What to do with SELFIE?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi all,

I searched the forum and haven't found any enters for selfie.

My partner takes them all the time and post them on FB.  It is then I noticed how his narcissistic  behavor works, and it is more complex than explained by professionals:

- he makes friends in real life by pretending he is something he is not: he listens a lot, makes them feel good, please them after he carefully observes then to find out what they want.  After some time, and after he gets exhausted by this he disappears from the "friendship" he created since it is only one way street for him, since he never, ever talk about himself.

- this all got transformed in FB, since he doesn't get tored from it and goes on and on, especially since there is no one real person he talks to but many... .

He also posts other peoples thoughts and idea as his own, and always contests to the comments, and thus makes others feel "good", what is his way to makes him wanted, when in real life this is more difficult.

Yet both lead to terrible isolation and loneliness and it is deeply antisocial since there is no any exchange, since he thinks the only thing he can offer is his pleasing factor, and not his true self, that he thinks is not good, even bad and thus not worth sharing.

So at the end it is self hating that is coated in narcissism which somehow ended up being "liked"on FB.

What do you guys think?

Best

Jox

[Jox]

Hi all,

I searched the forum and haven't found any enters for selfie.

My partner takes them all the time and post them on FB.  It is then I noticed how his narcissistic  behavor works, and it is more complex than explained by professionals:

- he makes friends in real life by pretending he is something he is not: he listens a lot, makes them feel good, please them after he carefully observes then to find out what they want.  After some time, and after he gets exhausted by this he disappears from the "friendship" he created since it is only one way street for him, since he never, ever talk about himself.

- this all got transformed in FB, since he doesn't get tored from it and goes on and on, especially since there is no one real person he talks to but many... .

He also posts other peoples thoughts and idea as his own, and always contests to the comments, and thus makes others feel "good", what is his way to makes him wanted, when in real life this is more difficult.

Yet both lead to terrible isolation and loneliness and it is deeply antisocial since there is no any exchange, since he thinks the only thing he can offer is his pleasing factor, and not his true self, that he thinks is not good, even bad and thus not worth sharing.

So at the end it is self hating that is coated in narcissism which somehow ended up being "liked"on FB.

What do you guys think?

Best

Jox

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Smugly]

Sounds like a possible case of shy/covert narcissism.  Check out www1.appstate.edu/~hillrw/Narcissism/shycovertnarcissist.html and see what you make of it.  Feelings of unworthiness mixed with a sense of entitlement? 

[123Phoebe]

Hey Jox,

What do you guys think?

The very first thing that came to mind is that your partner gets something out of taking pictures of himself and you're getting something out of analyzing why he does this.

I've analyzed my situation to death; I've analyzed him, me, his family, my family, us etc... .  Until I got a handle on the analyzing and started actually LIVING my life, there was no progress.  None.

So, what I've concluded is that I was content making no progress, until I wasn't anymore.  

That's when everything changed.

What do you think?

[waverider]

Seems like he is stuck in idealization mode and creating facades by MIRRORING people.

Taking selfies is about creating an image, or trying to.This is why poses are often so fake

He has no sense of self, constantly trying to adopt one.

Not sure its narcissism, otherwise he would just assume he is the bees knees rather than trying create the impression.

Sometimes people with BPD can come across as wannabe NPD, as they crave being in control much the same way NPD can take it as a sense of entitlement.

123Phoebe is right in that you can disable yourself by over analysing what is not ultimately affecting you. There is a lot of weird stuff with PDs some has just got to be left as "their stuff' unless it impacts you.