Heart and Soul destroyed

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I got charmed and done even worse, cheated on again and in fact the whole 3 or more months I have been involved with this crazy maker. Question is by betraying and destroying you emotionally in the worst way are they trying to make you feel like they felt when they were abandoned or what? I caught her this time cheating red handed cussed her out and left unfriended her on facebook and then messaged her later asking her what she got out of it and she tried to make me look unstable and then proceeded with the demeaning comments. Penis size, calling me a little girl etc... .All trying t rattle my cage. I need to block these messages. Telling me never to call her or text her. She neednt worry. I am sure going NC with this evil b___. Fool me twice its done. But what is the satisfaction she derives from using and demeaning someone? Does it make her feel powerful to hurt people? What is the payoff?

[screwedfriend]

I got charmed and done even worse, cheated on again and in fact the whole 3 or more months I have been involved with this crazy maker. Question is by betraying and destroying you emotionally in the worst way are they trying to make you feel like they felt when they were abandoned or what? I caught her this time cheating red handed cussed her out and left unfriended her on facebook and then messaged her later asking her what she got out of it and she tried to make me look unstable and then proceeded with the demeaning comments. Penis size, calling me a little girl etc... .All trying t rattle my cage. I need to block these messages. Telling me never to call her or text her. She neednt worry. I am sure going NC with this evil b___. Fool me twice its done. But what is the satisfaction she derives from using and demeaning someone? Does it make her feel powerful to hurt people? What is the payoff?

[Infern0]

Terrible situation to be in, don't beat yourself up and if you can try to stop trying to make sense of it.

Just repeat "you can't make sense of nonsense"

This can be your rebirth if you choose, you are free. NC forever. She is done. Finished.

[woofhound]

I agree with the post above. There is no real "sense" to be made from your experience. They do not operate in the logical realm. When I got cheated on by my uBPDx she told me she wanted to give me a reason to be mad at her... .however, in my opinion, this was her way of self sabotaging our relationship since, just before she cheated, it was the closest we'd ever been.

I'm not a Christian, but the phrase "Forgive them for they know not what they do." comes to mind. They are damaged, and, as a result, they only know how to damage others.

The best thing for you will, undoubtedly, be inward reflection. I had to ask myself, "Why did I let this happen?" In doing so, I came to see my own issues. I came to realize that I needed to make changes in myself.

Hope this helps somehow.

-Woofhound

[screwedfriend]

Thank you for relating to my situation but I have just gotten off a long tirade exchange of text messages in which of course she couldnt lose but made no logical sense and even suggested I didnt know if it was a man in the bedroom with her. They are so simple and ridiculous. Finally its over. I told her good riddance, I just hope she stays away. There is no reconciling after the comments and the evil and venom she has throwed at me now. i know she must hate me and am fine with it. But I hope she can be satisfied with her new victims.

[woofhound]

The trick is to truly seperate yourself from caring what she is doing.

I know exactly where you are right now, and i feel for you.

Focus on you today. Do something you love.

As for her, don't worry.

[screwedfriend]

It is really devastating though as I spent wasted a litttle over three months of my life over a woman who didn't even make love to me. She just used me for money and supply and didn't think I was good enough to sleep with her. I am reeling from the drama of the confrontation and climax of it all and lack of sleep. I just pray it will start to heal soon, the pain, the sorrow and that I can find a decent woman in the future as soon as I am over it sufficiently. But I feel this whole episode will cause me to have issues to work out because I will have a hard time trusting or relating to a new partner. I hope I am soon ready to get out there though. The best revenge is happiness is what they say.  

[screwedfriend]

All I feel now is pain and sorrow at losing something I never had and accepting the fact that someone could repay love and kindness with cruelty, anger, hate and vicious contempt. It is horrible but I blame myself for letting her charm me back in when the same thing happened a little less horrendously before. These women are hell on earth and regardless of there trauma in childhood I cannot accept that they have to do the things they do. Forgiveness may never be attainable for me. I will try in the process, but all I feel is hatred for what was essentially to me being totally conned by an expert manipulator who did the cruelest thing which is to awaken someones love and never intend to love them but to crush them. Nasty business

[Rifka]

I'm so sorry for the pain and hurt you are experiencing.

You are among friends here who know so much pain and hurt too . For whatever reasons we all accepted such horrible behavior from our exBPDso.

It's good to vent. When the why questions about the exes disappear and become why questions about ourselves, then we can start to heal.

Yes people with BPD make no sense whatsoever to us when we are not educated about this cruel disorder.

BPD is manipulating, cruel, controlling, tormenting, sneaky, unfaithful, compulsive, childish, excessively sexual or excessively not, hurtful and extremely addicting.

Why we get sucked in, see red flags over and over but still stay and give more chances is the question.

We as adults in our adulthood would normally never let another human being treat us this way, but we do allow them. Worse yet if they leave or we leave them, we yearn and crave for them to eventually come back or call or contact.

It really is bizarre because who would want more of that after the first time, but here we all are saying we did it more than once.

I personally can't remember in my adult life allowing somebody to be able to hurt me, or use me or lie to me like I allowed my ex.

I am done with him and I hope that your anger keeps you done with her.

Nobody should want to allow such cruelty to continue.

I just made 1 month of accepting I'm done with this treatment. 2 weeks n/c. It's a hard road once the dust settles and the craving begins.

The craving for what little crumbs we got from them to keep us calm and obedient from all the abuse.

It hurts like hell, if you can truly stay away from her now and start working on loving yourself that would be healthiest for you.

We all deserve the love and respect that we gave, we will all find those people one day.

Today most of us here need to heal our open wounds, let the scars form and learn to see the next battleground clearly before we decide to go to a war we can not fight.

Hugs to you, I know this is possibly the worst experience with another human that most of us have ever had.

In time, you can decide to turn it into the greatest experience for you. Hopefully you will educate yourself here, move your mind to survivor position and only allow healthy people into your heart.

[OutOfEgypt]

But what is the satisfaction she derives from using and demeaning someone? Does it make her feel powerful to hurt people? What is the payoff?

My ex did take some pleasure in hurting me.  She admitted it.  I "deserved" it for how I "neglected" her and hurt her for so long.   However, I think overall the issue is more that they "paint black" (and therefore demean and belittle) people who trigger their shame.  In other words, you busted her, you called her out on it, and that makes her feel immense shame, so she handles that immense shame by shaming and attacking you.  BPD's handle their inner conflicts by putting them onto those closest to them.