Destruction

[Kallor74]

It just baffles my mind how much chaos and destruction these people can cause and they can just walk away without a care in the world... .

"La la la, lets see who else's life i can f*%^ up" 

Sorry i'm feeling bitter today.

[Starlight607]

Here must be something in the air because so am I. I have allowed myself to think back to the rubbish and am now angry. Pointless I know. Just cannot help it today. I just feel I want revenge today! Really annoyed with myself for such negative energy.

[Popcorn71]

Me too - I have been doing really well lately but today I just feel anger welling up and want my exBPDh to suffer greatly.

He destroyed what could have been a wonderful life together and 'appears' to be just fine while I am stuck feeling like crap!

I'm pleased we are all here to support each other 

[UFY]

But they're not 'just fine' though... . right?

I can't remember where I read this - maybe on this site somewhere - but isn't the thing that you're in all this pain now because of their actions, but they are in the pain that creates those actions all the time. They have to live with their fear and their hurt all the time - even when they look 'fine' on the outside, they're carrying that suffering with them always. Seen this way, for me at least, it's impossible not to have compassion for them. Their ability to appear 'fine' on the outside is the result of them suppressing their real feelings, which might change their moment-to-moment conscious experience, and they may for a while feel as thought they're ok, but that hurt is there all the time, every minute, and on some level they know it and are constantly afraid or running from it. Whenever I think about it that way, it breaks my heart to think of my ex partner living her life that way. I'm recovering from the hurt I experienced in our relationship, but she's effectively not recovering at all, right? She's just running the exact same pattern again. The idea that she could have the intense happiness she once had with me with someone else hurts my feelings, yes, but if I then imagine that that she'll feel the same horrible hurt when things cycle back around, all I feel is compassion for her.

Surely if your ex appears to be 'just fine', it won't last for long... . whereas when you reach 'just fine' in your recovery process, it will be real and lasting. So really, you're so very lucky that you can have a terrible, grief-filled experience like this and recover from it... . maybe?

In any case, I hope you can find a comforting way to process the feelings of anger... . it's completely normal, and healthy, to experience anger - if we take a step back and look at the situation objectively, just on the facts of what happened without considering the causes of your ex partner's behaviour, you were probably treated really poorly, right? If you observed what happened without knowing any of the underlying stuff, you'd expect that the person in your position would be *p*ssed* at being treated that way. You were hurt, and you're allowed to recoil, and to resent having been hurt in that way. And, then, you're allowed, mercifully, to find what whatever way works for you to heal from that hurt. And that, compared to the endless repetition our loved ones in this situation are experiencing, is your gift.

That's how i get myself through the long angry night, anyway. :-)

[sirensong65]

I'm sorry but I am in the group of waking up today in a serious snit and wanting to hurt someone over this situation.

I have a hard time feeling compassion when hurting on the inside or not, he is F'ing one or several women these days while I grapple with feelings or hurt, rage, insecurity over the way I was tossed away like a piece of trash.

Frankly, the only thing keeping me from doing something REALLY stupid is fear of being arrested.

[UFY]

Of course... . that's so very hurtful. I'm 'protected' from that somewhat in that my ex partner won't have anything to do with me and I moved interstate when we broke up, so while I have no doubt I've been replaced and she's gadding about appearing 'fine' while I'm hurting and trying to piece things together, I don't have to see it or know about it. I can imagine that would make it infinitely harder... . I'm sorry you're feeling that intense anger today, Sirensong65 and everyone else... . I hope something happens in your day to soothe your hurting heart. 

[NoCRV]

I agree with UFY on this one.  My BPDex drank and when she got drunk she couldn't keep the facade up and her emotional pain flooded out followed up with rage.  I empathize with her.  After the break up I went out with friends to have some drinks and my emotions came pouring out.  I carried the pain all day until I couldn't carry it anymore.  In one night, I realized what she goes through continuously.

[coastalfog1]

I'm sorry but I am in the group of waking up today in a serious snit and wanting to hurt someone over this situation.

I have a hard time feeling compassion when hurting on the inside or not, he is F'ing one or several women these days while I grapple with feelings or hurt, rage, insecurity over the way I was tossed away like a piece of trash.

I tend to agree with siren, i'm very angry with my situation. Quite honestly I want her to hurt as much as I do. I acknowledge my part and the work I need to do on myself but this woman was a one man wrecking crew that took down my life. Goodbye Masters degree,job, home,friends, security and happiness. Hello black hole of despair so she could have months of feeling better about herself. She's on to her next victim and I hate her for that.Shes a manipulative,intelligent liar thats gotten good at this. But as a nurse, one day her  drugs,alcohol use, and mental state are going to kill one of her patients, will you still think her the victim in all this if it was someone in her family?

Sorry bitter tonight...