The Smear Campaigns Are So Weird Sometimes

[FindPeace]

This horrible person has been out of my life for a couple of years now, but I still learn things I don't want to through the few common friends we have left. The smear campaign is so weird. I can tell she talks about me because of the way mutual friends / former friends that she took away act around me now. It's all weird sideways glances and looks of fear or pity. The latter is the super weird one, though. I have one remaining friend who remained friends with the ex, who I'm trying to decide what to do with. We're really close except for when it comes to the ex, in which case she shuts me down whenever I've tried to talk about the face that I'm an abuse survivor. It's so weird because we're otherwise good friends. I think she thinks I'm the one trying to do a smear campaign. This friend sometimes says the weirdest things that imply that she thinks I have emotional problems that I don't - and they are very similar things that the ex used to say to me. My friend will talk at me all full of pity and wanting to "help" and I'm always like, "where did you even get this idea?" then she shuts me down just like when I bring up the abuse, so I know that it's coming from the smear campaign. She must be painting me as crazy / broken in order to protect her own fragile ego. It's really irritating and I don't want to cut this last friend loose, but I'm tempted to. Anyway, I'm irritated about this right now, and just kind of wanted to mention it. I'm guessing I'm not the only one here who's been through this.

[Split black]

This horrible person has been out of my life for a couple of years now, but I still learn things I don't want to through the few common friends we have left. The smear campaign is so weird. I can tell she talks about me because of the way mutual friends / former friends that she took away act around me now. It's all weird sideways glances and looks of fear or pity. The latter is the super weird one, though. I have one remaining friend who remained friends with the ex, who I'm trying to decide what to do with. We're really close except for when it comes to the ex, in which case she shuts me down whenever I've tried to talk about the face that I'm an abuse survivor. It's so weird because we're otherwise good friends. I think she thinks I'm the one trying to do a smear campaign. This friend sometimes says the weirdest things that imply that she thinks I have emotional problems that I don't - and they are very similar things that the ex used to say to me. My friend will talk at me all full of pity and wanting to "help" and I'm always like, "where did you even get this idea?" then she shuts me down just like when I bring up the abuse, so I know that it's coming from the smear campaign. She must be painting me as crazy / broken in order to protect her own fragile ego. It's really irritating and I don't want to cut this last friend loose, but I'm tempted to. Anyway, I'm irritated about this right now, and just kind of wanted to mention it. I'm guessing I'm not the only one here who's been through this.

Ive just gone thru the same crap. I haven't had too much residual from people that I know... . but who knows the amount of lies and bull___ she spewed. The possibility that it could effect my livelihood is possible. So after a year of mostly crap, lies, cheating, stealing, blackmail and manipulation... . mixed with her unending declarations of need and love... . I get the BIG smear... . for absolutely NO REASON... . even being split black 4 times this past year was for absolutely reasons only known to her... .  I was too this or too that. Whatever... . and then to top off the smear... . a week later ( about a week ago) I got two texts that simply said... . " business proposal call me"  Then two hours later "C'mon call"   Of course I did no such thing ( translated means I need money and your the last sucker on my ex fu*k list that might bite)... . so I went thru a day of being pissed off and then just carried on with life. The unmitigated gall... . the absolute retarded brain dead perception that she can just try to ruin my life and then call as if she did nothing.  As the fog continues to abate, the insanity of my own involvement is also uncomfortably enlightening. I could have walked any time... . but remained because I was addicted to her sex and drama. The biggest difference in my own behavior is that I would have jumped at her texts in the past... . never again.  < puking in my own mouth>   ps remember friends no contact means shes dead to you. And as the the article says... . attachment leads to suffering Detachment leads to FREEDOM!

[1BrickShort]

I haven't been able to make much sense of them, myself.

My one saving grace is that my xDpwBPD/BiP/ASD doesn't live near me and we didn't have any mutual friends local to me. Quite simply, I don't interact with anyone in person, save my family, who's been affected by her.

In a much larger sense, however, we had a lot of mutual friends due to hobbies/groups and we would go to quite a few get-togethers and spend days and holiday weekends with them. It took her about 2 years to chase everyone off, but yes, a lot of them thought I was the crazy one and likely still do. She once told me (after she completely lost it with some folks I thought were good peoples) that because she had destroyed her friendship with them then she had no qualms about destroying any chance of my being friends with them as well.

Well, there is that. Take no prisoners!

She was very good at showing how 'hurt' she was online (posted only to mutual friends, of course) and people started dropping me like I was the proverbial t*rd in the p*nchbowl. "Can't be friends with anyone who would 'hurt' my friend." Or that whole, I must be making the stalker/cheater/general nuttiness up.

You bet.

My outlook has switched to one where if no one cares enough to ask ME what's going on, or has turned me away as a friend bc they believe what she's saying/doesn't want to support me through the harassment/blah blah blah then they aren't exactly my friends, are they?

