I made contact but I seem to be blocked

[blueman54321]

I caved in, again. sigh.

I unblocked her on FB and realised she had blocked me. I tried to call her, and she appears to have changed her number.

I seem to be fully blocked out of her life in every single way.

I emailed her asking her for an explanation and if she was protecting me or if she was angry and if she will ever talk to me again. I had a read receipt come back for this message but no reply.

I'm pretty sure she has a new 'love interest'.

Now, I'm wondering if this is forever and the motivations for an full block out, is this truly because she is idealising someone else and I am nothing?

Is this because I am split and she is angry?

Is this because it hurts her emotionally to communicate with me?

I know from last week when we were communicating she started to say things like "i miss you".

So perhaps this is just easier for her.

Still, I would of liked at least an explanation, that would of been amicable.

Now you might say fairs fair because I blocked her on FB first, but I did that because she will inevitably add her new bf on there once it gets that far and I explained that to her.

What would be the likely reasons behind this full on block out? Is it purely because I mean absolutely nothing to her now she is idealising someone else? Or angry or what?

She could of at least said something, a yes or no would of sufficed to one of my questions, why has she not responded in any fashion whatsoever? Is she punishing me?

[OutOfEgypt]

Hi Blueman... .

In my view, the fact that she has blocked you is a tremendous mercy to you.  Praise God, seriously.

Why is the reason she blocked you?  Because that is what BPD's do... . pathologically... . which means they will do it over, and over, and over.  That is why your life will suck so long as you hang onto her.  You will be on this up-and-down rollercoaster forever, pining away after her.

I don't obviously know, but I would guarantee she has a new love interest.  In my experience with my BPDexw, she swing on one man to the next like monkey bars.  She never just "left" me without already having another guy in the works.

The mistake you are making is in obsessing about her rationale, as if she has rational reasons for doing what she does.  In her mind, she has clear reasons for doing what she does... . reasons she tells herself and others.  But those aren't the real reasons.  She may not even know the real reasons.  That is part of the reason why it is a fools errand to seek some kind of answer from her.  The other part of the reason is that the answers she will give, if she gives them, will ultimately be untrue and manipulative and serve to entrench you more in your self-destructive obsessing about her.  She may not be consciously doing it, but if she is BPD she basically wants to be able to drop you like a sack of rocks and walk away while being confident that you are obsessing over her like crazy.  And you are, from what it sounds like.

Your obsessing about her and her reasons and seeking an explanation (and really... . validation is what you seek from her -and you will NEVER get it) are just going to keep you in chains until you can let it go, my friend.  I'm sorry you are struggling so much.

Don't beat yourself up about this.  That only makes it easier for you to repeat the addiction cycle.  Self-loathing fuels our need to do self-destructive things.  Have some compassion on yourself.   These kinds of people are VERY difficult to break away from and see things clearly with.  That is part of their game, and part of our journey.

[blueman54321]

I just feel so lonely.

[OutOfEgypt]

I know you are.  Lonely is normal.  Grief is normal.  But some of it probably isn't just loneliness.  It is more like withdrawal from a drug.  My therapist told me that my BPDexw was like... . a way for me to give myself a break from how I tortured myself.  I could be wrapped up in her and her drama and feel all of that pain, and it was like I was letting her torture me to give myself a break from torturing myself with all of the self-loathing and depression and emptiness.  So what happens if you take that away?  You are left with your own emptiness and self-loathing, now compounded with grief and blame and obsessing and worrying.  Loneliness hurts... . but this is probably more like you are torturing yourself, my friend... . with countless lies you are telling yourself as you think on her over and over.  It took me a while to work through that, but it does get better.

You reach a point where you begin making a choice... . Do I want to be free?  Do I want to not live under this terrible regime any more?  If we are honest, part of us doesn't want to be free because we know it means moving on from them, and we still think we can somehow be good enough to have them finally really love us in a sustained and committed and caring way... . like it felt they did at first.

[Leap]

Blue, don't feel blue and try not to feel lonely.  Out of Egypt is right, this is BPD.  Trying to figure out her motivations will only make you miserable and drive you to distraction.  Try to remember everyday is a new day and every day is different.  The utter joy of being an SO if someone with BPD is looking forward and trying to deal with their unpredictability, moodiness, impulsivity, fear, need to control and paranoia, just to name a few (my attempt at humor and levity, because if you don't laugh sometimes you will most definitely cry; take it from someone who knows in excruciating detail).  In all seriousness, try not to let it get you down.  Confusion, hurt, anger, resentment are natural in our situations.  But also remember she is probably feeling the same things, even though it may not appear that way in the here and now.  Also remember if these feelings aren't managed, they can bite you in the ass when you least expect it.  One day at a time, brother.  If nothing else my BPDw has taught me that mantra (along with aa) and I'm the better for it.  So keep your head high, live and not just survive you never know what tomorrow may bring.  Faith, Hope and Love.

