Really want to email this to my ex to finally show my understanding

[jammo1989]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cS3Egh_H0Ac

or will she just laugh?

[Rifka]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cS3Egh_H0Ac

or will she just laugh?

Jammo


Why open a closed door?

Do you think any reaction on her part, your part, your expectations will make you progress towards healing any better?

Ask yourself, why do you still worry what she does or does not think!

Worry about you, try not to back slip!

Hugs, I know this is hard!

Rifka

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cS3Egh_H0Ac

or will she just laugh?

That is really a great track.  As for sending it to your ex - I personally would not.  The silence of NC is the loudest music.

[jammo1989]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cS3Egh_H0Ac

or will she just laugh?

Hey Rifka, im still going back and forth, resentment and then understanding , I read into Schema therapy and its amazed me, the different modes they go into, they really are children literally, ive been giving some great advice but it blew my mind how these different modes effect their perception of people who are closest to them. 


Why open a closed door?

Do you think any reaction on her part, your part, your expectations will make you progress towards healing any better?

Ask yourself, why do you still worry what she does or does not think!

Worry about you, try not to back slip!

Hugs, I know this is hard!

Rifka

[jammo1989]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cS3Egh_H0Ac

or will she just laugh?

That is really a great track.  As for sending it to your ex - I personally would not.  The silence of NC is the loudest music.

Thank you for the compliment my friend, your right NC is the best music and the best closure we will recieve, like i said before, im going from resentmant to acceptance it really is a frustrating process.

[myself]

Your understanding is for you.

[Rifka]

Jammo,

You will need to keep learning about this disorder to heal you and understand why you were able to be so pulled around and to self reflect, not to focus on your ex!

N/c is the only savior

Rifka

[Blimblam]

Jamo

I did some sending music to show I understand. She didn't understand and got angry with me.  What it does is make you the convenient bad guy and fills her with shame.  Now think of the variety of ways she might go act that out. 

It really sucks but the best thing you can do for he is to leave her alone for a while.

Anything you say can and will be used against you directly it indirectly. 

It sucks man I know. The but maybe if I show her I understand is a trap. It falls back into the role she created for you. She sees the role she doesn't see you.

Im sorry bro

Blim

[jammo1989]

Jamo

I did some sending music to show I understand. She didn't understand and got angry with me.  What it does is make you the convenient bad guy and fills her with shame.  Now think of the variety of ways she might go act that out. 

It really sucks but the best thing you can do for he is to leave her alone for a while.

Anything you say can and will be used against you directly it indirectly. 

It sucks man I know. The but maybe if I show her I understand is a trap. It falls back into the role she created for you. She sees the role she doesn't see you.

Im sorry bro

Blim

Blim you really do give the best advice, i hope you know that! i haven't emailed anything to her, and by the way you described it physiologically its only going to remind her what she already thinks about herself, thank you for that! my birthdays in 4 days, i wonder if i get a happy birthday, very doubtful considering Gmail is the only thing she hasnt blocked . 

[Blimblam]

Jamo

I did some sending music to show I understand. She didn't understand and got angry with me.  What it does is make you the convenient bad guy and fills her with shame.  Now think of the variety of ways she might go act that out. 

It really sucks but the best thing you can do for he is to leave her alone for a while.

Anything you say can and will be used against you directly it indirectly. 

It sucks man I know. The but maybe if I show her I understand is a trap. It falls back into the role she created for you. She sees the role she doesn't see you.

Im sorry bro

Blim

Blim you really do give the best advice, i hope you know that! i haven't emailed anything to her, and by the way you described it physiologically its only going to remind her what she already thinks about herself, thank you for that! my birthdays in 4 days, i wonder if i get a happy birthday, very doubtful considering Gmail is the only thing she hasnt blocked . 

Thanks man. I went down a lot of the same paths as you and that's how it ended for me. So that is my projection.  Sometimes my head is clear and I can state things clearly often not.  Everyone here has something really valuable to share.  The thing I realized is we only see what we are ready to see.  A lot of the feedback you are getting now may not register untill moths from now.  That's how it was for me but it sunk into my unconcious and eventually I saw what it was they were sharing with me.

[jammo1989]

Jamo

I did some sending music to show I understand. She didn't understand and got angry with me.  What it does is make you the convenient bad guy and fills her with shame.  Now think of the variety of ways she might go act that out. 

It really sucks but the best thing you can do for he is to leave her alone for a while.

Anything you say can and will be used against you directly it indirectly. 

It sucks man I know. The but maybe if I show her I understand is a trap. It falls back into the role she created for you. She sees the role she doesn't see you.

Im sorry bro

Blim

Blim you really do give the best advice, i hope you know that! i haven't emailed anything to her, and by the way you described it physiologically its only going to remind her what she already thinks about herself, thank you for that! my birthdays in 4 days, i wonder if i get a happy birthday, very doubtful considering Gmail is the only thing she hasnt blocked . 

Thanks man. I went down a lot of the same paths as you and that's how it ended for me. So that is my projection.  Sometimes my head is clear and I can state things clearly often not.  Everyone here has something really valuable to share.  The thing I realized is we only see what we are ready to see.  A lot of the feedback you are getting now may not register untill moths from now.  That's how it was for me but it sunk into my unconcious and eventually I saw what it was they were sharing with me.

