3+ Months Later

[drxap]

I broke up with my exBPDgf just over 3 months ago. The process of moving on has been rough. At first I was in denial that she was so horrible. I was lonely and confused how I tried so hard and still got treated like garbage. A month in, the reality of the relationship started to sink in and I desperately wanted closure (which she used to further torment me). Next, I started drinking and smoking excessively until I couldn't stand myself anymore. Now, for the past few weeks I have started working out, going out and meeting people, and generally focusing on taking care of myself. I am able to discuss legal obligations with her without getting drawn in emotionally or personally.

I am definitely doing much better, but I still struggle having any kind of relationship with women. I just don't trust myself not to get lured into another traumatizing relationship.

How have some people gotten past this stage, if you were ever there?

[arn131arn]

I can honestly say that I just don't care about another relationship right now. I understand how the feelings of intimacy and happiness with another person is important to all of us, but after this long, painful experience, I just want to get to know me.

I want to do things I've always wanted to do, but I couldn't because I was tied down for so long. I want to do things on MY OWN! I want to become stronger physically, emotionally, and spiritually before I try to give someone else all of me.

I do t know what good it would do for my long-term health to try that now.

I want to find me... .

[seeking balance]

I am definitely doing much better, but I still struggle having any kind of relationship with women. I just don't trust myself not to get lured into another traumatizing relationship.

How have some people gotten past this stage, if you were ever there?

of course you are going to struggle - you were deeply wounded.  It just takes some time for you to learn to trust yourself and for the emotional wounds to heal - you won't be like this forever.

Think of it this way, if you loved mountain climbing but the last time you went all the safety gear failed and you ended up fracturing a leg, broken ribs and a concussion... . first, you would let your body heal, then you would rehab to get your muscles strong - finally, you try a very controlled climb - not go to the top of the biggest mountain, right?

Let yourself heal - enjoy your friends, keep working out - you will be ok with some time 

Peace,

SB

[DownandOut]

I am definitely doing much better, but I still struggle having any kind of relationship with women. I just don't trust myself not to get lured into another traumatizing relationship.

How have some people gotten past this stage, if you were ever there?

of course you are going to struggle - you were deeply wounded.  It just takes some time for you to learn to trust yourself and for the emotional wounds to heal - you won't be like this forever.

Think of it this way, if you loved mountain climbing but the last time you went all the safety gear failed and you ended up fracturing a leg, broken ribs and a concussion... . first, you would let your body heal, then you would rehab to get your muscles strong - finally, you try a very controlled climb - not go to the top of the biggest mountain, right?

Let yourself heal - enjoy your friends, keep working out - you will be ok with some time 

Peace,

SB

Great analogy SB!

I am feeling exactly like you drxap, but SB's analogy is really spot on and I couldn't have said it better myself.