Feeling Happy?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi all,

So, I have a question. What does it feel like to be happy? I know that I have experienced it several times in my life, but I don't know what it means to be happy. I don't know if this makes any sense, sounds kind of mixed up as I write this.

One thing I am concerned about is looking outside myself to create the happy feelings. For example, I feel happy when I am in a new relationship, or when I purchase something for myself or my home. Don't get me wrong. I am not a shopaholic. I don't have the resources to be, not even thrift stores. I just wonder what would it feel like to be happy when these things are not happening. Instead of feeling happy, I feel depressed and am looking for something to occupy my mind. Oh, boy. That doesn't sound good or healthy. I get that it has to come from within and not without. Another one of those intellectual concepts that I understand, but just don't know how to put into action.

Actually as I write this, I think really I get a high when I am in a new relationship. So, maybe, it is not happiness I am looking for, but euphoria? I don't know. I haven't been in a relationship for more than four years and I really don't miss being in a relationship (takes too much energy that I don't have right now). Maybe it is just the feeling that I get from being in a relationship that I miss. Hmmmm.

So, can anyone offer some insight into this conundrum?

[clljhns]

Hi all,

So, I have a question. What does it feel like to be happy? I know that I have experienced it several times in my life, but I don't know what it means to be happy. I don't know if this makes any sense, sounds kind of mixed up as I write this.

One thing I am concerned about is looking outside myself to create the happy feelings. For example, I feel happy when I am in a new relationship, or when I purchase something for myself or my home. Don't get me wrong. I am not a shopaholic. I don't have the resources to be, not even thrift stores. I just wonder what would it feel like to be happy when these things are not happening. Instead of feeling happy, I feel depressed and am looking for something to occupy my mind. Oh, boy. That doesn't sound good or healthy. I get that it has to come from within and not without. Another one of those intellectual concepts that I understand, but just don't know how to put into action.

Actually as I write this, I think really I get a high when I am in a new relationship. So, maybe, it is not happiness I am looking for, but euphoria? I don't know. I haven't been in a relationship for more than four years and I really don't miss being in a relationship (takes too much energy that I don't have right now). Maybe it is just the feeling that I get from being in a relationship that I miss. Hmmmm.

So, can anyone offer some insight into this conundrum?

[Want2know]

I was looking up quotes on happiness to share with you, and there are a lot of good ones.  Instead of posting one or two quotes, I thought it might be better to give you the link to them and let you read them and share with us which one(s) are meaningful to you... . you want to give it a shot?

www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_happiness.html

[clljhns]

Love the site! Thank you Want2know!

Okay. So here are the ones that really resonated with me:

Just do what must be done. This may not be happiness, but it is greatness.



George Bernard Shaw

Read more at www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_happiness.html#BidBjsgzLgSQGPPM.99

The first recipe for happiness is: avoid too lengthy meditation on the past.

Andre Maurois

Read more at www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_happiness.html#BidBjsgzLgSQGPPM.99

Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.



Abraham Lincoln

Read more at www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_happiness.html#BidBjsgzLgSQGPPM.99

Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.

Dalai Lama

Read more at www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_happiness.html#BidBjsgzLgSQGPPM.99

Great quotes on happiness. So I think that one of the concerns I had was is it okay to look for productive things to do to create happiness? Does this negate creating happiness within, or is this the creation of happiness within?

This issue with new relationships is really not related to happiness, this is an issue for another post.

So, yes this was very helpful! I can actually understand that being happy is a state of mind, and if that means I am building a bench or planting a garden, these are all things that bring me happiness.

Oh. Just had a thought here. I think part of the problem is I didn't feel that I deserved happiness. Hmmm. Okay. Topic for another post.

[Want2know]

Great quotes on happiness. So I think that one of the concerns I had was is it okay to look for productive things to do to create happiness? Does this negate creating happiness within, or is this the creation of happiness within?

First of all, you chose some great quotes - love Abe Lincoln!  So much more than the man on the penny and the $5 bill. 

Productive things like building a bench and planting a garden - those are wonderful, and I would imagine would make you happy.  I have a great feeling of satisfaction and happiness when I am feeling productive. 

I always like to look up definitions:

Productive: doing or achieving a lot : working hard and getting good results.

Happiness: a pleasurable or satisfying experience

I would say that those terms are very much related.

I had a super productive weekend that brought me much happiness - one of the best in a long time.  Some of it was that I was productive (ie. worked out, cleaned) and some of it that was just so satisfying and pleasurable all on it's own.  Making connections with some really good people.

So glad you found that site helpful - sometimes quotes can sum up a lot of what we are feeling or experiencing in a nutshell and with profound accuracy.

[fromheeltoheal]

Being productive can make it easy for me to feel satisfied with myself, but not necessarily happy.  To me there's a difference between doing and being, doing something to be happy, or just being happy.  For me it's a matter of focus; if I focus on a bunch of negative sht I will probably be bummed out, but then again that can lead to motivation to not do whatever it was again, an opportunity.  But if I focus on positive things, and also take care of my body like eating enough, getting enough sleep, exercising, hydrating, then the feeling of happiness is there for me whether I'm doing nothing or I'm really busy; happiness can be as simple as choosing to be happy.

[clljhns]

Thank you all for your responses! I loved the definitions, as I too tend to look them for clarification. I guess I was worried that I would be looking for things outside of myself to bring me happiness. Knowing how important it is to take care of my needs without looking to others, is something that I keep a close eye on. I used to NEED relationships to feel "happy", simply because I was looking to have those needs met.

I feel much better reading your responses and realizing that it okay to do things that bring me pleasure, because I doing something positive and enriching. It doesn't involve getting my needs met through a person or through random buying of items.

I agree, happiness is a state of mind. Unfortunately, having gone through many years of gas-lighting, I still find it difficult to trust my instincts.

Getting better at this though, so thank you again for the help! 

[seeking balance]

Happiness = Peaceful for me these days.

Yesterday, I went for a hike and after sat out back with a good friend in the sunshine - I had no cares in the world in that moment and we toasted and said we have a blessed life - yep, I was happy in that moment.

When I started doing my nightly (writing 5 things down) Gratitude journal, I started noticing happiness more.  Like all things - it passes, but recognizing it in the moment - what a blessing.

The act of writing down the daily gratitude list is important in all this - It made me actively notice rather than passively take it for granted.

[clljhns]

SB,

Yes. How I love nature. At night, I sit outside and listen to the tree frogs, hoot owls, and coyotes in the distance. So peaceful. Brings me such contentment. Hmmm. I guess I have found ways to feel happy. But like you said, it is fleeting at times.