I am so sorry. I have no real advice. Only unconditional support.
I am sitting alone in "our" home wishing he was here after 12 weeks no or low contact. You are not alone.
I have that book staring at me across the bed as I type on my lap top. You are worthy and deserving of a healthy and supportive partner. Pls pls don't think that anything you do should ever drive you from your home.
I too have sat in my truck outside my home (it was mine long before he came into my life) and wished to not have to go in.
I miss him. I love him. But I'll be damned if I will take one more ounce of crap from him.
People learn to function together. We make mistakes and repair them. you can salt the food as much or as little as you like and it shouldn't result in your exclusion from the home or relationship. Quite frankly you are way ahead of me. The best thing I make is reservations.
Pls pls know you are not alone. I shall sit and think of you until I see you post again that you are ok. Hugs.