"Visulizing the Future" ?

[Danie14]

I posted in the Leaving Board "Not Normal - things I won't miss" and have gotten one response. Which is ok because that post really was just for me to release that mess out of myself, in a safe way.

Yea, there are lots of things I won't miss and some things I will miss. It's hard, really hard, to explain and much harder to imagine what will be in the future. I think that's one of my problems... .why I've accepted for so long... .I'm just living my life. I don't want for much, I don't demand much, I'm pretty easy going, I'm hopeful and try to just live in the moment. Well... .now... .what feels like hundreds of years later... .I see that adding my past moments together to a whole comes up very short on what I would consider an acceptable life. For me or anyone else.

Do you (collectively) believe that visualizing the future you want will help you manifest that future into reality. I'm not saying wishing it into being but believe it's possible makes you more able to do what needs to be done to make it happen? I kinda do and kinda don't. Reality check, I could never actually grow wings and fly like a real bird. But I could take hang gliding lessons, right? Not the same thing as actually flying but as close as I'll ever get to it.

I wonder if I've some how subconsciously visualized this mess into being in my life now? Almost like having a victims mentality and making choices based on that mentality. I don't even know how to explain this thought of mine here... .but I hope I'm making sense... .anyone?  

[Pingo]

I've read in a few books that the brain can't tell if an event is real or imagined in the way it impacts the connections.

From Psychology Today's website:

"You can use imagination to trick your brain. New brain-scanning technology has shown that conscious perception activates the same brain areas as imagination. In effect, you can neutralize the long-term effects of painful memories by rewriting (or more correctly, rewiring) the past that lives within your brain.

You can use visualization as a way to train your brain to get happy. It works because your brain usually cannot reliably distinguish between recorded experience and internal fantasy. If you program your mind with images of you being happy and spend time visualizing the desired images long enough and hard enough, your brain will think those images really happened and will associate happiness with them."

I have been trying to visualise what a healthy r/s would look like.  Actually imagining what it would be like to have a 'partner' in the true sense of the word.  My T says that being around healthy people can change the brain's connections as well so when we finally are able to be in a healthy r/s it will help our healing even further.

I don't think I ever visualised my way into the toxic r/s that I was in but I think that I didn't have expectations of a healthy r/s either.  I don't think I've ever had a healthy r/s so all the more reason to start visualising what that would look like.  So I can recognise it when it happens!

[fromheeltoheal]

believe that visualizing the future you want will help you manifest that future into reality.

That is the most important part of creating the 'life of your dreams'; if you believe it's possible then you may achieve or create it, if you don't believe it's possible, it won't be.

BTW, 'life of your dreams' have been overused to the point of being trite, but no really, maybe dreams, maybe your imagination, maybe your longing, whatever and wherever it comes from, every great thing that has ever been created, including an awesome life, started as an idea in someone's head.  That doesn't mean that thinking about something will make it manifest, but thinking, and beyond thinking, embodying, a goal or a direction will adjust your focus so you can take steps in that direction, create it yourself, and in the process become who you were meant to be, the gift of setting and achieving goals.

And the strongest belief is an identity, it's a belief about who you are.  So who are you?  How many identities do you have?  Do you have any that are disempowering?  Where did your identities come from, were they given to you by someone or did you decide what they would be?

Awesome subject, lots of growth digging into this stuff.

[Danie14]

And the strongest belief is an identity, it's a belief about who you are.  So who are you?  How many identities do you have?  Do you have any that are disempowering?  Where did your identities come from, were they given to you by someone or did you decide what they would be?

I went thru a time a while back where I was so unhappy. So so unhappy. It's a long story that's part of the larger BPD story with my H... .he left me for a much younger girl (can't even call her a woman)... .long story short I was heartbroken and was like a zombie for months. He just *poof* vanished from my life... .but not really because he'd call me in the middle of the night and not say anything except 'hello' or he'd come to the house in the middle of the night and just lay in our bed, fully clothed not touching me... .it was very confusing. It went on like this for months and then I decided that I wanted to be happy. just happy. so I started doing things again, worked towards that goal... .and of course he 'saw the light' then and wanted to come home. I accepted him back and here we are... .again... .

but the point here is that in my work towards 'happy' I decided to try and get underneath all the labels that have been imposed and self-imposed on me. I did an ok job but don't think I've ever finished this for myself... .I thought I did but maybe not... .maybe it's time to revisit that work again. but you know now I don't just want to be 'happy' I want to be 'content' that's what I want in my life. Just to feel peace.

adding: maybe I hit a road block to figuring this out before and that's why I stopped really working towards figuring out who I am... .maybe I don't know what to do next with what I understand about myself... .

[fromheeltoheal]

maybe I hit a road block to figuring this out before and that's why I stopped really working towards figuring out who I am... .maybe I don't know what to do next with what I understand about myself... .

A cool thing to do is dive into our identities, discover what they are, and get rid of the ones that don't serve us, and then start looking at values.  What are our values?  What do we value most?  If we were going to prioritize them, which ones go at the top?  And then goals, outcomes; which way are we headed?  it doesn't need to be all heavy and intense, we can just play with it a bit, and I've noticed when I live life from my identities and values I get less caught up in the emotions of the day, and stay on track to where I'm going better.

Happiness is created by progress, and if we design a life coming out of our identities and values, start taking steps in those directions, and then notice progress, it's a brand new world and happiness just shows up.  WooHoo!  Life gets really good... .

Take care of you!