[blueman54321]

I have been informed she spent the weekend with a new love interest on the isle of white. like a few days after they met online, she stayed at his family home. Note: this would mean they left on the Friday, the exact day she went cold on me.

I feel so hurt you can't imagine, like a sword through the heart.

I couldn't sleep last night and drove to work and crashed my car this morning.

I am scorned, deep to my soul. It hurts like nothing I've ever felt before. She is idealising and putting smiling pictures up saying she has found her smile and love motivational pictures on Facebook apparently.

He is another army guy and clearly has fallen for her.

I'm out, he's in, too stay probably as he clearly very wanting.

I don't know how to feel right now, I still can't cry but I want to. I feel absolutely broken.

[blueman54321]

I've just seen one of her pictures. She is wearing a neck scarf, looking like a sweet little thing, all adult and shy and all that crap.

She never wears stuff like that, she is cheamleoning, it's sickening.

[OutOfEgypt]

I know, my friend.  I know how it feels.  Been there.

But do you really want that?  :)o you want to live a lie?  :)o you want someone like that?  That is what you have to realize... . the person you really are so enamored with, who feels so endearing in your heart... . that is a fantasy, not her.

She is idealising and putting smiling pictures up saying she has found her smile and love motivational pictures on Facebook apparently.

He is another army guy and clearly has fallen for her.

Of course she is.  That is what they do.  My ex *still* does it, pathologically.  It is a lie.  He's just another guy who fell into the trap.  At least you have the opportunity to stand up and get out of the trap!  I know it hurts.  Of course it does.  But this is her true face... . not the person who can seem so wonderful and make you feel so good.  The latter is the shiny lure and the bait, but now you are tasting the rip of the hook through your lip.  Time to spit it out.

[DontPanic]

Seriously... if you can do nothing else... muster up the energy to do a little happy dance... find another girl and mark this date as the day that everything changed for you.

Exercise, eat good, play a little and remember how short and sweet life is. while you are all tore up over her... remember she isn't and will probably never be. even after therapy the best you could hope for is that she might be able to control her crazy enough to not cause damage wherever she goes. yep she is probably that broken and no, it is not likely she will ever be able to be who YOU would like her to be... that wasn't the hand any of us were dealt... in fact neither was she...

Good Luck... and Dont panic you will feel better!

[OutOfEgypt]

I second Don't Panic's advice.  This is your life, bro.  It is time you enjoyed it!   You don't want to wake up 10 years from now saying with utter emotional exhaustion, "Who the hell am I and how did I get here?"  Instead of allowing your pain to bring you down into the pit, allow it to propel you into the life YOU want to have.  Imagine that... .

yep she is probably that broken and no, it is not likely she will ever be able to be who YOU would like her to be... that wasn't the hand any of us were dealt... in fact neither was she...

word... .

[blueman54321]

You may have seen from my other post I emailed her.

Now she hasn't communicated at all so far, but she did today, probably was bored or something.

My email:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=225798.msg12439321#msg12439321

She sent me a reply back today:

"

Good afternoon XXX,

I hope you are well,

I have a few items at your home, which I would like returned. Such as; my Converse, Onitsuka's and some clothing. These items were in a bag in the alcove and in the garage.

Can you please check there are no outstanding items, if there are some (which there will be) can you forward them to me, via the collect+ service at the newsagents. I will reimburse you the money. Please send the amount via email and I will transfer funds via online banking. I hope this is satisfactory.

This is the last time you'll hear from me.

XXX

"

names replaced with X's

Now she knows full well I do not have these items. I specifically returned them to her, everything to her.

Why would she reply to such a heart felt message at all, let alone with this bogus ___.

No emotional context, just a bogus request, and a hurtful comment at the end. No explanation, which I have asked her for previously.

What's going through her head?

Should I bother replying?

[blueman54321]

Not to mention the 2 specific things she requested were trainers, and tattered old trainers at that.

Why bother with this?