What truly amazes me MORE is that people cannot see what was going on - all the high/low online posting, general chaos and instability that's SO easy to see... . She's medicated now for the last 6 months and it's become even worse than it was before. (We are only recently NC, but haven't been a couple for awhile.)

Anyway, I'm sorry your ex sucks. Hey, mine does too.

[Banshee]

Does the Male pwBPD do the smear Campaigns? I don't hear much about that , It seems to be  mostly the females

[Narellan]

My ex BPD used to smear his ex gf and her family, but not to a huge degree. Just the occasional comment here and there. And now I think he's selective about who he says what to within our mutual friend group. He told my best friend(ex best friend now) that I was an alcoholic and unstable, desperate to be with a man. She didn't defend me. He made a comment about how sad it was I couldn't break this cycle, and that he supposes now ill just move into the next sucker. All projection as its him to a tee, only replace alcoholic with drug addict. At a party a week ago most of our mutual friends were distant and aloof to me and no one mentioned him at all. So I suspect I've been smeared but it really doesn't  bother me. They really aren't my friends, prob all closer to him and he's trying to save face.

It does seem like the women BPD smear far worse.

[Mutt]

My ex did a smear campaign. She told everyone that I was emotionally, physically, financially abusive to her and the kids. It was distorting the truth, to cover up and make her affair excusable. It brought her pity and rescuers.

I maintained all of my friends that have known me for many years, prior to going into this r/s. Lost every mutual friend and family members on her side. I was friendly to all of them, and knew them for several years. If someone does not give me the decency to ask my side or both sides of the story, then I'm sorry, it's not a loss as a friend. Fine by me if they are gullible.

The truth has a way of working it's way out.

[Split black]

Lost every mutual friend and family members on her side. I was friendly to all of them, and knew them for several years. If someone does not give me the decency to ask my side or both sides of the story, then I'm sorry, it's not a loss as a friend. Fine by me if they are gullible.

The truth has a way of working it's way out.

They are amazingly convincing playing the poor victim of nothing.

[Mutt]

Lost every mutual friend and family members on her side. I was friendly to all of them, and knew them for several years. If someone does not give me the decency to ask my side or both sides of the story, then I'm sorry, it's not a loss as a friend. Fine by me if they are gullible.

The truth has a way of working it's way out.

They are amazingly convincing playing the poor victim of nothing.

I control what I can control with what matters. I have raised my profile with teachers and doctors. I go to all of the parent teacher conferences, I make absolutely sure that I meet with the kids doctors and take them to their appointments. They can get a sense of my personality, so they are not getting a different version of myself second hand.

[rollercoaster24]

Hi all

Banshee

You asked if Males with BP do the smear campaign?

I believe they do, my ex was shocking at saying smearing lies about others, I even sat in front of his family members while he told lies to me, (I had no idea he was lying) and after when some of them caught up with me whilst BP was absent, they said they couldn't believe the lies he told, and also couldn't understand why he so often does this.

There were many many other occasions where he did the smear campaign thing, both to me and others he/we knew, along with a huge capacity to stretch the truth. Towards the end, I actually accepted more readily that I would never be able to trust him and stopped judging myself for that, also putting private boundaries in place to deal with his propensity for lying/troublemaking.

So I believe like others here say, it depends on the individual really, but I don't think males are any less capable that's for sure.

Cheers

Roller

[Banshee]

Hi all

Banshee

You asked if Males with BP do the smear campaign?

I believe they do, my ex was shocking at saying smearing lies about others, I even sat in front of his family members while he told lies to me, (I had no idea he was lying) and after when some of them caught up with me whilst BP was absent, they said they couldn't believe the lies he told, and also couldn't understand why he so often does this.

There were many many other occasions where he did the smear campaign thing, both to me and others he/we knew, along with a huge capacity to stretch the truth. Towards the end, I actually accepted more readily that I would never be able to trust him and stopped judging myself for that, also putting private boundaries in place to deal with his propensity for lying/troublemaking.

So I believe like others here say, it depends on the individual really, but I don't think males are any less capable that's for sure.

Cheers

Roller

Thank you for responding... I'm not sure if My ex did... the only thing that comes to mind is holes in his walls and him telling me his ex gf did it,,few weeks later I noticed a hole  on the bathroom door and asked him if he did that and he got really defensive... . WHY would you accuse  me of that blah blah,,I asked him bc I thought he would have mentioned it when he was telling me about the others... since I've been reading here I wonder who really put those holes in the wall... hmmm  Not sure if this is smearing or just a flat out lie.

[letmeout]

You asked if Males with BP do the smear campaign?

Indeed they do, and with relish!

My BPDexh is still at it, but I wonder why he bothers after 2 years since I divorced him. Maybe he will forever try to smear my reputation; that way he doesn't have to feel any responsibility for destroying the marriage.