Was contact initiated by you (non) or the exBPD?

[RedDove]

I've read many painful stories about being contacted (and stalked) after the final separation by the expwBPD for a recycle. After reviewing the Survey posted recently on BPD family, right now it looks like:

22.6% (81 Nons) initiated the separation and

19.8% (71) expwBPD initiated the Seperation

My question is this... .does the one (non or expwBPD) who initiated the final separation have an affect on whether the expwBPD will attempt contact for a recycle?

If you iniated the final Separation with your expwBPD, did they attempt to contact you? I'm curious as to whether the expwBPD might experience "more" shame and anger that they lost control over/around the final beak up/separation?

So if you the "non" initiated the final separation/break up and you "were" contacted by your expwBPD, how long was it after the final seperation that your expwBPD contacted you? Also, was there a replacement involved? Based upon everything I've read, you won't hear from your expwBPD if they are with the replacement.

I'm curious to see whether or not the one who iniated the break up has any affect on contact attempts made by the expwBPD after the final separation. I know every BPD is vastly different, but would be interesting to see if there is a correlation.

[myself]

At the end of my r/s, she's the one who dysregulated, moved out, called it quits, said goodbye. She's also the one who has initiated contact since then (I haven't responded, knowing that if it's over it's best for me not to). I'm not sure if there was a replacement at that time or not. Perhaps an imaginary one.

[Infern0]

I left. She attempts to breach nc from time to time so far.

[Recooperating]

I left too. He still contacts me... .Staying NC though.

[Lion Fire]

I let go 5 months ago, turned and walked away after a two week insane and violent "push-pull" episode. Things got worse for a while. She lost control of me and has tried to lure me back with all sorts of tactics but I resist every time.

Contact is always initiated by her and comes in various forms.

NC for 78 days now despite 7 attempts from her to engage.

I know if I respond I will lose my own power and all it is for her is a fix.

I'm out of dodge 

[Lion Fire]

... .I'm not sure if there was an active replacement but I know there were several little fires she was kindling on the side.

In the case of my ex, I get the impression that she is reaching out to get validation from me to help her cope with the shame. She isn't going to get this from me.

[Lolster]

I left, he made a desperate, rather public attempt, to find a replacement, he ended up hospitalised due to suicide ideation which I reported to his family.  He constantly contacted me for a long time which I ignored/blocked.

He found a new way to contact me recently, SIX years later!  Stupidly I responded and we had a brief recycle.  He impinged on my boundaries again (to be expected) and I told him what I thought of him after a vicious message.  I was less concerned about hurting his feelings this time around. His response (to me asking for NC) was to rage some more and request the same. 

I haven't responded and I haven't had any further contact with him in the last six weeks.  I'm hoping that he won't initiate any further contact.  I think he'll feel like he ended it, I have a suspicion that the whole recycle was geared towards him feeling more in control of how it ended.

[merlin4926]

My expbd finished with me as he got involved with someone else. He kept coming back to me but each time it got worse and it would always be the one telling me he was done and then three weeks later he would get in touch. His behaviour to me got worse each time and I reached the end and told him not to contact me. Apart from several spiteful text messages immediately after I have heard nothing.   It feels so different this time and I'm confident I won't hear from him but also I feel so much more in control because this time it's MY decision so I am now in control!  I do suffer with feeling guilty but I tell you it does get easier as you get the strength back!

[hurting300]

Their is two poles on here actually. The BPD left the relationship more times then not. Plus other poles online reflect that also... it's not uncommon for a BPD to suddenly go silent and head for the hills. One thing though, I've read MANY stories of BPD's covertly stalking and making contact even years later.

[Split black]

Their is two poles on here actually. The BPD left the relationship more times then not. Plus other poles online reflect that also... it's not uncommon for a BPD to suddenly go silent and head for the hills. One thing though, I've read MANY stories of BPD's covertly stalking and making contact even years later.

Having been recycled at least 8 times... .  she ALWAYS had backup that she preferred over me... .I guess. She would use ME when she needed money or some emergency. Longest silence and hate on her part toward me ( for no reason ) lasted lasted 3 months... .she did heinous and hurtful things... .and felt it was my fault. Never an apology... .ever.  There was always stress... .and incredible anxiety she would have to dumb down with substances and pills, and booze... .I could not get thru to her. NOTHING I said ever stuck. I mentored her, advised her... .helped her... .so many different ways... .nothing ever mattered. Sex was a tool to use to get her needs met... .which was the need for money or some substance... .I allowed it. Im still recovering... .shes like a splinter in my mind. Kind of always there, but not there. Truly sux to be involved with and possessed by a person who you love/hate. What was the question?