Strange behaviour

[max101]

Just noticed my ex (who previously deleted me off of Facebook), blocked me today, as did her new guy (they got enagged last week, 5 months after she left me) and her best friend as well.

To be honest I did sometimes go to their profiles to see what is happening and I did search for him on LinkedIn, not out of jelousy but curiosity.

What I do not get is, why now, why the blocking now, I never contacted any of them and they cannot  see how often I looked at their profiles (I know those "tools" to see who viewed your profile are scams).

Is this like a message from her that she is in control and moved on?

I find it childish and bizzare, anybody experience this?

[BlondeRunner]

Hi max101 

I really wish I could tell you why they do this but, in my experience, you'll never understand why because there is largely no method to the madness!

Your post stuck out to me as just this morning I found myself in a somewhat related situation, although it's kinda the reverse of yours, when I uncovered some weirdness... .my dBPDexbf made a huge show of blocking me on his social media and messaging devices 3 months ago. It was horrible! But this morning I happened to notice that he is, in fact, still following me on a few things! To be honest, I just assumed he'd blocked me on those too so I never even bothered to check!

I spent a while trying to figure out the "whys" but I don't think it's possible to find meanings in it. It could be anything and nothing!

[christoff522]

Just noticed my ex (who previously deleted me off of Facebook), blocked me today, as did her new guy (they got enagged last week, 5 months after she left me) and her best friend as well.

To be honest I did sometimes go to their profiles to see what is happening and I did search for him on LinkedIn, not out of jelousy but curiosity.

What I do not get is, why now, why the blocking now, I never contacted any of them and they cannot  see how often I looked at their profiles (I know those "tools" to see who viewed your profile are scams).

Is this like a message from her that she is in control and moved on?

I find it childish and bizzare, anybody experience this?

Yes, I was one of the blockers. For me I did it because she told me her ex beat her up and stuff. It's HER tentacling him with control. Getting a good grip on his mind. It won't matter to her anyway, she has numerous profiles so she can keep her eye on you to see if your profile pic changes or anything if you get a new girl. Don't worry about that.

What they tend to do is use their ex as leverage, she will continually bring you up in conversations, usually negatively, but you won't leave the relationship. It's too difficult for them to just get rid of you, you're emotional baggage for her.

The reasons for being blocked are

1. CONTROL - over you and him

2. To allow her to move on

3. To hurt you

4. To make you sit up a bit and be concerned

5. To mess with you head as much as possible.

I don't know the ins and out of your relationship, so I don't know how it was. But I would take this as an opportunity to garner even more distance. I look forward to the day mine finds someone else, that way I CANNOT hang around, I CANNOT hope for something. I've managed to end things amicably now, and I refuse to contact mine, even though I could, and even though she wants me to (despite my recent blockage). You must do the same. I also check her smule and instagram to see whats happening, and its rather upsetting sometimes. Time really flies for them, so their attachment wanes quickly, but their emotions don't. Their emotions are intense, but their personalities are transitory, they're beings in constant flux and conflict.

What it is, is evidence of the real impact you have on her, if she has to do this, it shows how uneasy you make her. It's not because you're a bad person, but because you know her. She knows internally that she's done wrong, and shes ASHAMED, and she has to try to avoid that as much as possible. New guy is her prince on a white horse, as far as she's concerned her Messiah is here, her saviour. It won't last long, they'll break up, he'll be as flabbergasted as you are, maybe even he'll run before anything happens when he sees what a fruitloop she is. They only want you when they want you, they won't make any effort, any negativity is weighed in a 'profit-loss' sort of thing, one thing another BPD I know, my 'ex' best friend said "I'm not getting anything from this". Thats what they care about - getting something, whether it be attention, presents, affection, a counsellor, company, control, validation, respect, violence, fulfillment, worship, sex, drugs, alcohol, free cinema tickets.

ANYTHING that they value as worthy of their time being spent on you, when its no longer there, the attachments are broken and on they move.

This is whats happening here. The way we know we're not BPD, is that when we think of them, we think of them! Not about what we did, about what we got from them, but about them. We feel compassion and emotion towards them thats still positive. BPDs are all negative at a point like this, the biggest and best game-player on earth couldn't turn a BPD's affections around, because for them the fantasy, whatever nonsense she's invented in her head, completely outweighs reality. That, my friend is the situation you're in. It's not so much childish as insane. Cry about it, sit there, pray for her well-being, and live your life.

[Crow Moon]

What it is, is evidence of the real impact you have on her, if she has to do this, it shows how uneasy you make her. It's not because you're a bad person, but because you know her. She knows internally that she's done wrong, and shes ASHAMED, and she has to try to avoid that as much as possible.

I just had to reply to this as it stuck out to me. I've been thinking this too lately. My ex did hint at exactly the things you said. That she was ashamed. Do you think the shame will ever go away?

[Lolster]

I have to ask why you'd want to be stalking her profiles tbh? Why draw out the drama? I've just blocked exBPD on my social network and i'm sure he's making the same kind of complaints about me. 