When you described the Schema therapy to me earlier like the different modes they portray throughout and towards the end of the relationship, since then my mind has found the closure it needs.  Think about it, your a smart guy, everyone tells you they are children physiologically, they look for parents via the intentions of being nurtured.  We already know this, and we keep re assessing and examining them words in our heads.  BUT, with me personally, you sometimes think, maybe these people are telling you this because their ex hurt them and they see them as immature and child like, BUT when you actually read up and gather the  factual evidence about these different physiological  states, you finally realise that this child like state is in fact very real, and when you finally accept the fact that you were the parent and not the boyfriend, all jealousy or care for her replacement goes out the window.  Theoretically speaking, these emotional states are so powerful that they have no indication or control over their behaviour. Its almost like how we have no control over blinking our eyes when someone flinches (pretending to punch us) we know its happening, but the action in motion is uncontrollable.  We are in fact dealing with children, and I dont know about you, but has justified why I dont want to ever go back, this will make you think, would you date a woman whos mentally mature of an adult age, but trapped in a childs body? I know I most certainly wouldn't!   

[jammo1989]

Blimbam, you seem very smart with this psychology, so may I please get an opinion from you? I noticed that one of my exes mates posted a comment on FB saying, Exes are exes for a reason remember that, and my ex liked it, then 3 days later her friend that got dumped and went on to talk about how much of a dick her ex was posted a status saying, It would have been a year and a half today... .im glad that s hit is over over :D and my ex also liked the comment.  Maybe im wrong in thinking this, but if my ex is going to like these things, im obviously still very much in the back of her mind.  Furthermore, her mate would NOT have posted that status if she was hurt by the whole situation, so my question to you is:

When someone likes statuses like these relating to exes, how would you perceive it? because I know for a fact I would only post  statuses like that if i still cared and was hurt deep down, I would very much appreciate you opinion on this, and if you think im completely wrong please say, thank you!    

[jammo1989]

Blimbam, you seem very smart with this psychology, so may I please get an opinion from you? I noticed that one of my exes mates posted a comment on FB saying, Exes are exes for a reason remember that, and my ex liked it, then 3 days later her friend that got dumped and went on to talk about how much of a dick her ex was posted a status saying, It would have been a year and a half today... .im glad that s hit is over over :D and my ex also liked the comment.  Maybe im wrong in thinking this, but if my ex is going to like these things, im obviously still very much in the back of her mind.  Furthermore, her mate would NOT have posted that status if she wasnt hurt by the whole situation, so my question to you is:

When someone likes statuses like these relating to exes, how would you perceive it? because I know for a fact I would only post  statuses like that if i still cared and was hurt deep down, I would very much appreciate you opinion on this, and if you think im completely wrong please say, thank you!    

[Blimblam]

To be honest if things could work through the devaluing stage and growth could take place I would get back with my ex. Even if it just never went back devaluing.

That's just not how it works.  They type of acceptance she is looking for is not something I can give her in a sustainable manor.

The type of acceptance I am looking for is not something she can give in a sustainable manor.

2 wounded souls.  

She found the savior in me and burried him underneath a mountain of pain in a pit at the center of the earth.

That savior is for me.  

That was her gift to me.  

I was at my then lowest point when I met my ex and she wanted to save me.

Now she wants to save someone else.

Really she wants to save herself and she projects that into others. The ones who can identify with that role are blessed. It means we can save ourselves.

She shows us the path. One into the darkness pain beyond belief. With the almost audible screams within of the banshee. It feels like death but it is a rebirth.

[Blimblam]

Blimbam, you seem very smart with this psychology, so may I please get an opinion from you? I noticed that one of my exes mates posted a comment on FB saying, Exes are exes for a reason remember that, and my ex liked it, then 3 days later her friend that got dumped and went on to talk about how much of a dick her ex was posted a status saying, It would have been a year and a half today... .im glad that s hit is over over :D and my ex also liked the comment.  Maybe im wrong in thinking this, but if my ex is going to like these things, im obviously still very much in the back of her mind.  Furthermore, her mate would NOT have posted that status if she wasnt hurt by the whole situation, so my question to you is:

When someone likes statuses like these relating to exes, how would you perceive it? because I know for a fact I would only post  statuses like that if i still cared and was hurt deep down, I would very much appreciate you opinion on this, and if you think im completely wrong please say, thank you!    

I'm not in a place within myself to answer this. I've pondered this many a times and it drive me to madness.

[jammo1989]

To be honest if things could work through the devaluing stage and growth could take place I would get back with my ex. Even if it just never went back devaluing.

That's just not how it works.  They type of acceptance she is looking for is not something I can give her in a sustainable manor.

The type of acceptance I am looking for is not something she can give in a sustainable manor.

2 wounded souls.  

She found the savior in me and burried him underneath a mountain of pain in a pit at the center of the earth.

That savior is for me.  

That was her gift to me.  

I was at my then lowest point when I met my ex and she wanted to save me.

Now she wants to save someone else.

Really she wants to save herself and she projects that into others. The ones who can identify with that role are blessed. It means we can save ourselves.

She shows us the path. One into the darkness pain beyond belief. With the almost audible screams within of the banshee. It feels like death but it is a rebirth.

I understand that its not healthy for a sane and insane person to mix, its like we wouldn't date a heroin user, because thats not the path we chose.  Ok no worries my friend.

[Blimblam]

The smiths - how soon is now

www.youtu.be/pEq8DBxm0J4

This may help you find that answer.