[OutOfEgypt]

Hi Blueman.  The sooner you give up trying to figure out what is going on in her head the better off you will be. 

[pipehitter]

Brother.

Mindblowing. Mind effing blowing.

If you read up what happened to me lately it is kind of similar.

I sent her a long email, it was nice and understanding. Heartfelt and emotional. I basically told her that I love her so much that I will let go.

The response?

"Okay I will let you know what I plan on doing when I know what I plan on doing (The question was about something that she could have basically just answered quickly, especially considering that she doesn't care etc. But no.

Quick question, more of a quick favor... . (proceeds to ask me for a favor.)

Sorry for being so short, I will write more when I have time. (Straight up lie. She always had the time. She also was constantly on FB that day - even if not time how about a "Thank you for your nice email. blablabla". Just something.)


As you see... . text book.

[blueman54321]

What I don't get is that she breaks no contact.

To tell me that she is going no contact, but will obviously have to communicate while organising this bogus exchange? Of items I do not have, that she knows she has, and whether she does or not doesn't matter as it's a pile of crap.

The end question begs, why break no contact at all for a couple of worn out tatty trainers?

What the f**k.

She wants more from me clearly, she knows contact will stir up emotions with me, but she has her disclaimer at the end "last you'll hear from me" which gives her the right to play the victim.

I don't know, am I seeing this wrong? What the f**k is the point.

[blueman54321]

She knows I want an explanation or something real spoken out of her mouth yet I get a pile of bullbags, written like a co-worker.

[blueman54321]

Can anyone decypher this or is it just a matter of she's got nothing else to do. Or she wants to wind up the pain more?

[blueman54321]

I particularly like the "I hope you are well part" she knows I'm suffering, she knows she has hurt me.

[OutOfEgypt]

Distance yourself from it.  :)on't play the game.  You know that her game is to throw little bombs at you to get at you.  It can hurt, but let it motivate you to keep emotional distance and avoid all of that "heart-to-heart" stuff.  Doesn't mean you need to get all angry.  You can be quite nice and emotionally detached from it... . a resolve to no longer hand your head over to be whacked at.

[pipehitter]

We are in a VERY similar situation, at least in regards to the last communication.

I have thought about it A LOT. To the point of almost losing my mind.

I think the point is... . it has a "reason" but she probably doesn't know it herself. This "reason", I guess, is not even very important in the big picture.

I don't think they are sitting there, plotting which email to send when.

It has a purpose, yes. But it might also be way less important to them, if at all, than we like to think.

Even if we had it in writing it would probably be disappointing in every way.

Sad... . but I think that is the truth. The truth is also that I will start thinking about mine again in less than 10 minutes from now.

[goodmann11]

Oh Bluemann Have we not all been there, are there or even going there God forbid. The same advice NC is the only way> I tried all the logical pleading texts etc and looking back she was enjoying it.

What a mug I was... . I was treated like a mug throughout the relationship and after. I am still very damaged and on high alert with people. I swear I have aged 10 years in three. But in my early photos with her I looked rejuvenated like a love sick teenager and I am 50 she just 32 too good to be true it was.

Keep your chin up mate maintain your pride. We all feel the same.

Anyone on here around Kent want to join a small support group for nons let me know

Take care

Louis

[OutOfEgypt]

Yup... . enjoyed it.  Of course, she would take great offense and tell me how wrong I am about her if she knew I was saying that, but you see what you see, ya know?  If you let yourself perceive what you perceive and listen to your impression, you kinda know.  I remember "accidentally" getting a forward email from her containing a long exchange between me and this other man (not sure how that "accidentally" happens at all).  She talked about how stupid I was -and how much smarter she is than me.  There was contempt and disdain in her words, like it was funny and I was pathetic to her, though she would always tell me to my face that in spite of her unhappiness with me she always held me in high regard privately with others.  And of course, this other moron assured her that she was messed up because I had "abused her" for so many years.  Priceless to get a glimpse behind the mask.

What happened to the "moron"?  He still pines away after her.  The last time she used him for sex and then broke it off when he started to get "attached," he wound up checking himself into a mental hospital.  But he's still chasing after her... . forever.  He really thinks he will be the "last man standing".  I feel badly for him, if he didn't deserve it.

[blueman54321]

It's easy to get angry and jealous of the next guy, but really they are being fed the same lie, and will be broken and discarded too when the time comes.

[Arminius]

The communications I receive are either like yours, or hideously nasty.

It's what they do.