I'm struggling with any type of communication beyond the trivial with my uBPDw.
I think it boils down to two things:
1. Unable to agree to disagree
2. Unable to understand how to compromise
What brought on my "ah ha" moment happened over the weekend. We were at home and she asked me how much money we should give her s16 (my step) for his birthday. I told her $0, since we were giving him her old car. Immediately she launches into everything that's 'wrong' with that.
It took 20 minutes for her to finally say what she would like, $75 and that she "feels" I'm not appreciating her compromise since she would rather give him $100. Putting aside that I didn't think we should give him a car (that discussion was too long ago so it's been completely forgotten).
I understand they have difficulty identifying their feelings and sometimes a lot of discussion is required for that, but this is just basic conversation 101. I state what I think, you state what you think and then you work out something you both can live with.
People always say emotionally pwBPD are like children, but even children can handle basic negotiation (just tell your 3 year old it's bedtime and see the negotiation skills come out!)
Can you describe what you were doing in the 20 minutes that she is getting to her point?
What do you think you could do to improve that interaction if you could do it over again?