[Emelie Emelie]

You are able to see who viewed your Linked In profile.  As for the rest of it, who knows what she's telling them. 

[Dutched]

Never log in to your Linkedin account and view her, than she can see who looked at her profile!

What it is, is evidence of the real impact you have on her, if she has to do this, it shows how uneasy you make her. It's not because you're a bad person, but because you know her. She knows internally that she's done wrong, and shes ASHAMED, and she has to try to avoid that as much as possible.

Further, the behaviour is not that strange…

To protect myself I immediately blocked her on FB, incl. her family and those who she socializes with (I live in a small village, so).

Linkedin shows only my name and region, visibility only for contacts. Yes, she peeked/visited my profile a week ago… just yesterday her sister… I am asking you

Related to the remark of christoff522, I once posted:

I attended several meetings (triads) in which family members, professionals and BPD’s (low and high functioning) were present. The most astonishing to learn was said by a BPD (which is no different as told many times on this Board):

“we” sincerely love you and “hate” you as you are then perceived not to be trustworthy.

“we” however love you still… and have a deeply hope you reach out, “we” can’t .

The more you reach out, the more “we” feel you care, the more “we” get frightened.

But hate is care, it is not indifference.

In order to avoid all that pain, “we” m u s t cut you out, as the pain of losing the one “we” love the most hurts so much more. Remains 1 option, switch emotions of and move on…

Switch emotions of… the core was not completed, so there is no healthy way to process the feelings of losing a loved one, to grieve. Just not to process as we do.

Do “they” suffer? Yes, absolutely, though “they” don’t want other to see their always present inner turmoil, so “they” show us their “successes”… a complete make over of their appearances, cloths, color of hair, FB postings, having a wonderful time, and most profound with the next one, there soother it is again … “finally found the love I always longed for”, “the best ever happened to me”… again…  

[christoff522]

Never log in to your Linkedin account and view her, than she can see who looked at her profile!

What it is, is evidence of the real impact you have on her, if she has to do this, it shows how uneasy you make her. It's not because you're a bad person, but because you know her. She knows internally that she's done wrong, and shes ASHAMED, and she has to try to avoid that as much as possible.

Further, the behaviour is not that strange…

To protect myself I immediately blocked her on FB, incl. her family and those who she socializes with (I live in a small village, so).

Linkedin shows only my name and region, visibility only for contacts. Yes, she peeked/visited my profile a week ago… just yesterday her sister… I am asking you

Related to the remark of christoff522, I once posted:

I attended several meetings (triads) in which family members, professionals and BPD’s (low and high functioning) were present. The most astonishing to learn was said by a BPD (which is no different as told many times on this Board):

“we” sincerely love you and “hate” you as you are then perceived not to be trustworthy.

“we” however love you still… and have a deeply hope you reach out, “we” can’t .

The more you reach out, the more “we” feel you care, the more “we” get frightened.

But hate is care, it is not indifference.

In order to avoid all that pain, “we” m u s t cut you out, as the pain of losing the one “we” love the most hurts so much more. Remains 1 option, switch emotions of and move on…

Switch emotions of… the core was not completed, so there is no healthy way to process the feelings of losing a loved one, to grieve. Just not to process as we do.

Do “they” suffer? Yes, absolutely, though “they” don’t want other to see their always present inner turmoil, so “they” show us their “successes”… a complete make over of their appearances, cloths, color of hair, FB postings, having a wonderful time, and most profound with the next one, there soother it is again … “finally found the love I always longed for”, “the best ever happened to me”… again…  

Yes, mine came back, but apparently she has some mysterious "partner" who has taken her on holiday with his dad and his dad's gf. She came back the day after my birthday, which was last Sunday, she appeared at my work (which is a convenience store) with her mum, was all smiles. Then left me a message on fb.

I've been struggling with it, but the strange behaviour, the attention seeking etc... and I'm trying my best to better myself mentally to get myself to the fabled "alpha" mentality. But today has been difficult, shes been trying to make out like I'm mental because I'm acting differently. She's "concerned"... and wonders "what's up". Honestly... just having a conversation with her taxes me, it will NEVER be normal like an everyday discussion about something. And I often wonder if I'm BPD myself because the MOMENT we begin communicating I get frustrated. It's like she's on another planet... yet I can talk to someone else and it's fine. It's like the contexts are completely different (which truly they are). Today I've blocked her, unblocked her, pretended I hadn't blocked her... and hardly said anything to one another - right now she won't even add me as a friend on fb, I know why... .cos she knows theres stuff on there if I see it I'll flip out.

Whoever this 'partner' is... he's in for the same pool of muck I have had to deal with, also, it's quite possible he doesn't exist, is just a friend... and after this holiday away that he took her on wants her gone now. But what image is she presenting? The nice girl that his dad thinks is wonderful? Anyway, I have to ask the question... would she have gone on holiday with me? I think I know the answer.