Taking care of myself

[Depression = 72% of members]

I just finished reading Stop Caretaking the Borderline.  What an amazing book! Its really helped me see that, even though I thought I was taking care of myself and doing what I learned here, there's so much more I can do for myself until the day comes that I move out.  I'm actually going to read the book a second time since I'm sure there's stuff I missed the first time around. 

The book and the lessons here, along with everyone's advice and knowledge here, always made me think that things could get better if I don't engage with his craziness and learn how to communicate with him better.  I feel like I've done that, certainly not 100% but as much as I can.  He has only gotten worse.  Honestly, nothing I've done has made any change for the better in the r/s.  Can an extinction burst last 3 years?  Seriously, everything that he rages about feels like its magnified 1000 times.  I really believe that with him, he's so off the charts as far as BPD goes, that therapy is the only thing that might help him, but that will never happen because he refuses to accept that he has a problem.  That's why I moved from Staying to Leaving.  At this point, I'm only taking care of myself.  I'm not making things worse, but I've stopped trying to make them better.  Actually, I guess I am making things worse for him because I am taking care of myself and not playing into his craziness. 

I know for sure that I can look at myself in the mirror and honestly know that I tried to make things better for the last 4-1/2 years.  I also know that I can never be the person he wants.  He can't accept me for me and be happy that I'm there with him.  It's all or nothing with him - be by his side 24/7 or pack up and move out.  No in between, no going to the gym or seeing family or friends every now and then - either be with him or don't.  Well, I won't be with him.  Until the day I move out, I'm going to continue to take care of myself and do what's right for me. Its his loss. 

[toomanyeggshells]

I just finished reading Stop Caretaking the Borderline.  What an amazing book! Its really helped me see that, even though I thought I was taking care of myself and doing what I learned here, there's so much more I can do for myself until the day comes that I move out.  I'm actually going to read the book a second time since I'm sure there's stuff I missed the first time around. 

The book and the lessons here, along with everyone's advice and knowledge here, always made me think that things could get better if I don't engage with his craziness and learn how to communicate with him better.  I feel like I've done that, certainly not 100% but as much as I can.  He has only gotten worse.  Honestly, nothing I've done has made any change for the better in the r/s.  Can an extinction burst last 3 years?  Seriously, everything that he rages about feels like its magnified 1000 times.  I really believe that with him, he's so off the charts as far as BPD goes, that therapy is the only thing that might help him, but that will never happen because he refuses to accept that he has a problem.  That's why I moved from Staying to Leaving.  At this point, I'm only taking care of myself.  I'm not making things worse, but I've stopped trying to make them better.  Actually, I guess I am making things worse for him because I am taking care of myself and not playing into his craziness. 

I know for sure that I can look at myself in the mirror and honestly know that I tried to make things better for the last 4-1/2 years.  I also know that I can never be the person he wants.  He can't accept me for me and be happy that I'm there with him.  It's all or nothing with him - be by his side 24/7 or pack up and move out.  No in between, no going to the gym or seeing family or friends every now and then - either be with him or don't.  Well, I won't be with him.  Until the day I move out, I'm going to continue to take care of myself and do what's right for me. Its his loss.