YouTube videos on BPD

[Depression = 72% of members]

I guess I'll start by saying I'm 26 days NC.  I have been spending a lot of time researching the dissorder and spent the weekend watching videos on BPD.  My X had been sexually abused when she was a child, she has an eating dissorder and she has a very controlling mother.  I have realized that the cause of her problem might be mostly related to her relationship with her mom.  I have been doing really good but i'm feeling bad for her all of a sudden.  Her birthday is in three weeks and I am anxious about the time leading up to her birthday.  Part of me wants to acknowledge this day and the other part doesn't.  I've been wondering if she will contact me before then also.  Our relationship didn't involve anger or argument of any kind.  Just didn't happen.  She cheated on me 5 or more times and lied frequently.  We broke up many times and she always made contact again.  Feeling good about myself but kinda nervous about the next three weeks.  After watching many videos on BPD i have got a greater understanding about their thoughts and actions.  It hurts me deeply to think of her inner pain.  My T has been on vacation and I finally go again today.  Any advise would be great, I know I can't have the relationship but I am a caring person and wouldn't want to hurt her.  I kissed her for the first time on her birthday two years ago

[kba1969]

I guess I'll start by saying I'm 26 days NC.  I have been spending a lot of time researching the dissorder and spent the weekend watching videos on BPD.  My X had been sexually abused when she was a child, she has an eating dissorder and she has a very controlling mother.  I have realized that the cause of her problem might be mostly related to her relationship with her mom.  I have been doing really good but i'm feeling bad for her all of a sudden.  Her birthday is in three weeks and I am anxious about the time leading up to her birthday.  Part of me wants to acknowledge this day and the other part doesn't.  I've been wondering if she will contact me before then also.  Our relationship didn't involve anger or argument of any kind.  Just didn't happen.  She cheated on me 5 or more times and lied frequently.  We broke up many times and she always made contact again.  Feeling good about myself but kinda nervous about the next three weeks.  After watching many videos on BPD i have got a greater understanding about their thoughts and actions.  It hurts me deeply to think of her inner pain.  My T has been on vacation and I finally go again today.  Any advise would be great, I know I can't have the relationship but I am a caring person and wouldn't want to hurt her.  I kissed her for the first time on her birthday two years ago

[kba1969]

www.youtu.be/KGXdxtZZisE

[Mutt]

I'm sorry, anniversaries can be triggering. Are you feeling bad because you are feeling empathy? I'm glad to hear that you have an appointment with your T today, you will probably feel better after the session and it's a good idea to bring up the researching you have done over the weekend and how you feel about it in regards to your ex.

Thanks for sharing the video