board and got some good feedback. I was back into vistim mode: how could she have done all those terrible things to me. I made a list of them.

And then I played pyschologist. Listed her disorders: B, N, AS PD's, ADHD/ADD etc etc.

Yep ... . I was back to taking her inventory. I was reading others posts of the horrible beahviors and hurts. But what did that accomplish?

Well ... . I knew I wasn't alone! But was I healing? No! I was rolling around in the mud - codependant mud. It reminded me of a bad AlAnon meeting where all the focus was on the Alcoholic.

Early in my recovery I read that a certain amount of this is normal and healthy but staying in it isn't. It is easy to complain about them - it even feels good (like a drug). "Let go or get dragged"!

So ... . the mud rolling stops today. Going back to taking MY inventory.

What got me into this r/s and what kept me there? Time to focus on ME - get back into CoDA and ACoA.

I love all you on the Detaching board but I need to move on back to working on my own stuff. That is where my healing and growth are. In fact I can be grateful to the BPD r/s for taking me to this newstage in my evolution. Thank you dear ex ... . I hope you get well but today I am inversting in myself. I am worth it.

Any thoughts on this?

Noli

[nolisan]

I was recently retriggered by glimpsing the ex driving through town. Thank god she maintained NC.

But it took me back. I posted several times on this board and got some good feedback. I was back into vistim mode: how could she have done all those terrible things to me. I made a list of them.

And then I played pyschologist. Listed her disorders: B, N, AS PD's, ADHD/ADD etc etc.

Yep ... . I was back to taking her inventory. I was reading others posts of the horrible beahviors and hurts. But what did that accomplish?

Well ... . I knew I wasn't alone! But was I healing? No! I was rolling around in the mud - codependant mud. It reminded me of a bad AlAnon meeting where all the focus was on the Alcoholic.

Early in my recovery I read that a certain amount of this is normal and healthy but staying in it isn't. It is easy to complain about them - it even feels good (like a drug). "Let go or get dragged"!

So ... . the mud rolling stops today. Going back to taking MY inventory.

What got me into this r/s and what kept me there? Time to focus on ME - get back into CoDA and ACoA.

I love all you on the Detaching board but I need to move on back to working on my own stuff. That is where my healing and growth are. In fact I can be grateful to the BPD r/s for taking me to this newstage in my evolution. Thank you dear ex ... . I hope you get well but today I am inversting in myself. I am worth it.

Any thoughts on this?

Noli

[heartandwhole]

Any thoughts on this?

You bet     Great realizations, nolisan.  Intitially, it is so important to know that we aren't alone, that we weren't going crazy – so we share our experiences and focus on what happened. 

Ultimately, the healing process ends up where everything ends up– with us.  Through heartbreak, we grow and change.  I think this is a great sign of your growth, nolisan!

What stage of detachment (links on the right) do you think you're in? ––––>

heart

[Ironmanrises]

The detaching board isnt codependent. And it certainly isnt rolling around in the mud. I can understand your perspective on that if the person is not healing at all, but to clump it as the above described words is a bit offensive.

[nolisan]

No offense meant IM just my POV today.