Question:

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Why do we have compassion for pwBPD when it seems psychiatrists and therapists do not? 

I've been reading about why they are reluctant to diagnose BPD as it can cause problems for the BPD individual like discrimination.  How does it actually may make things worst for the BPDer than it does good... . ?

btw:  Today I got a little frustrated that I am still not over this whole ordeal. 

[LuckyNicki]

Why do we have compassion for pwBPD when it seems psychiatrists and therapists do not? 

I've been reading about why they are reluctant to diagnose BPD as it can cause problems for the BPD individual like discrimination.  How does it actually may make things worst for the BPDer than it does good... . ?

btw:  Today I got a little frustrated that I am still not over this whole ordeal. 

[fromheeltoheal]

Also, insurance companies consider BPD 'incurable' and there are no approved meds for its treatment, so there's no profit in treating it.

But the worst part?  What if someone told you that all of your beliefs, the way you see the world, how you see yourself and others, how you relate to others, all of your defense mechanisms, all of your coping tools, are part of a disordered personality?  What if you respect the person who told you that and value their opinion?  How would you feel about that?  It would rock us to our core and make us doubt our entire existence.  Or, if we had a well-developed set of maladaptive coping tools, we'd blame, project, rage, distort, hell why not screw the therapist, whatever makes it all go away.  For a minute.

[LuckyNicki]

Also, insurance companies consider BPD 'incurable' and there are no approved meds for its treatment, so there's no profit in treating it.

But the worst part?  What if someone told you that all of your beliefs, the way you see the world, how you see yourself and others, how you relate to others, all of your defense mechanisms, all of your coping tools, are part of a disordered personality?  What if you respect the person who told you that and value their opinion?  How would you feel about that?  It would rock us to our core and make us doubt our entire existence.  Or, if we had a well-developed set of maladaptive coping tools, we'd blame, project, rage, distort, hell why not screw the therapist, whatever makes it all go away.  For a minute.

That is pretty nuts as that seems to fit my exBPDgf.   Im still unsure if she realizes what she has.   It seems like she knows herself well and believes thats just how she is. 

She once told me " my love for you is in a storage, I compartmentalize everything".  When she told me this, I was like WTHECK? I couldnt comprehend it.

At that time I didn't know about BPD and then when I read about it, I found out that thats what BPDs do.  And many people who had pwBPD mentioned this.  They put u on a shelf.   So I feel like shes aware of herself but may believe that's how she is... .

So I am imaging that if she does go to a therapist, and she is told about herself the way you just described, it might just rock her world. 

[coolioqq]

Medical professionals are people. As such, they are prone to the same things as the rest of us. No small number of psychologists went into the profession to cure themselves; some of them have BPD (look for some podcasts on iTunes - some are hosted by psychologists suffering from BPD).

While it is true that professionals are reluctant in diagnosing patients with BPD, compassion or apparent lack of it has not much to do with that. Professionals realize that BPD is difficult to treat as it requires extensive training, time, patience and possible reliving of and involvement with similar things that brought us to this forum. If you go listen to the podcasts, you will hear professionals with horror stories - BPD patients calling their office with threats of harming themselves... . Then getting into severe devaluation of their therapists... . It sounds almost equivalent to what people here are/were experiencing - the whole idealization/devaluation circle along with manipulative behaviors. So, even professionals are not immune to that.

Unfortunately, some professionals are simply not up to the challenge of treating BPD. That is no wonder, it is very difficult to create an emotional connection (it is needed for healing) with someone whose emotions range from severely disregulated to having an "on-off" switch on them. I wish I was just being ironic - that is something that therapists face every day.

Last, but not least, few therapists can truly empathize with their patients. According to Carl Jung, probably the most important and influential psychiatrist to have ever lived, it is crucial for healing that a psychiatrist is able to fully empathize with their patient, and relieve himself/herself of any judgments until the patient is fully cured. He was talking about a relationship where the psychiatrist would be a partner in patient's recovery. It is quite possible that he has not had BPD in mind when he talked about this, but it seems to me that BPD cannot be cured without true compassion. If you are curious to hear what Jung said, here it is: www.youtube.com/watch?v=jG5fshTs4mQ (Carl Jung on Accepting the Darkness of Self and Others)

The particular statement that I am talking about is at around 4th minute in the video, but I highly advise you listen to the whole thing. Jung is one of the most brilliant minds to have ever been born. And we can learn A LOT from him as to how to position ourselves in the aftermath of our relationships pwBPD. As the name of the video suggests, we have darkness and they have darkness. We have to accept both. We have the advantage over being sound enough to work through it and accept it. PwBPD unfortunately cannot do that on their own. Hence, compassion is the key!

[LuckyNicki]

Thank you so much Coolioqq for answering in my threads.  That last post was extremely informative!  It makes complete sense to me now and cleared up a lot of things for me.