some good news (for a change)

[GhostDad]

So-a breif history.

Told her last spring it was really over, she responded by going on a massive nasty smear. Ends up getting her friends so fired up t that they actually come over to try starting fights with me (protective identification, anyone?)

After several nights of waking out of a sound sleep to the pain of her assaults, I end up moving out. When she realizes that it's truly over this time, she spirits the kids away and denies me any opportunity to see them

Then come the allegations. CPS, police, abuse, arrests.

And finally, after all these months and after having lost so much, it finally looks like things are starting to break.

I just received a letter from CPS starting that her allegations were unfounded.

Her criminal case against me is also starting to unravel, as we prepare for a jury trial, it looks as though they're going to have to dismiss the charges.

So my question to ask of you (who probably know better than me), is why do I feel angrier about things now, especially when it really seems as though the tide is turning?

Its been hell for me, this past year. I've lost so much. My kids have been through unimaginable torment because of her anger and abuse of the legal system.

I feel like she should be punished, but I know that it's counter productive. My kids need a healthy mom who's there for them. And yet I fear I shall never be able to forgive her for the pain and anguish she's caused all of us.

I just wish that she could be taught a lesson about her actions, and that she understands the gravity of them.

Thanks all, for your always insightful comments.

[LettingGo14]

So my question to ask of you (who probably know better than me), is why do I feel angrier about things now, especially when it really seems as though the tide is turning?

Its been hell for me, this past year. I've lost so much. My kids have been through unimaginable torment because of her anger and abuse of the legal system.

Hello GhostDad.  I'm glad to hear the positive turn in events.  I don't know if I know any better, but anger is a very natural emotion.   There are a couple angles you could consider:

Per this book, The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson [review here:  http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=155621.0 ], anger is the 4th stage in the stages of abandonment.  She says, anger is "the turning point in the grief process when you begin to fight back. You attempt to Reverse the Rejection by Refusing to accept all of the blame for the failed relationship, and feel surges of anger against your abandoner. You Rail against the pain and isolation you’ve been in. Agitated depression and spurts of anger displaced on your friends and family are common during this turbulent time, as are Revenge and Retaliation fantasies toward your abandoner."

Anger is also seen at times as a cover emotion for fear or helplessness, though you have reason to be positive at this stage.

You can work with your anger.  Feel it.  Let it burn.  And hold.

At some point, of course, anger can be toxic for you.  As the saying goes, "anger is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die."

There is a workshop on anger here, for reference: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=135831.0

Keep posting.  Glad things are looking up.