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Ceruleanblue
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« on: August 15, 2014, 12:01:25 AM » |
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I recently read an article here about recycling. I do not want to do that. I knew my husband and his ex spent 24 years doing that, and I warned him very early on in our relationship, that I've never taken anyone back. I feel you stick it out, give it your all, and don't jump ship. Well, it got so bad, I jumped ship, so to speak. I asked him to leave, because I was about to have a breakdown. He'd been begging me for a "break" for two years anyways. And I was really thinking more break up then "taking a break".
Well, he's been gone three days, and now he wants to come back. I've done way better than I thought I would. I've gotten a lot stronger, and I now know that I should never have tolerated how he treated me. Of course I knew that when he was still here, but he had me so worn down. Now I see that maybe it ending could be for the best. I can't even believe I just typed that. I want our marriage, but it's always been ME wanting it.
He did see the psychiatrist for the first time today. How can someone diagnose you when they only see/talk to your for 20 minutes? And my husband denies, and downplays his rages, and other behaviors(all those BPD type behaviors). The psychiatrist said he thinks he may have Intermittent Explosive Disorder. I disagree, but whatever. He gave him two drugs to try, and I'd still like to take part in ONE meeting, so I can at least tell all of my husband's behaviors. I just want him to get the correct diagnosis. He could be several things, but my husband said the doctor said he didn't really test as personality disordered. Trust me, my husband is personality disordered, but he is very good at displaying totally normal behaviors, and psyching out people who could help him.
I guess I have to give up getting him diagnosed. His family doctor was on a good path with medicating him(only one medicine), but my husband's therapist messed that up. I feel his therapist is really not only not helping him, she is enabling him. She meddled in his doctor's diagnosis, or treatment.
Part of me wants to believe his pretty promises of "I'll be better", and "let me try to prove it to you", but I've heard that before. He has a huge Achilles heel too in the form of his three grown daughters. I fear it will take one threat from them, or just me no longer taking crap off them, and he'll be back to resenting me, and blaming me. I've decided during this "break" that I'm no longer going to let his kids disrespect me, deliberately exclude me(although I can't really change that), and I'm done knocking myself out for them. They can hold grudges at me, stay mad, not forgive... .that is on them. Let it eat at them, I refuse to do that. I have reset my boundaries, but I'm not going to hurt myself by hating them.
Has anyone else taken back a spouse and it actually was worth the second chance? Can people really improve, when it was really bad before? How can he go from acting like he hates me(painted me black), to being "normal"? I'm just thinking it seems so difficult for him? I mean it boils down to his thinking... .and how can he just change that?
I'm really debating what I should do. I want to give it a try, but I'm really scared to do so, and I feel it may not be the smartest thing to do. My gut says give it a shot, by my head says "chances are slim that he'll really change".
I'd like to hear your stories... .good and bad. I hope there are some good outcomes though too.
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