NC life day bye day

[nowwhatz]

Day 1. 

Woke up sad and angry... . was able to go back to sleep and felt a bit better.  Got nothing accomplished at my house... . it is a mess.

Got invited to help make a spaghetti dinner for 30 people by a chick friend. I got out and spent the day with the friend cooking, serving the food to a youth church group then watched cartoons of all things until a little while ago with friend.

Still feel out of sorts and am trying not to obsess.  I left exBPDgf access to my netflix account. I made a profile for her so she can watch what she wants to and not fill my profile up with her preferences, but she continues to use my profile. I checked my netflix account activity... . since yesterday she has watched 14 episodes of Dexter.  that's all for now.

[Surnia]

Good idea with helping out for the spaghetti dinner! 

Its important to keep yourself busy.

What about a bit walking or exercising?

Hang in there, nowwhatz!

[nowwhatz]

Good idea with helping out for the spaghetti dinner! 

Its important to keep yourself busy.

What about a bit walking or exercising?

Hang in there, nowwhatz!

Thanks Surnia!

I am going to try to take a walk tomorrow morning and I have band practice tomorrow ... . I play guitar in a metal/punk type band.  For 5 months I have been learning to play the drums. I find playing the drums to be a good way to get my mind of the BPDgf.

I have a ton of work this week so I will be busy. I am concerned that I will not be totally functional and my work might suffer.   I'm going to go through this and try to keep my NC journal here and see what happens.

[Surnia]

Learning drums, I think this is excellent! Body work and a lot of independent coordination... . our brain needs these kind of tasks. Otherwise we start ruminate endlessly about the past.

Good idea to keep a journal here too about it. Especially for moments when you are struggling. 

[irishmarmot]

Hang in there Now, you're starting the grieving process.   Give yourself time and you will feel better. 

[Free2Bee]

Nowwhatz, hang in. You're doing the right thing.

Words of wisdom from my wee 2 weeks of NC: When the going gets tough, the tough keep busy - busy doing things to help ourselves. Self-care is crucial at this point. Play your drums, exercise, try to eat as  healthy as you can. Keep your body healthy because your mind is going to be all over the place at this point.

Keep writing here and keep us posted! 

[Moonie75]

I play drums (was full time musician for six years).

Still play in bands couple times a week.

I can honestly say, hands down the hours that follow a session on drums are without doubt the best I get all week!

Playing drums is primal, requires concentration, physically demanding, and a great vent for hurts & frustrations!

When a broken person has eventually broke their drum kit, that person may not be so broken anymore!

[sun seeker]

  A journey has to start with single step. Your making the steps in the correct direction. (Away). It would be in your best intrest to changed passwords on Netflix total n/c bud. This is keeping you connected and prolonging the inevitable hurt.

Kai.

  2 weeks is huge. Congrats. I wouldnt minimize any amount of time n/c.


We are in this ___ storm together... . Keep up the good work staying n/c.

[charred]

Mindfulness can help keep you from ruminating and losing sleep over your pwBPD.

Keeping busy is great idea... if you can find any motivation.

The breakup is more like losing a parent than anything else... it can easily put you in to the throws of depression... . fortunately there is a lot of advice and help available for dealing with  lack of motivation and depression related issues... . look into it.

Seeing a T is a good idea as well, having someone hear you and understand is helpful, and they can help you learn about mindfulness.

Being active on these boards helps as well, it forces you to put some effort in to composing your thoughts, figuring out what questions you have, finding answers and helping others... . all of which helps.

Been NC about 18 months now and am finally getting motivated and moving on with my life... . can take a while.

[Perfidy]

I bet as many of us that are musical we could come up with at least one platinum album.

[nowwhatz]

Day 2 NC

Thanks so much everyone for your support.

Unfortunately i have been here before way too many times. I have backslidden into so many recycles with this woman I have lost count.  

I felt pretty good going to sleep and again woke up sad and went back to sleep somehow.  It is not normal for me to sleep in late... . I am an early riser... . but I suppose I needed the extra sleep so it will help.

Well I am not really ruminating too much but she is still linked to me in so many ways. I want to be strong enough to preserve whatever links I need to keep and move on.

I would really like to be ready to actually date a new person and that day may be closer than I think.  With each recycle I like the exBPDgf less and less and she becomes less and less attractive to me.   I told he I was not really too sad after the end of the last recycle and she said oh then you don't love me anymore.   Maybe she is close to the truth.

I am sensing that my love for her is shifting from a romantic love to a different type of love. When she has her good moments she is truly in love with me. When she hates herself she loves nobody and nothing and just wants to escape.

Something different about this last recycle... . I made almost zero romantic gestures towards her. Never got her flowers or any real gifts. I did pay for her hair extensions but that was as much for me as it was for her... . I like her in long, long hair.   No cards. No romantic dinners.  

And if we said "I love you"  I made it a point to say in spanish "te quiero" instead of ¨te amo.¨

The last time she said I love you to me was about 1 week ago... . it was ¨te amo.¨

Well I am going to try to get moving here.

Have to clean up the house, watch some football, maybe band practice later today  and YES play the drums!

I am a guitar player but wish I had taken up the drums years ago. Drums are great!

Thank you so much.  I will report back.  

[nowwhatz]

I bet as many of us that are musical we could come up with at least one platinum album.

Last year after an end to a recycle music helped keep me sane. I got into so much music I had never heard before and learned new musical styles on the guitar... . really improved my playing. Would not have happened if I had been stuck with the albatross gf all year.

[nowwhatz]

I play drums (was full time musician for six years).

Still play in bands couple times a week.

I can honestly say, hands down the hours that follow a session on drums are without doubt the best I get all week!

Playing drums is primal, requires concentration, physically demanding, and a great vent for hurts & frustrations!

When a broken person has eventually broke their drum kit, that person may not be so broken anymore!

I see many broken drum heads and cymbals in my future .

I am a beginner but enjoy it so much. I am just starting to get to the point where I can add some fills and mix up the kick patterns a little... . starting to get the hang of heel toe technique and a little bit of slide technique.   I don't have fast hands yet and am trying to get the most out of the least number of notes and build on it.

When the exBPDgf was at my house about a week or so ago to spend the night for 2 days I tested her by going through what I might normally do in my house if she wasn't there. She was watching tv in my room and I said... . see you in a bit I am going to practice drums now bye.

She only lasted 1 night instead of the 2... . maybe the drums had something to do with it.

[nowwhatz]

day 2 continued

out of bed finally at 130 pm

got shower anyway now trying to keep moving

[nowwhatz]

Well I just saw I titled this thread... . "day bye day."    I guess day bye day is appropriate if I want to say goodbye to the past.

I got a disappointing text message from a woman in mexico city who was introduced to me by a friend a couple of weeks ago.  I have barely said a few words to her and this women sent me a text saying her house was being seized or foreclosed on and she asked me for money.

Unbelievable.  I responded by saying sorry to hear that all I can give you are prayers and friendship.  She responded by saying no te preocupes... . very BPDish. No thanks for your thoughts or anything... . just "don't worry about it."

Another effin parisite geez.